Cicero Letters to Atticus, Vol. 2 of 3 50

Cicero Letters to Atticus, Vol. 2 of 3 50

any rate moderate them, which we certainly can. For I have given up

thinking of the dignity, the honours and the position I have lost:

I think of what I have attained, what I have done, the glory of my

career, in short what a difference there is even in our present straits

between me and those through whom I have lost all. They are the people

who thought they could not attain their extravagant desires without

expelling me from the State: and you see now what has come of their

coalition in a criminal conspiracy.

 

The one burns with a madman's lust for crime, which does not cool one

whit, but rather increases day by day. He has just driven Pompey from

Italy, now on one side of the world he is pursuing him, on the other he

is trying to rob him of his province: and he no longer refuses, nay,

he practically demands, to be called a tyrant, as he is. The other,

who once would not even give me a helping hand, when I threw myself at

his feet, declaring he could do nothing against Caesar's will, now,

having slipped from the grasp of his father-in-law's mailed hand, is

preparing war by land and sea. The war is not unjust on his part, nay,

it is even righteous and necessary; but, unless he conquers, it will

be fatal to his fellow-countrymen; and, even if he does conquer, it

will be disastrous. These are our great men; but I do not hold their

achievements one whit superior to mine, nor even their fortune, though

they may seem to have basked in fortune's smiles while I have met her

frowns. For who can be happy, when he has caused his country to be

deserted or enslaved? And if, as you admonish me, I was right in saying

in those books of mine that nothing is good, save

 

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quod turpe sit, certe uterque istorum est miserrimus, quorum utrique

semper patriae salus et dignitas posterior sua dominatione et

domesticis commodis fuit. Praeclara igitur conscientia sustentor, cum

cogito me de re publica aut meruisse optime, cum potuerim, aut certe

numquam nisi pie cogitasse, eaque ipsa tempestate eversam esse rem

publicam, quam ego XIIII annis ante prospexerim. Hac igitur conscientia

comite proficiscar magno equidem cum dolore nec tam id propter me

aut propter fratrem meum, quorum est iam acta aetas, quam propter

pueros, quibus interdum videmur praestare etiam rem publicam debuisse.

Quorum quidem alter non tam quia filius quam,[125] quia maiore pietate

est, me mirabiliter excruciat, alter (o rem miseram! nihil enim mihi

accidit in omni vita acerbius) indulgentia videlicet nostra depravatus

eo progressus est, quo non audeo dicere. Et exspecto tuas litteras;

scripsisti enim te scripturum esse plura, cum ipsum vidisses. Omne

meum obsequium in illum fuit cum multa severitate, neque unum eius

nec parvum, sed multa magna delicta compressi. Patris autem lenitas

amanda potius ab illo quam tam crudeliter neglegenda. Nam litteras

eius ad Caesarem missas ita graviter tulimus, ut te quidem celaremus,

sed ipsius videremur vitam insuavem reddidisse. Hoc vero eius iter

simulatioque pietatis qualis fuerit, non audeo dicere; tantum scio,

post Hirtium conventum

 

[125] quia filius quam _added by Malaspina_.

 

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what is honourable, and nothing bad, save what is dishonourable, then

certainly both of them are most miserable, since both of them have

thought less of their country's safety and dignity than of their own

high place and private interests. My conscience then is clear and helps

to support me, when I think that I have always rendered my country

good service, when I could, and assuredly have never harboured any but

loyal thoughts, and that the State has been wrecked by the very storm

which I foresaw fourteen years ago. With a clear conscience then I

shall depart, though the parting will cost me a bitter pang: nor shall

I go so much for my own sake or for my brother's--our day is done--as

for our children, to whom I think at times we ought to have secured

at least a free country. For one of them I feel the most poignant

grief--not so much because he is my son, as because he is exceedingly

dutiful--while the other unfortunately has turned out the bitterest

disappointment of my life. He has been spoiled, I suppose, by our

indulgence, and has gone to lengths that I dare not name. I am waiting

for your letter too; for you promised to write more fully when you

had seen him himself. All my humouring of him has been accompanied by

considerable strictness: and I have had to put my foot down not over

one fault of his or a small one, but over many grave faults. But his

father's kindness should surely have been repaid by affection rather

than by such cruel disregard. For we were more annoyed at his sending

letters to Caesar than we let you see, but I think we made his life a

burden to him. I dare not describe this recent journey of his and his

hypocritical pretence of filial duty: I only know that, after he met

Hirtius,

 

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arcessitum a Caesare, cum eo de meo animo a suis rationibus alienissimo

et consilio relinquendi Italiam; et haec ipsa timide. Sed nulla nostra

culpa est, natura metuenda est. Haec Curionem, haec Hortensi filium,

non patrum culpa corrupit.

 

Iacet in maerore meus frater neque tam de sua vita quam de mea metuit.

Huic tu huic tu malo adfer consolationes, si ullas potes; maxime quidem

illam velim, ea, quae ad nos delata sint, aut falsa esse aut minora.

Quae si vera sint, quid futurum sit in hac vita et fuga, nescio.

Nam, si haberemus rem publicam, consilium mihi non deesset nec ad

severitatem nec ad indulgentiam. Nunc haec sive iracundia sive dolore

sive metu permotus gravius scripsi, quam aut tuus in illum amor aut

meus postulabat, si vera sunt, ignosces, si falsa, me libente eripies

mihi hunc errorem. Quoquo modo vero se res habebit, nihil adsignabis

nec patruo nec patri.

 

Cum haec scripsissem, a Curione mihi nuntiatum est eum ad me venire.

Venerat enim is in Cumanum vesperi pridie, id est Idibus. Si quid

igitur eius modi sermo eius attulerit, quod ad te scribendum sit, id

his litteris adiungam.

 

Praeteriit villam meam Curio iussitque mihi nuntiari mox se venturum

cucurritque Puteolos, ut ibi contionaretur. Contionatus est, rediit,

fuit ad me sane diu. O rem foedam! Nosti hominem; nihil occultavit, in

primis nihil esse certius, quam ut

 

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he was summoned to Caesar's presence, and discussed the difference

between my views and his own and my plan of leaving Italy. Even

that I write with hesitation. But it is no fault of mine: it is his

disposition which must cause us anxiety. That is what corrupted Curio

and Hortensius' son, not their fathers' fault.

 

My brother is prostrate with grief, though he does not fear for his own

life so much as for mine. It is to him, to him more than me, I want you

to offer consolation, if you can. The best consolation would be that

what we have heard was false or exaggerated. If it was true, I fail to

see what will come of this runaway existence. For if the constitution

were still intact, I should know what to do both in the way of severity

and in the way of kindness. Now, under the sway of some passion, be it

wrath or sorrow or fear, I have written more bitterly than either your

affection for him or mine warrants. If what I have said is true, you

will pardon me: if it is false, I shall be only too glad to have the

error removed. However it may be, you must not blame his uncle or his

father.

 

When I had got so far, I received a message from Curio that he was

coming to see me. He came to his place here yesterday evening, that

is on the 13th. If any point worth mentioning to you occurs in our

conversation, I will add it to this letter.

 

Curio passed by my house, and sent a message saying he was coming very

soon. Then he hurried off to make a speech at Puteoli. He made his

speech, returned and stayed a very long time. How disgusting! You know

the sort of man he is: he hid nothing. In the first place he is quite

sure that all

 

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omnes, qui lege Pompeia condemnati essent, restituerentur. Itaque se in

Sicilia eorum opera usurum. De Hispaniis non dubitabat, quin Caesaris

essent. Inde ipsum cum exercitu, ubicumque Pompeius esset. Eius

interitum finem belli[126] fore. Propius factum esse nihil, nisi[127]

plane iracundia elatum voluisse Caesarem occidi Metellum tribunum

pl. Quod si esset factum, caedem magnam futuram fuisse. Permultos

hortatores esse caedis, ipsum autem non voluntate aut natura non esse

crudelem, sed quod popularem putaret esse clementiam. Quodsi populi

stadium amisisset, crudelem fore. Eumque perturbatum, quod intellegeret

se apud ipsam plebem offendisse de aerario. Itaque, ei cum certissimum

fuisset, antequam proficisceretur, contionem habere, ausum non esse

vehementerque animo perturbato profectum. Cum autem ex eo quaererem,

quid videret, quem eventum, quam rem publicam, plane fatebatur nullam

spem reliquam. Pompei classem timebat. Quae si exisset, se de Sicilia

abiturum. "Quid isti," inquam, "sex tui fasces? si a senatu, cur

laureati? si ab ipso, cur sex?" "Cupivi," inquit, "ex senatus consulto

surrupto; nam aliter non poterat. At ille impendio nunc magis odit

senatum. A me," inquit, "omnia proficiscentur,"

 

[126] belli _Manutius_; illi _MSS._

 

[127] nisi _Schmidt_; ei _MSS._

 

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those condemned by Pompey's law are going to be recalled: and so he is

going to make use of their services in Sicily. He had no doubt about

Caesar getting the two Spains and said he would start from them with

an army to wherever Pompey might be. Pompey's death would be the end

of the war. Caesar had been carried away by anger into wishing to have

the tribune Metellus killed and he had had a narrow shave. If it had

happened, there would have been an enormous massacre. Many had spoken

in favour of a massacre: and Caesar himself was not by nature and

inclination averse to cruelty, but he thought that mild measures would

win popularity. But, if he lost popular favour, he would be cruel. He

had been put out when he found that he had offended the populace itself

by seizing the treasury: and so, though he had fully made up his mind

to harangue the people before leaving, he had not ventured to do so,

and he had gone off in a very disturbed state of mind. But when I asked

Curio what he looked forward to, what end, and what constitution, he

confessed openly that there was no hope left. He was afraid of Pompey's

fleet, and, if it put to sea, he should desert Sicily. I asked, what

was the meaning of his six lictors, why their staves were laurelled,

if the Senate gave them to him, and why there were six, if Caesar gave

them. [128] He said, "I wanted to snatch a vote from the House for them

(for it could not be done openly): but Caesar hates the Senate like

poison, and declares that all such authority will

 

[128] Six lictors were the regular number for the propraetor of Sicily;

but their staves would not be laurelled as Curio had not won a victory

over a public enemy. If appointed a _legatus_ to Caesar he might have had proconsular powers and twelve lictors.