A Lady of England 10

A Lady of England 10

SOPHIA. [_Aside._] Monster!

 

HORATIA. [_Aside._] Traitor!

 

BARBARA. [_Aside._] Butcher!

 

COL. What, all silent and aghast? I shall begin to fear myself

unwelcome. Hey, Mrs. Judith? But my Regiment is quartered for

the night in the village, and I was sure that I might throw

myself on the hospitality of an old friend.

 

MRS. JUD. We are delighted to see you.

 

COL. Is your little room unoccupied to-night?

 

MRS. JUD. To tell the truth there is a young....

 

HORATIA. [_Aside._] I could beat her! [_Aloud._] It is quite

unoccupied, Sir, except--except in this cold weather we keep the

pigs there.

 

COL. The pigs!

 

MRS. JUD. Why, Ratty....

 

HORATIA. Oh, it is not fit to receive you, Sir. The chimney

tumbled in during the last gale....

 

MRS. JUD. Why, Ratty....

 

HORATIA. And every pane of glass is broken.

 

SOPHIA. [_Aside to Barbara._] O Bab, such lying can never

thrive.

 

MRS. JUD. What strange non....

 

HORATIA. [_Aside._] How on earth can I stop her tongue?

[_Aloud._] Aunt, Aunt, is there any supper prepared for the

Colonel?

 

COL. Anything; anything; the cold ride has sharpened my

appetite; but a good blaze like this cheers the heart, and gives

me courage to face even the pigs, Miss Ratty!

 

MRS. JUD. The pigs! why....

 

HORATIA. Would you like to see that everything is comfortable

yourself, Aunt? [_Aside._] I am in a fever!

 

COL. Turn out the pigs, hey, Mrs. Judith?

 

MRS. JUD. If I ever....

 

HORATIA. Go, dear Aunt, precious Aunt, do go.

 

SOPHIA. A nice little dish of your own making would be so

acceptable.

 

BARBARA. We’ll take care of the Colonel.

 

MRS. JUD. I cannot com--pre--hend--I---- [_The girls half lead,

half push her out._]

 

COL. You will excuse me, young ladies; I always make a point of

looking after my horse myself. [_Exit._]

 

HORATIA. [_Sinking on a chair._] I am exhausted. Stupid sticks,

why did you not assist me?

 

SOPHIA. I tried, but....

 

BARBARA. What shall we do now?

 

SOPHIA. My heart beats so, I shall expire.

 

BARBARA. The Colonel will stay in spite of the pigs.

 

SOPHIA. Where can we hide the Prince?

 

HORATIA. [_Starting up._] A thought has struck me.

 

SOPHIA. What, what?

 

HORATIA. You shall hear--it has been done before. You will aid

me in the execution of it.

 

SOPHIA. [_Throwing herself into her arms._] O my Ratty!

 

HORATIA. We will save him.

 

BARBARA. We will, we will!

 

HORATIA. Or perish with him.

 

SOPHIA. We will.

 

HORATIA. Come, come, no time is to be lost; let us fly to his

succour.

 

‘Come weal, come woe,

We’ll gather and go,

And live or die wi’ Charlie!’

 

 

SCENE III.

 

A CHURCHYARD BY MOONLIGHT.

 

_Enter CHARLES, SOPHIA, BARBARA, and HORATIA._

 

CHARLES. Where on earth are you taking me?

 

SOPHIA. To safety, to safety.

 

BARBARA. We know all.

 

CHARLES. You know all?

 

HORATIA. Your name, your situation....

 

CHARLES. Then you must know that the coming of the Colonel is

hangably inconvenient to me.

 

SOPHIA. We tremble at your danger.

 

HORATIA. We will defend you with our lives.

 

CHARLES. Excessively kind, but it is not quite come to that yet.

A kick or a caning....

 

SOPHIA. You make us shudder.

 

CHARLES. But I do not like promenading at this hour in winter!

Is it a country fashion? I am very cold, and tired, and sleepy,

and I would rather retire to rest.

 

HORATIA. Here then we have arrived at the spot. Descend, and you

will find a bed prepared for you.

 

CHARLES. Descend! why, hang me if it isn’t a vault!

 

SOPHIA. If it would please you to descend....

 

CHARLES. Please me, you barbarous witches! would it please any

one to be buried alive? What on earth do you mean?

 

BARBARA. The only way to preserve your rights....

 

CHARLES. Rites, do you call these rites? They are very inhuman

rites. Anything but the rites of hospitality. To offer a

stranger the shelter of your roof, and then make his bed in a

vault! This is your spare-room, is it? If I had guessed what you

meant to do with your guest, I would not have troubled you with

my company.

 

HORATIA. O, for your Country’s sake....

 

CHARLES. My Country’s sake! what good can it do my Country? I

know your motives, you scientific Monster! you want to make a

petrifaction of me.

 

HORATIA. Is it possible that a treatment so....

 

CHARLES. A treat meant is it? If you mean it for a treat, I

assure you that I do not consider it as one. You may go in

yourself and enjoy it.

 

BARBARA. So short a space ...

 

CHARLES. A very short space I can see, and a very narrow space

too. I’ll be hanged if I get into it!

 

HORATIA. Who could have expected opposition from such a quarter?

 

SOPHIA. Can the Hero shrink from so small a trial of his

constancy? Oh, descend, descend, and we will admire....

 

CHARLES. Add mire, you cruel wretches! is there not enough at

the bottom already?

 

HORATIA. We would preserve you.

 

CHARLES. Didn’t I say so? Some inhuman experiment! But I’ll not

be preserved to please you, not I.

 

SOPHIA. [_Throwing herself at his feet._] O noblest of men!

doubt not our fidelity! yield to our agonized entreaties!

 

[_The others kneel._]

 

CHARLES. Yield, indeed! I beg you will rise, fair Ladies. I

know not if you are jesting; ’tis but a cold jest to me. As for

entering that vault, you may kill me before you bury me, for

while I’m alive I’ll not go, Ladies; I say I will not go.

 

HORATIA. Then we must leave him to his fate.

 

CHARLES. Leave me, leave me, all alone in a churchyard. Ladies,

ladies, for pity’s sake....

 

HORATIA. I am beside myself.

 

CHARLES. Remain then beside me. Or rather, why cannot we return

to the house? I am half frozen with cold and ... and excitement!

 

BARBARA. You forget the Colonel.

 

CHARLES. The Colonel. O, is that all? Can’t you hide me in some quiet corner?