The Boston Dip 5
Mulligrub_ (_aside_). Humbug!
_Mons. M._ Now, zar is no time to lose. Permit me. (_Takes her hand and
leads her_ C.)
_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). Dip’s taking her hand. I shall choke!
_Mons. A._ Put your left hand in mine—so.
_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). She obeys him. Ah, faithless Hannah!
_Mons. A._ Zat is good. Do not tremble—zar is no danger.
_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). Don’t be so sure of that.
_Mons. A._ Now, my arm around your waist—so.
_Mulligrub_ (_aside_). O, perfidious Hannah!
_Mons. A._ Now let your head drop upon ze collar of my coat. Ah, zat is
good, zat is exquisite.
_Mulligrub._ She presses his collar, and my cholar is rising. I shall
choke with rage.
_Mons. M._ All right. Now, one, two, three, and off we go.
_Mulligrub_ (_pushing the screen over on to the floor. Discovered
standing in a chair, with doubled fist_). Stop! (_Very loud._)
_Mrs. M._ Ah! (_Screams, and falls into_ MONSIEUR ADONIS’S _arms_.)
_Mons. A._ Sacre! Who calls so loud?
_Mulligrub._ An injured husband.
_Mrs. M._ (_jumping up_). O, it’s Moses!
_Mulligrub._ Yes, it is Moses! Moses the deluded; Moses the deceived;
Moses the betrayed; Moses on the brink of a precipice.
_Mom. A._ Moses!—Who be Moses?
_Mrs. M._ My husband.
_Mons. A._ Monsieur Mulligrub! O, ze light break upon my head.
_Mulligrub_ (_jumping down_). Tremble, rascal! You’re discovered. Woman,
begone! O, Hannah! can I believe my eyes. You—you make an appointment
with such a miserable, contemptible, sneaking cur as that? But I’ll be
revenged, rascal! (_Takes_ MONSIEUR ADONIS _by throat_.) Blaster of
peaceful families (_shaking him_), I’ll have your life!
_Mons. A._ Help! help! I am choke all over too much! Help! help!
_Mrs. M._ O, Moses, spare him!
_Mulligrub._ Never! I’ll shake the life out of him. Rascal!
_Mons. A._ Help! somebody, quick!
_Mulligrub._ Scoundrel!
_Mons. A._ Help! help! He squeeze my windpipe all too much.
_Enter_, R., IDA _and_ EVA; C., DASHER _and_ KIDS.
_Eva._ Father here?
_Ida._ And fighting?
_Dasher._ What is the meaning of this?
_Kids._ Weally, a wow, a wiot, a wumpus!
_Mulligrub._ Meaning of it! Look at this miserable wretch!—this thing
who answers to the name of “Boston Dip.”
_All._ “Boston Dip.”
_Mons. A._ Sar, you insult me. My name is Monsieur Achilles Adonis.
_Eva._ And “Boston Dip” is the name given to the latest movement of the
waltz.
_Mulligrub._ What, not the name of an individual? Then, what is the
meaning of that? (_Shows note._)
_Mons. A._ Zat is my note, monsieur.
_Mrs. M._ Yes, written by me to Monsieur Adonis, asking him to give me a
private lesson here.
_Eva._ And father thought it a love affair? O, father!
_Ida._ A man with the name of “Boston Dip!” O, father!
_Dasher._ Friend of the family, you’ve made a mistake.
_Kids._ Yaas, dipped into the wong man. Now isn’t that good—owiginal,
too.
_Mulligrub_ (_looks at each in a foolish manner, then takes_ MRS.
MULLIGRUB _by the hand; leads her_ C., _and kneels_). Hannah, I’m on the
brink of a frightful precipice. I’ve made a fool of myself. Forgive me,
and let’s go home.
_Mrs. M._ I think you have, Moses.
_Dasher._ There’s not the least doubt of it.
_Kids._ Yaas, Moses into the bull-wushes! That’s good—weally owiginal,
too.
_Mulligrub_ (_rising_). Monsieur Adonis, I beg your pardon for my
rudeness. I will make amends, ample reparation. Greenbacks shall shower
upon your classic academy. To you, gentlemen, I need make no apologies.
You see the old man has “cut up,” and perhaps may be made to “shell
out.” I don’t think my girls will be able to assist you on that
precipice. With your permission, I will retire.
_Eva._ Don’t go, father. Stay and enjoy yourself.
_Ida._ And see us waltz. We have splendid partners.
_Mons. A._ Proficient in all ze elegancies of ze art.
_Mrs. M._ Moses, I’m ashamed of you. You’re really _proficient_ in the
usages of fashionable _depravity_; but I’ll forgive you, and make you
acquainted with my new flame, one which you so grievously mistook, my
harmless pet, “The Boston Dip.” (_Music, Beautiful Blue Danube._ MR.
MULLIGRUB _bows, and retires up_, C. _Waltz_, MONSIEUR ADONIS _and_ MRS.
MULLIGRUB; DASHER _and_ EVA; KIDS _and_ IDA.)
CURTAIN.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
SPENCER’S UNIVERSAL STAGE.
_A Collection of COMEDIES, DRAMAS, and
FARCES, adapted to either Public or
Private Performance. Containing a full
description of all the necessary Stage
Business._
----------
_PRICE, 15 CENTS EACH._ ☞ _No Plays exchanged._
----------
1. =Lost in London.= A Drama in Three Acts. 6 Male, 4 Female characters.
2. =Nicholas Flam.= A Comedy In Two Acts. By J.B. Buckstone. 5 Male, 3
Female characters.
3. =The Welsh Girl.= A Comedy in One Act. By Mrs. Planche. 3 Male, 2
Female characters.
4. =John Wopps.= A Farce in One Act. By W.E. Suter. 4 Male, 2 Female
characters.
5. =The Turkish Bath.= A Farce in One Act. By Montague Williams and F.C.
Burnand. 6 Male, 1 Female character.
6. =The Two Puddifoots.= A Farce in One Act. By J.M. Morton. 3 Male, 3
Female characters.
7. =Old Honesty.= A Comic Drama in Two Acts. By J.M. Morton. 5 Male, 2
Female characters.
8. =Two Gentlemen in a Fix.= A Farce in One Act. By W.E. Suter. 2 Male
characters.
9. =Smashington Goit.= A Farce in One Act. By T.J. Williams. 5 Male, 3
Female characters.
10. =Two Heads Better than one.= A Farce in One Act. By Lenox Horne. 4
Male, 1 Female character.
11. =John Dobbs.= A Farce in One Act. By J.M. Morton. 5 Male, 2 Female
characters.
12. =The Daughter of the Regiment.= A Drama in Two Acts. By Edward
Fitzball. 6 Male, 2 Female characters.
13. =Aunt Charlotte’s Maid.= A Farce in One Act. By J.M. Morton. 3 Male,
3 Female characters.
14. =Brother Bill and Me.= A Farce In One Act. By W.E. Suter. 4 Male, 3
Female characters.
15. =Done on Both Sides.= A Farce in One Act. By J.M. Morton. 3 Male, 2
Female characters.
16. =Dunducketty’s Picnic.= A Farce in One Act. By T.J. Williams. 6 Male, 3 Female characters.
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