Mr. Punch in Wig and Gown 4
An articled clerk who does not dress beyond his thirty shillings
a-week, and think that the whole court is lost in speculation as to the
identity of that distinguished-looking young man.
An associate who does not go into ecstasies of merriment over every
joke or _obiter dictum_ from the Bench.
Anybody who does not give loud __EXPRESSION__ to the opinion, at the
nearest bar when the court rises, that he could have managed the case
for either or both sides infinitely better than the counsel engaged.
A court-house whose atmosphere is pleasant and invigorating after the
court has sat for fifteen minutes.
(Anyone concerned who, on reading these remarks in print, will think
that the cap can, by any _scintilla_ of possibility, fit himself.)
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Wretched-looking Messenger._ “Beg pardon, Mr. Brown,
it’s come at larst! I’m _entirely_ dependent on myself. My wife’s been
and got a separation order!”]
* * * * *
[Illustration: In order to deaden the sense of smell, second-hand
clothes-pegs will be used by the bench and the bar.]
[Illustration: Lords Justices Bowen and Fry prepared to break the
windows of the court, and relieve the asphyxiated bar.]
OLD LAW COURT MEMORIES
* * * * *
[Illustration: HUMAN NATURE REBELS
Poor Mr. Wiggles has just been described by a facetious witness of the
lower orders as “that there h’old bloke wiv a choker, an’ a cauliflower
on ’is ’ed”!!!]
* * * * *
WHAT A BARRISTER MAY DO; AND WHAT HE MAY NOT DO
There seems to be at present a very considerable difference of opinion
among the gentlemen of the Bar as to what may or may not be done by
a barrister. We had some idea of publishing a small hand-book of
_etiquette_ for the exclusive use of the gentlemen of the long robe;
but as what is etiquette to-day may not be etiquette to-morrow, we
feared the work would not possess the permanent utility which alone
would recompense us for the labour of writing it. We have, however,
drawn up a few general rules founded on our own observation as to what
a barrister may do, and what he may not do, consistently with his
professional dignity:--
1st. A barrister may be employed in inducing Members of Parliament
to vote in favour of railway bills; _but_ he may not report for a
newspaper.
2nd. A barrister may practise the “artful dodge” for the purpose of
defeating the ends of justice; _but_ he must not enter an assize town
in an omnibus.
3rd. A barrister may tout for a small judgeship; _but_ he will be very
properly disbarred if he advertises his readiness to plead the cause of
clients.
4th. A barrister may libel a rival candidate for an office in a
“private and confidential” circular; _but_ he must not degrade himself
by asking an attorney to dine with him on the circuit.
5th. A barrister may take a fee when he knows he cannot attend to the
cause; _but_ he may not return the money, for his doing so would be
very unprofessional.
6th, and lastly. A barrister may be a very honourable man; _but_ many
things which professional _etiquette_ allows him to do, would be
thought disgraceful and dishonest among ordinary people.
* * * * *
A DELICATE DISTINCTION.--_Cross-examining Counsel (to fair witness)._
And is your name Aurelia Jessamine Jones?
_Fair Witness (after a pause)._ No, sir; but it ought to have been,
only my god-parents were so ill-chosen.
* * * * *
[Illustration: MORTMAIN]
* * * * *
IMPORTANT SUITORS IN CHANCERY.--Having occasion the other day to visit
the Chancery Offices, we discovered an announcement which we are
surprised has not been more generally noticed, and we take no little
credit to ourselves for being the first to give extended publicity to
the important public directions to the unhappy suitors, who may have
been wandering in the Court so many years. The information is contained
in the following short announcement--“THE WAY OUT”--which we can assure
our readers we have copied from an official notice stuck up in that
Court.
* * * * *
AN IMMEDIATE LANDLORD.--One who will not wait for his rent.
[Illustration]
* * * * *
[Illustration: MANNERS AND CUSTOMS OF YE ENGLISH IN 1849
Westminster Hall. Showynge ye ceremonye of openynge terme.]
* * * * *
LEGAL NOMENCLATURE.--Occasionally we hear of “running down cases” being
tried. The unlearned in the law naturally inquire if these are actions
for slander.
* * * * *
PRISON THOUGHT.--“When’s a Christian,” said a poacher in gaol to
himself, “sarved the same as a hare?--When he’s jugged like I be.”
* * * * *
[Illustration: MANNERS AND CUSTOMS OF YE ENGLISH IN 1849
Hyghest court of law in ye kyngdom. Ye Lords hearyng appeals.]
* * * * *
AN UNDER TENANT.--One who occupies a cellar.
* * * * *
HAPPY RELEASE.--Paying off a mortgage.
* * * * *
IN TWO WORDS.--Our police system and the housebreaker’s
system--Bunglery and burglary.
* * * * *
“LETTERS OF REQUEST.”--Begging epistles.
* * * * *
[Illustration: MANNERS AND CUSTOMS OF YE ENGLISH IN 1849
Appearance of ye crymynyal covrte dvryng an “interestyng” tryal for
mvrder.]
* * * * *
OUTSIDE THE COUNTY COURT.--_Jenkins (to Jorkins, a debtor)._ What, only
five bob a month! How _did_ you manage it?
_Jorkins._ Why, always addressed the judge as “My Lord,” of course.
* * * * *
Pope asks: “Is there no bright reversion in the sky?” This is, clearly,
a question which only a lawyer can answer.
* * * * *
[Illustration: GROSS INJUSTICE
We beg to solicit the attention of our innumerable readers to the state
of the law respecting cruelty to animals.]
* * * * *
SONGS OF THE CIRCUIT
From Circuit to Circuit, although we may roam,
Be it ever so briefless, there’s none like the Home;
A fee from the skies p’rhaps may follow us there,
Which, seek through the courts, is ne’er met with elsewhere.
Home, Home, sweet sweet Home,
There’s none of the Circuits can equal the Home.
When out on the Home, lodgings tempt you in vain,
The railroad brings you back to your chambers again:
On the Home the expenses for posting are small;
Give me that--’tis the Circuit, the cheapest of all.
Home, Home, sweet sweet Home,
There’s none of the Circuits can equal the Home.
* * * * *
LEGAL PUGILISM.--The Chancery Bar has been lately occupied with a
question relating to a patent for pins’ heads. The costs are estimated
at £5,000. The lawyers are the best boxers, after all. Only let them
get a _head in chancery_, even a _pin’s_, and see how they make the
proprietor _bleed_.
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