In our own land, O my orthodox-minded father, where the unfailing
resources of innumerable bands of dragons, spirits, vampires, ghouls,
shadows, omens, and thunderstorms are daily enlisted to carry into
effect the pronouncements of an appointed destiny, we have many
historical examples of the inexorably converging legs of coincidence,
but none, I think, more impressively arranged than the one now
descending this person's brush.
We had scarcely reposed ourselves, and taken from the hands of an
awaiting slave the vessels of thrice-potent liquid which in this Island
is regarded as the indispensable accompaniment to every movement of
existence, when a third person entered the room, and seating himself
at a table some slightly removed distance away, lowered his head and
abandoned himself to a display of most lavish dejection.
"That poor cuss doesn't appear to be holiday-making," remarked the
sincerely-compassionate person at my side, after closely observing the
other for a period; and then, moved by the overpowering munificence of
his inward nature, he called aloud, "Say, stranger, you seem to have
got it thickly in the neck. Is it family affliction or the whisky of the
establishment?"
At these affably-intentioned words the stranger raised his eyes quickly,
with an indication of not having up to that time been aware of our
presence.
"Sir," he exclaimed, approaching to a spot where he could converse
with a more enhanced facility, "when I loosened the restraint of an
overpowering if unmanly grief, I imagined that I was alone, for I
would have shunned even the most flattering sympathy, but your
charitably-modulated voice invites confidence. The one before you is the
most contemptible, left-handed, and disqualified outcast in creation,
and he is now making his way towards the river, while his widow will be
left to take in washing, his infant son to vend evening printed leaves,
and his graceful and hitherto highly secluded daughters to go upon the
stage."
"Say, stranger," interposed this person, by no means unwilling to
engrave upon his memory this newly-acquired form of greeting, "the
emotion is doubtless all-pressing, but in my ornate and flower-laden
tongue we have a salutation, 'Slowly, slowly; walk slowly,' which seems
to be of far-seeing application."
"That's so," remarked the one by my side. "Separate it with the teeth,
inch by inch."
"I will be calm, then," continued the other (who, to avoid the
complication of the intermingling circumstances, may be described as
the more stranger of the two), and he took of his neckcloth. "I am a
merchant in tea, yellow fat, and mixed spices, in a small but hitherto
satisfactory way." Thus revealing himself, he continued to set forth
how at an earlier hour he had started on a journey to deposit his wealth
(doubtless as a propitiation of outraged deities) upon a certain bank,
and how, upon reaching the specified point, he discovered that what
he carried had eluded his vigilance. "All gone: notes, gold, and
pocket-book--the savings of a lifetime," concluded the ill-omened one,
and at the recollection a sudden and even more highly-sustained frenzy
of self-unpopularity involving him, without a pause he addressed himself
by seven and twenty insulting expressions, many of which were quite new
to my understanding.
At the earliest mention of the details affecting the loss, the elbow of
the person who had made himself responsible for the financial obligation
of the day propelled itself against my middle part, and unseen by the
other he indicated to me by means of his features that the entertainment
was becoming one of agreeable prepossession.
"Now, touching this hyer wallet," he said presently. "How might you
describe it?"
"In colour it was red, and within were two compartments, the one
containing three score notes each of ten pounds, the other fifty pounds
of gold. But what's the use of describing it? Some lucky demon will pick
it up and pocket the lot, and I shall never see a cent of it again."
"Then you'd better consult one who reburnishes the eyes," declared the
magnanimous one with a laugh, and drawing forth the article referred to
he cast it towards the merchant in a small way.
At this point of the narrative my thoroughly incompetent brush confesses
the proportions of the requirement to be beyond its most extended
limit, and many very honourable details are necessarily left without
expression.
"I've known men of all sorts, good, bad, and bothwise," exclaimed the
one who had recovered his possessions; "but I never thought to meet
a gent as would hand over six hundred and fifty pounds as if it was a
toothpick. Sir, it overbalances me; it does, indeed."
"Say no more about it," urged the first person, and to suggest
gracefully that the incident had reached its furthest extremity, he
began to set out the melody of an unspoken verse.
"I will say no more, then," he replied; "but you cannot reasonably
prevent my doing something to express my gratitude. If you are not too
proud you will come and partake of food and wine with me beneath the
sign of the Funereal Male Cow, and to show my confidence in you I shall
insist upon you carrying my pocket-book."
The person whom I had first encountered suffered his face to become
excessively amused. "Say, stranger, do you take me for a pack-mule?"
he replied good-naturedly. "I already have about as much as I want to
handle. Never mind; we'll come along with you, and Mr. Kong shall carry
your bullion."
At this delicate and high-minded proposal a rapid change, in no way
complimentary to my explicit habit of adequately conducting any venture
upon which I may be engaged, came over the face of the second person.
"Sir," he exclaimed, "I have nothing to say against this gentleman, but
I am under no obligation to him, and I don't see why I should trust him
with everything I possess."
"Stranger," exclaimed the other rising to his feet (and from this point
it must be understood that the various details succeeded one another
with a really agile dexterity), "let me tell you that Mr. Kong is my
friend, and that ought to be enough."
"It is. If you say this gentleman is your friend, and that you have
known him long and intimately enough to be able to answer for him,
that's good enough for me."
"Well," admitted the first person, and I could not conceal from myself
that his tone was inauspiciously reluctant, "I can't exactly say that
I've known him long; in fact I only met him half an hour ago. But I have
the fullest confidence in his integrity."
"It's just as I expected. Well, sir, you're good-natured enough for
anything, but if you'll excuse me, I must say that you're a small piece
of an earthenware vessel after all"--the veiled allusion doubtlessly
being that the vessel of necessity being broken, the contents inevitably
escape--"and I hope you're not being had."
"I'm not, and I'll prove it before we go out together," retorted the
engaging one, who had in the meantime become so actively impetuous on my
account, that he did not remain content with the spoken words, but threw
the various belongings about as he mentioned them in a really profuse
display of inimitable vehemence. "Here, Kong, take this hyer pocket-book
whatever he says. Now on the top of that take everything I've got, and
you know what THAT figures up to. Now give this gentleman your little
lot to keep him quiet; I don't ask for anything. Now, stranger, I'm
ready. You and I will take a stroll round the block and back again, and
if Mr. Kong isn't waiting here for us when we return with everything
intact and O.K., I'll double your deposit and never trust a durned soul
again."
Nodding genially over his shoulder with a harmonious understanding,
expressive of the fact that we were embarking upon an undeniably
diverting episode, the benevolent-souled person who had accumulated more
riches than he was competent to melt away himself, passed out, urging
the doubtful and still protesting one before him.
Thus abandoned to my own reflections, I pondered for a short time
profitably on the third head of the day's meditation (Touching the match
and this person's unattractively-lined face. The revealed truth: the
inexperienced sheep cannot pass through the hedge without leaving
portions of his wool), and then finding the philosophy of Wei Chung very
good, I determined to remove the superfluous apprehensions of the vender
of food-stuffs with less delay by setting out and meeting them on their
return.
A few paces distant from the door, one of the ever-present watchers of
the street was standing, watching the street with unremitting vigilance,
while from the well-guarded expression of his face it might nevertheless
be gathered that he stood as though in expectation.
"Prosperity," I said, with seasonable greeting. (For no excess of
consideration is too great to be lavished upon these, who unite
within themselves the courage of a high warrior, the expertness of a
three-handed magician, and the courtesy of a genial mandarin.) "I
seek two, apparelled thus and thus. Did you, by any chance, mark the
direction of their footsteps?"
"Oh," he said, regarding this person with a most flattering application,
"YOU seek them, do you? Well, they've just gone off in a hansom, and
they'll want a lot of seeking for the next week or two. You let them
carry your purse, perhaps?"
"Assuredly," I replied. "As a mark of confidence; this person, for his
part, receiving a like token at their hands."
"That's it," said the official watcher, conveying into his voice a
subtle indication that he had become excessively fatigued. "It's like
a nursery tale--never too old to take with the kids. Well, come along,
poor lamb, the station isn't far."
So great had become the reliance which by this time I habitually reposed
in these men, that I never sought to oppose their pronouncements (such
a course being not only useless but undignified), and we therefore
together reached the place which the one by my side had described as a
station.
From the outside the building was in no way imposing, but upon reaching
an inner dungeon it at once became plain that no matter with what crime
a person might be charged, even the most stubborn resistance would be
unavailing. Before a fiercely-burning fire were arranged metal pincers,
massive skewers, ornamental branding irons, and the usual accessories of
the grill, one tool being already thrust into the heart of the flame
to indicate the nature of its use, and its immediate readiness for the
purpose. Pegs from which the accused could be hung by the thumbs
with weights attached to the feet, covered an entire wall; chains,
shackling-irons, fetters, steel rings for compressing the throat, and
belts for tightening the chest, all had their appointed places, while
the Chair, the Boot, the Heavy Hat, and many other appliances quite
unknown to our system of administering justice were scattered about.
Without pausing to select any of these, the one who led me approached
a raised desk at which was seated a less warlike official, whose
sympathetic appearance inspired confidence. "Kong Ho," exclaimed to
himself the person who is inscribing these words, "here is an individual
into whose discriminating ear it would be well to pour the exact
happening without evasion. Then even if the accusation against you be
that of resembling another or trafficking with unlawful Forces, he will
doubtless arrange the matter so that the expiation shall be as light and
inexpensive as possible."
By this time certain other officials had drawn near. "What is it?" I
heard one demand, and another replied, "Brooklyn Ben and Jimmie the
Butterman again. Ah, they aren't artful, are they!" but at this moment
the two into whose power I had chiefly fallen having conversed together,
I was commanded to advance towards them and reveal my name.
"Kong," I replied freely; and I had formed a design to explain somewhat
of the many illustrious ancestors of the House, when the one at the
desk, pausing to inscribe my answer in a book, spoke out.
"Kong?" he said. "Is that the christian or surname?"
"Sir-name?" replied this person between two thoughts. "Undoubtedly
the one before you is entitled by public examination to the degree
'Recognised Talent,' which may, as a meritorious distinction, be held
equal to your title of a warrior clad in armour. Yet, if it is so held,
that would rightly be this person's official name of Paik."
"Oh, it would, would it?" said the one seated upon the high chair.
"That's quite clear. Are there any other names as well?"
"Assuredly," I explained, pained inwardly that one of official rank
should so slightly esteem my appearance as to judge that I was so
meagrely endowed. "The milk name of Ho; Tsin upon entering the Classes;
as a Great Name Cheng; another style in Quank; the official title
already expressed, and T'chun, Li, Yuen and Nung as the various
emergencies of life arise."
"Thank you," said the high-chair official courteously. "Now, just the
name in full, please, without any velvet trimmings."
"Kong," began this person, desirous above all things of putting
the matter competently, yet secretly perturbed as to what might be
considered superfluous and what deemed a perfidious suppression, "Ho
Tsin Cheng Quank--"
"Hold hard," cried this same one, restraining me with an uplifted pen.
"Did you say 'Quack'?"
"Quack?" repeated this person, beginning to become involved within
himself, and not grasping the detail in the right position. "In a manner
of setting the expression forth--"
"Put him down, 'Quack Duck,' sir," exclaimed one of dog-like dejection
who stood by. "Most of these Lascars haven't got any real names--they
just go by what any one happens to call them at the time, like 'Burmese
Ike' down at the Mint," and this person unfortunately chancing to smile
and bow acquiescently at that moment (not with any set intention, but
as a general principle of courteous urbanity), in place of his really
distinguished titles he will henceforth appear among the historical
records of this dynasty under what he cannot disguise from his inner
misgivings to be the low-caste appellation of Quack Duck.
"Now the address, please," continued the high one, again preparing to
inscribe the word, and being determined that by no mischance should this
particular be offensively reported, I unhesitatingly replied, "Beneath
the Sign of the Lead Tortoise, on the northern course from the Lotus
Pools outside the walls of Yuen-ping."
This answer the one with the book did not immediately record. "I
don't say it isn't all right when you know the parts," he remarked
broad-mindedly, "but it does sound a trifle irregular. Can't you give it
a number and a street?"
"I fancy it must be a pub, sir," observed another. "He said that it had
a sign--the Red Tortoise."
"Well, haven't you got a London address?" said the high one, and this
person being able to supply a street and a number as desired, this part
of the undertaking was disposed of, to his cordial satisfaction.
"Now let me see the articles which these men left with you," commanded
the chieftain of the band, and without any misleading discrepancies I at
once drew forth from an inner sleeve the two scrips, of which adequate
mention has already been made, another hitherto undescribed, two
instruments for measuring the passing hours of the day, together with a
chain of fine gold ingeniously wrought into the semblance of a cable,
an ornament for the breast, set about with a jewel, two neck-cloths of
a kind usually carried in the pocket, a book for recording happenings of
any moment, pieces of money to the value of about eleven taels, a silver
flagon, a sheathed weapon and a few lesser objects of insignificant
value. These various details I laid obsequiously before the one who had
commanded it, while the others stood around either in explicit silence
or speaking softly beneath their breath.
"Do I understand that the two persons left all these things with you,
while they took your purse in exchange?" said the high official, after
examining certain obscure signs upon the metals, the contents of the
third scrip, and the like.
"It cannot reasonably be denied," I replied; "inasmuch as they departed
without them."
"Spontaneously?" he demanded, and in spite of the unevadible severity of
his voice the expression of his nearer eye deviated somewhat.
"The spoken and conclusive word of the first was that it was his
intention to commit to this one's keeping everything which he had; the
assertion of the second being that with this scrip I received all that
he possessed."
"While of yours, what did they get, Mr. Quack?" and the tone of the one
who spoke had a much more gratifying modulation than before, while the
attitudes of those who stood around had favourably changed, until they
now conveyed a message of deliberate esteem.
"A serpent-skin case of two enclosures," I replied. "On the one side
was a handcount of the small copper-pieces of this Island, which I had
caused to be burnished and gilt for the purpose of taking back to amuse
those of Yuen-ping. On the other side were two or three pages from a
gravity-removing printed leaf entitled 'Bits of Tits,' with which
this person weekly instructs himself in the simpler rudiments of the
language. For the rest the case was controlled by a hidden spring, and
inscribed about with a charm against loss, consumption by fire, or being
secretly acquired by the unworthy."
"I don't think you stand in much need of that charm, Mr. Quack,"
remarked another of more than ordinary rank, who was also present. "Then
they really got practically no money from you?"
"By no means," I admitted. "It was never literally stipulated, and
whatever of wealth he possesses this person carries in a concealed spot
beneath his waistbelt." (For even to these, virtuous sire, I did not
deem it expedient to reveal the fact that in reality it is hidden within
the sole of my left sandal.)
"I congratulate you," he said with lavish refinement. "Ben and the
Butterman can be very bland and persuasive. Could you tell me, as a
matter of professional curiosity, what first put you on your guard?"
"In this person's country," I replied, "there is an apt saying, 'The
sagacious bird does not build his nest twice in the empty soup-toureen,'
and by observing closely what has gone before one may accurately
conjecture much that will follow after." It may be, that out of my
insufferable shortcomings of style and expression, this answer did not
convey to his mind the logical sequence of the warning; yet it would
have been more difficult to show him how everything arose from the
faultlessly-balanced system of the heroic Wei Chung, or the exact
parallel lying between the ill-clad outcast who demanded a portion of
tobacco and the cheerfully unassuming stranger who had in his possession
a larger accumulation of money than he could conveniently disperse.
In such a manner I took leave of the station and those connected with
it, after directing that the share of the spoil which fell by the law
of this Island to my lot should be sold and the money of exchange
faithfully divided among the virtuous and necessitous of both sexes. The
higher officials each waved me pleasantly by the hand, according to the
striking and picturesque custom of the land, while the lesser ones stood
around and spoke flattering words as I departed, as "honourable," "a
small piece of all-right," "astute ancient male fowl," "ah!" and the
like.
With repeated assurances that however ineptly the adventure may at the
time appear to be tending, as regards the essentials of true dignity
and an undeviating grasp upon articles of negotiable value, nothing of a
regrettable incident need be feared.
KONG HO.
LETTER IX
Concerning the proverb of the highly-accomplished horse. The
various perils to be encountered in the Beneath Parts. The
inexplicable journey performed by this one, and concerning
the obscurity of the witchcraft employed.
VENERATED SIRE,--Among these islanders there is a proverb, "Do not place
the carte" (or card, the two words having an identical purport, and
both signifying the inscribed tablet of viands prepared for a banquet,)
"before the horse." Doubtless the saying first arose as a timely rebuke
to a certain barbarian emperor who announced his contempt for the
intelligence of his subjects by conferring high mandarin rank upon a
favourite steed and ceremoniously appointing it to be his chancellor;
but from the narrower moral that an unreasoning animal is out of place,
and even unseemly, in the entertaining hall or council chamber, the
expression has in the course of time taken a wider application and is
now freely used as an insidious thrust at one who may be suspected of
contrariness of character, of confusing issues, or of acting in a vain
or illogical manner. I had already preserved the saying among other
instances of foreign thought and expression which I am collecting for
your dignified amusement, as it is very characteristic of the wisdom and
humour of these Outer Lands. The imagination is essentially barbaric. A
horse--doubtless well-groomed, richly-caparisoned, and as intellectual
as the circumstances will permit, but inevitably an animal of degraded
attributes and untraceable ancestry--a horse reclining before a lavishly
set-out table and considering well of what dish it shall next partake!
Could anything, it appears, be more diverting! Truly to our more refined
outlook the analogy is lacking both in delicacy of wit and in exactitude
of balance, but to the grosser barbarian conception of what is
gravity-removing it is irresistible.
I am, however, reminded of the saying by perceiving that I was on the
point of recording certain details of recent occurrence without first
unrolling to your mind the incidents from which it has arisen that the
person who is now communicating with you is no longer reposing in the
Capital, but spending a period profitably in observing the habits of
those who dwell in the more secluded recesses on the outskirts of the
Island. This reversal of the proper sequence of affairs would doubtless
strike those around as an instance of setting the banquet before the
horse. Without delay, then, to pursue the allusion to its appropriate
end, I will return, as it may be said, to my nosebag.
At various points about the streets of the Capital there are certain
caverns artificially let into the bowels of the earth, to which any
person may betake himself upon purchasing a printed sign which he must
display to the guardian of the gate. Once within the underneathmost
parts he is free to be carried from place to place by means of the
trains of carriages which I have already described to you, until he
would return to the outer surface, when he must again display his
talisman before he is permitted to pass forth. Nor is this an empty
form, for upon an occasion this person himself witnessed a very bitter
contention between a keeper of the barrier and one whose token had
through some cause lost its potency.
In the company of the experienced I had previously gone through the
trial without mischance, so that recently when I expressed a wish to
visit a certain Palace, and was informed that the most convenient manner
would be to descend into the nearest cavern, I had no reasonable device
for avoiding the encounter. Nevertheless, enlightened sire, I will
not attempt to conceal from your omniscience that I was by no means
impetuous towards the adventure. Owing to the pugnacious and unworthy
suspicions of those who direct their destinies, I have not yet been
able to penetrate the exact connection between the movements of these
hot-smoke chariots and the Unseen Forces. To a person whose chief object
in life is to avoid giving offence to any of the innumerable demons
which are ever on the watch to revenge themselves upon our slightest
indiscretion, this uncertainty opens an unending vista of intolerable
possibilities. As if to emphasise the perils of this overhanging doubt
the surroundings are ingeniously arranged so as to represent as nearly
as practicable the terrors of the Beneath World. Both by day and night a
funereal gloom envelops the caverns, the pathways and resting-places are
meagre and so constructed as to be devoid of attraction or repose, and
by a skilful contrivance the natural atmosphere is secretly withdrawn
and a very acrimonious sulphurous haze driven in to replace it.
In sudden and unforeseen places eyes of fire open and close with
disconcerting rapidity, and even change colour in vindictive
significance; wooden hands are outstretched as in unrelenting rigidity
against supplication, or, divining the unexpressed thoughts, inexorably
point, as one gazes, still deeper into the recesses of the earth; while
the air is never free from the sounds of groans, shrieks, the rattling
of chains, dull, hopeless noises beneath one's feet or overhead, and the
hoarse wordless cries of despair with which the attending slaves of the
caverns greet the distant clamour of every approaching fire-chariot.
Admittedly the intention of the device is benevolently conceived, and
it is strenuously asserted that many persons of corrupt habits and
ill-balanced lives, upon waking unexpectedly while passing through
these Beneath Parts, have abandoned the remainder of their journey, and,
escaping hastily to the outer air, have from that time onwards led a
pure and consistent existence; but, on the other foot, those who are
compelled to use the caverns daily, freely confess that the surroundings
to not in any material degree purify their lives of tranquillise the
nature of their inner thoughts.
In this emergency I did not neglect to write out a diversity of charms
against every possible variety of evil influence, and concealing them
lavishly about my head and body, I presented myself with the outer
confidence of a person who is inured to the exploit. Doubtless thereby
being mistaken for one of themselves in the obscurity, I received the
inscribed safeguard without opposition, and even an added sum in copper
pieces, which I discreetly returned to the one behind the shutter, with
the request that he would honourably burn a few joss sticks or sacrifice
to a trivial amount, to the success of my journey. In such a manner
I reached an awaiting train, and, taking up within it a position of
retiring modesty, I definitely committed myself to the undertaking.
At the next tarrying place there entered a barbarian of high-class
appearance, and being by this time less assured of my competence in the
matter unaided, both on account of the multiplicity of evil omens on
every side, and the perverse impulses of the guiding demon, whereby
at sudden angles certain of my organs had the emotion of being left
irrevocably behind and others of being snatched relentlessly forward, I
approached him courteously.
"Behold," I said, "many thousand li of water, both fresh and bitter,
flow between the one who is addressing you and his native town of
Yuen-ping, where the tablets at the street corners are as familiar to
him as the lines of his own unshapely hands; for, as it is truly said,
'Does the starling know the lotus roots, or the pomfret read its way by
the signs among the upper branches of the pines?' Out of the necessities
of his ignorance and your own overwhelming condescension enlighten him,
therefore, whether the destination of this fire-chariot by any chance
corresponds with the inscribed name upon his talisman?"
Thus adjured, the stranger benevolently turned himself to the detail,
and upon consulting a book of symbols he expressed himself to this wise:
that after a sufficient interval I should come into a certain station,
called in part after the title of the enlightened ruler of this Island,
and there abandoning the train which was carrying us, I should enter
another which would bring me out of the Beneath Parts and presently into
the midst of that Palace which I sought. This advice seemed good, for
a reasonable connection might be supposed to exist between a station
so auspiciously called and a Palace bearing the harmonious name of
the gracious and universally-revered sovereign-consort. Accordingly I
thanked him ceremoniously, not only on my own part, but also on behalf
of eleven generations of immediate ancestors, and in the name of seven
generations who should come after, and he on his side agreeably replied
that he was sure his grandmother would have done as much for mine, and
he sincerely hoped that none of his great-great-grandchildren would
prove less obliging. In this intellectual manner, varied with the
entertainment of profuse bows, the time passed cordially between us
until the barbarian reached his own alighting stage, when he again
repeated the various details of the strategy for my observance.
At this point let it be set forth deliberately that there existed no
treachery in the advice, still less that this person is incapable of
competently achieving the destined end of any hazard upon which he
may embark when once the guiding signs have been made clear to his
understanding. Whatever entanglement arose was due merely to the
conflicting manners of expression used by two widely-varying races, even
as our own proverb says, "What is only sauce for the cod is serious for
the oyster."
At the station indicated as bearing the sign of the ruler of the country
(which even a person of little discernment could have recognised by
the highly-illuminated representation bearing the elusively-worded
inscription, "In packets only"), I left this fire-chariot, and at once
perceiving another in an attitude of departure, I entered it, as the
casual barbarian had definitely instructed, and began to assure myself
that I had already become expertly proficient in the art of journeying
among these Beneath Regions and to foresee the time, not far distant,
when others would confidently address themselves to me in their
extremities. So entrancing did this contemplation grow, that this
outrageous person began to compose the actual words with which he would
instruct them as the occasion arose, as thus, "Undoubtedly, O virtuous
and not unattractive maiden, this fire-engine will ultimately lead your
refined footsteps into the street called Those who Bake Food. Do not
hesitate, therefore, to occupy the vacant place by this insignificant
one's side"; or, "By no means, honourable sir; the Cross of Charing
is in the precisely opposite direction to that selected by this
self-opinionated machine for its inopportune destination. Do not rebuke
this person for his immoderate loss of mental gravity, for your mistake,
though pardonable in a stranger, is really excessively diverting. Your
most prudent course now will assuredly be to cast yourself from the
carriage without delay and rely upon the benevolent intervention of a
fire-chariot proceeding backwards."
Alas, it is truly said, "None but sword-swallowers should endeavour to
swallow swords," thereby signifying the vast chasm that lies between
those who are really adroit in an undertaking and those who only think
that they may easily become so. Presently it began to become deeply
impressed upon my discrimination that the journey was taking a more
lengthy duration than I had been given to understand would be the case,
while at the same time a permanent deliverance from the terrors of the
Beneath Parts seemed to be insidiously lengthening out into a funereal
unattainableness. The point of this person's destination, he had been
assured on all hands, was a spot beyond which even the most aggressively
assertive engine could not proceed, so that he had no fears of being
incapably drawn into more remote places, yet when hour after hour passed
and the ill-destined machine never failed in its malicious endeavours to
leave each successive tarrying station, it is not to be denied that
my imagination dwelt regretfully upon the true civilisation of our
own enlightened country, where, by the considerate intervention of an
all-wise government, the possibilities of so distressing an experience
are sympathetically removed from one's path. Thus the greater part of
the day had faded, and I was conjecturing that by this time we must
inevitably be approaching the barren and inhospitable country which
forms the northern limit of the Island, when the door suddenly opened
and the barbarian stranger whom I had left many hundred li behind
entered the carriage.
At this manifestation all uncertainty departed, and I now understood
that to some obscure end witchcraft of a very powerful and high-caste
kind was being employed around me; for in no other way was it credible
to one's intelligence that a person could propel himself through the
air with a speed greater than that of one of these fire-chariots, and
overtake it. Doubtless it was a part of this same scheme which made it
seem expedient to the stranger that he should feign a part, for he
at once greeted me as though the occasion were a matter of everyday
happening, exclaiming genially--
"Well, Mr. Kong, returning? And what do you think of the Palace?"
"It is fitly observed, 'To the earthworm the rice stalk is as high as
the pagoda,'" I replied with adroit evasion, clearly understanding from
his manner that for some reason, not yet revealed to me, a course of
dissimulation was expedient in order to mislead the surrounding
demons concerning my movements, and by a subtle indication of the face
conveying to the stranger an assurance that I had tactfully grasped
the requirement, and would endeavour to walk well upon his heels,
"and therefore it would be unseemly for a person of my insignificant
attainments to engage in the doubtful flattery of comparing it with
the many other residences of the pure and exalted which embellish your
Capital."
"Oh," said the one whom I may now suitably describe by the name of Sir
Philip, "that's rather a useful proverb sometimes. Many people there?"
At this inquiry I could not disguise from myself an emotion that
the person seated opposite was not diplomatically inspired in so
persistently clinging to the one subject upon which he must assuredly
know that I experienced an all-pervading deficiency. Nevertheless,
being by this more fully convinced that the disguise was one of critical
necessity, and not deeming that the essential ceremonies of one Palace
would differ from those of another, no matter in what land they stood
(while through all I read a clear design on Sir Philip's part that
the opportunity was craftily arranged so that I might impress upon any
vindictively-intentioned spirits within hearing an assumption of high
protection), I replied that the gathering had been one of unparalleled
splendour, both by reason of the multitude of exalted nobles present
and also owing to the jewelled magnificence lavished on every detail.
Furthermore, I continued, now definitely abandoning all the promptings
of a wise reserve, and reflecting, as we say, that one may as well be
drowned in the ocean as in a wooden bucket, not only did the sublime and
unapproachable sovereign graciously permit me to kow-tow respectfully
before him, but subsequently calling me to his side beneath a canopy of
golden radiance, he conversed genially with me and benevolently assured
me of his sympathetic favour on all occasions (this, I conjectured,
would certainly overawe any Evil Force not among the very highest
circles), while the no less magnanimous Prince of the Imperial Line
questioned me with flattering assiduousness concerning a method of
communicating with persons at a distance by means of blows or stamps
upon a post (as far as the outer meaning conveyed itself to me), the
houses which we build, and whether they contained an adequate provision
of enclosed spaces in the walls.
Doubtless I could have continued in this praiseworthy spirit of delicate
cordiality to an indefinite amount had I not chanced to observe at this
point that the expression of Sir Philip's urbanity had become entangled
in a variety of other emotions, not all propitious to the scheme,
so that in order to retire imperceptibly within myself I smiled
broad-mindedly, remarking that it was well said that the moon was only
bright while the sun was hid, and that I had lately been dazzled with
the sight of so much brilliance and virtuous condescension that
there were occasions when I questioned inwardly how much I had really
witnessed, and how much had been conveyed to me in the nature of an
introspective vision.
It will already have been made plain to you, O my courtly-mannered
father, that these barbarians are totally deficient in the polite
art whereby two persons may carry on a flattering and highly-attuned
conversation, mutually advantageous to the esteem of each, without it
being necessary in any way that their statements should have more than
an ornamental actuality. So wanting in this, the most concentrated form
of truly well-bred entertainment, are even their high officials,
that after a few more remarks, to which I made answer in a spirit of
skilfully-sustained elusiveness, the utterly obtuse Sir Philip said at
length, "Excuse my asking, Mr. Kong, but have you really been to the
Alexandra Palace at all?"
Admittedly there are few occasions in life on which it is not possible
to fail to see the inopportune or low-class by a dignified impassiveness
of features, an adroitly-directed jest, or a remark of baffling
inconsequence, but in the face of so distressingly straightforward a
demand what can be advanced by a person of susceptible refinement when
opposed to one of incomparably larger dimensions, imprisoned by his side
in the recess of a fire-chariot which is leaping forward with uncurbed
velocity, and surrounded by demons with whose habits and partialities he
is unfamiliar?
"In a manner of expressing the circumstance," I replied, "it is not to
be denied that this person's actual footsteps may have imperceptibly
been drawn somewhat aside from the path of his former design. Yet
inasmuch as it is truly said that the body is in all things subservient
to the mind, and is led withersoever it is willed, and as your engaging
directions were scrupulously observed with undeviating fidelity, it
would be impertinently self-opinionated on this person's part to
imply that they failed to guide him to his destination. Thus, for all
ceremonial purposes, it is permissible conscientiously to assume that he
HAS been there."
"I am afraid that I must not have been sufficiently clear," said Sir
Philip. "Did you miss the train at King's Cross?"
"By no means," I replied firmly, pained inwardly that he should cast the
shadow of such narrow incompetence upon me. "Seeing this machine on the
point of setting forth on a journey, even as your overwhelming
sagacity had enabled you to predict would be the case, I embarked with
self-reliant confidence."
"Good lord!" murmured the person opposite, beginning to manifest an
excess of emotion for which I was quite unable to account. "Then you
have been in this train--your actual footsteps I mean, Mr. Kong; not
your ceremonial abstract subliminal ego--ever since?"
To this I replied that his words shone like the moon at midnight with
scintillating points of truth; adding, however, as the courtesies of
the occasion required, that I had been so impressed with the many-sided
brilliance of his conversation earlier in the day as to render the
flight of time practically unnoticed by me.
"But did it never occur to you to ask at one of the stations?" he
demanded, still continuing to wave his hands incapably from side to
side. "Any of the porters would have told you."
"Kong Li Heng, the founder of our line, who was really great, has been
dead eleven centuries, and no single fact or incident connected with his
life has been preserved to influence mankind," I replied. "How much less
will it matter, then, even in so limited a space of time as a hundred
years, in what fashion so insignificant a person as the one before you
acted on any occasion, and why, therefore, should he distress himself
unnecessarily to any precise end?" In this manner I sought to place
before him the dignified example of an imperturbability which can be
maintained in every emergency, and at the same time to administer a
plain yet scrupulously-sheathed rebuke; for the inauspicious manner in
which he had first drawn me on to speak confidently of the ceremonies of
the Royal Palace and then held up my inadequacy to undeserved contempt
had not rejoiced my imagination, and I was still uncertain how much to
claim, and whether, perchance, even yet a more subtle craft lay under
all.
"Well, in any case, when you go back you can claim the distinction of
having been taken seven times round London, although you can't really
have seen much of it," said Sir Philip. "This is a Circle train."
At this assertion I looked up. Though admittedly curved a little about
the roof the chariot was in every essential degree what we should
pronounce to be a square one; whereupon, feeling at length that the
involvement had definitely passed to a point beyond my contemptible
discernment, I spread out my hands acquiescently and affably remarked
that the days were lengthening out pleasantly.
In such a manner I became acquainted with the one Sir Philip, and
thereby, in a somewhat circuitous line, the original purpose which
possessed my brush when I began this inept and commonplace letter
is reached; for the person in question not only lay upon himself the
obligation of leading me "by the strings of his apron-garment"--in the
characteristic and fanciful turn of the barbarian language--to that same
Palace on the following day, but thenceforth gracefully affecting to
discern certain agreeable virtues in my conversation and custom of habit
he frequently sought me out. More recently, on the double plea that they
of his household had a desire to meet me, and that if I spent all my
time within the Capital my impressions of the Island would necessarily
be ill-balanced and deformed, he advanced a project that I should
accompany him to a spot where, as far as I was competent to grasp
the idiom, he was in the habit of sitting (doubtless in an abstruse
reverie), in the country; and having assured myself by means of discreet
innuendo that the seat referred to would be adequate for this person
also, and that the occasion did not in any way involve a payment of
money, I at once expressed my willingness towards the adventure.
With numerous expressions of unfeigned regret (from a filial point of
view) that the voice of one of the maidens of the household, lifted
in the nature of a defiance against this one to engage with her in a
two-handed conflict of hong pong, obliges him to bring this immature
composition to a hasty close.
KONG HO.
LETTER X
Concerning the authority of this high official, Sir Philip.
The side-slipperyness of barbarian etiquette. The hurl-
headlong sportiveness and that achieving its end by means of
curved mallets.
VENERATED SIRE,--If this person's memory is accurately poised on the
detail, he was compelled to abandon his former letter (when on the point
of describing the customs of these outer places), in order to take part
in a philosophical discussion with some of the venerable sages of the
neighbourhood.
Resuming the narration where it had reached this remote province of
the Empire, it is a suitable opportunity to explain that this same
Sir Philip is here greeted on every side with marks of deferential
submission, and is undoubtedly an official of high button, for whenever
the inclination seizes him he causes prisoners to be sought out, and
then proceeds to administer justice impartially upon them. In the case
of the wealthy and those who have face to lose, the matter is generally
arranged, to his profit and to the satisfaction of all, by the payment
of an adequate sum of money, after the invariable custom of our own
mandarincy. When this incentive to leniency is absent it is usual to
condemn the captive to imprisonment in a cell (it is denied officially,
but there is no reason to doubt that a large earthenware vessel is
occasionally used for this purpose,) for varying periods, though it is
notorious that in the case of the very necessitous they are sometimes
set freely at liberty, and those who took them publicly reprimanded for
accusing persons from whose condition on possible profit could arise.
This confinement is seldom inflicted for a longer period than seven,
fourteen, or twenty-one days (these being lucky numbers,) except in the
case of those who have been held guilty of ensnaring certain birds and
beasts which appear to be regarded as sacred, for they have their duly
appointed attendants who wear a garb and are trained in the dexterous
use of arms, lurking with loaded weapons in secret places to catch the
unwary, both by night and day. Upheld by the high nature of their office
these persons shrink from no encounter and even suffer themselves to be
killed with resolute unconcern; but when successful they are not denied
an efficient triumph, for it is admitted that those whom they capture
are marked men from that time (doubtless being branded upon the body
with the name of their captor), and no future defence is availing. The
third punishment, that of torture, is reserved for a class of solitary
mendicants who travel from place to place, doubtless spreading the germs
of an inflammatory doctrine of rebellion, for, owing to my own degraded
obtuseness, the actual nature of their crimes could never be made clear
to me. Of the tortures employed that known in their language as the
"bath" (for which we have no real equivalent,) is the most dreaded, and
this person has himself beheld men of gigantic proportions, whose bodies
bore the stain of a voluntary endurance to every privation, abandon
themselves to a most ignoble despair upon hearing the ill-destined word.
Unquestionably the infliction is closely connected with our own ordeal
of boiling water, but from other indications it is only reasonable to
admit that there is an added ingredient, of which we probably have no
knowledge, whereby the effect is enhanced in every degree, and the outer
surface of the victim rendered more vulnerable. There is also another
and milder form of torture, known as the "task", consisting either of
sharp-edged stones being broken upon the body, or else the body broken
upon sharp-edged stones, but precisely which is the official etiquette
of the case this person's insatiable passion for accuracy and his short-sighted limitations among the more technical outlines of the language, prevent him from stating definitely. |
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