"What Ho?" exclaimed the somewhat impetuous one by my side, stepping
forward indignantly and mounting the platform in his affectionate zeal.
"No one shall pass over my old and valued friend--this Ho--while I have
a paw to raise. Step forward, Mandarin, and let them behold the inventor
and sole user of the justly far-famed G. R. Ko-Ho hair restorer--sent in
five guinea bottles to any address on receipt of four penny stamps--as
he appeared in his celebrated impersonation of the human-faced Swan at
Doll and Edgar's. Come on, oh, Ho!"
"Assuredly," I replied, striving to follow him, "yet with the wary
greeting, 'Slowly, slowly; walk slowly,' engraved upon my mind, for the
barrier of these convoluted stairs--" but at this word a band of maidens
passed out hastily, and in the tumult I reached the dais and began
Weng Chi's immortal verses, entitled "The Meandering Flight," which had
occupied me three complete days and nights in the detail of rendering
the allusions into well-balanced similitudes and at the same time
preserving the skilful evasion of all conventional rules which raises
the original to so sublime a height.
The voice of one singing at the dawn;
The seven harmonious colours in the sky;
The meeting by the fountain;
The exchange of gifts, and the sound of the processional drum;
The emotion of satisfaction in each created being;
This is the all-prominent indication of the Spring.
The general disinclination to engage in laborious tasks;
The general readiness to consume voluminous potions on any
pretext.
The deserted appearance of the city and the absence of the
come-in motion at every door;
The sportiveness of maidens, and even those of maturer age,
ethereally clad, upon the shore.
The avowed willingness of merchants to dispose of their wares
for half the original sum.
This undoubtedly is the Summer.
The yellow tea leaf circling as it falls;
The futile wheeling of the storm-tossed swan;
The note of the marble lute at evening by the pool;
The immobile cypress seen against the sun.
The unnecessarily difficult examination paper.
All these things are suggestive of the Autumn.
The growing attraction of a well-lined couch.
The obsequious demeanour of message-bearers, charioteers, and
the club-armed keepers of peace.
The explosion of innumerable fire-crackers round the convivial
shines,
The gathering together of relations who at all other times
shun each other markedly.
The obtrusive recollection of a great many things contrary to
a spoken vow, and the inflexible purpose to be more
resolute in future.
These in turn invariably attend each Winter.
It certainly had not presented itself to me before that the words
"invariably attend" are ill-chosen, but as I would have uttered them
their inelegance became plain, and this person made eight conscientious
attempts to soften down their harsh modulation by various interchanges.
He was still persevering hopefully when he of chief authority approached
and requested that the one who was thus employed and that same other
would leave the hall tranquilly, as the all-water entertainment was
at an end, and an attending slave was in readiness to extinguish the
lanterns.
"Yet," I protested unassumingly, "that which has so far been expressed
is only in the semblance of an introductory ode. There follow--"
"You must not argue with the Chair," exclaimed another interposing his
voice. "Whatever the Chair rules must be accepted."
"The innuendo is flat-witted," I replied with imperturbable dignity, but
still retaining my hold upon the rail. "When this person so far loses
his sense of proportion as to contend with an irrational object, devoid
of faculties, let the barb be cast. After that introduction dealing with
the four seasons, the twelve gong-strokes of the day are reviewed in a
like fashion. These in turn give place to the days of the month, then
the moons of the year, and finally the years of the cycle."
"That's fair," exclaimed the perverse though well-meaning youth, whom I
was beginning to recognise as the cause of some misunderstanding among
us. "If you don't want any more of his poem--and I don't blame you--my
pal Ho, who is one of the popular Flip-Flap Troupe, offers to do some
trick cycle-riding on his ears. What more can you expect?"
"We expect a policeman very soon," replied another severely. "He has
already been sent for."
"In that case," said the one who had so persistently claimed me as
an ally, "perhaps I can do you a service by directing him here"; and
leaving this person to extricate himself by means of a reassuring
silence and some of the larger silver pieces of the Island, he vanished
hastily.
With some doubt whether or not this deviation into the society of the
professedly virtuous, ending as it admittedly does in an involvement,
may not be deemed ill-starred; yet hopeful.
KONG HO.
THE THREE GIFTS
Related by Kong Ho on the occasion of the all-water
disportment, under the circumstances previously set forth.
BEYOND the limits of the township of Yang-chow there dwelt a rich
astrologer named Wei. Reading by his skilful interpretation of the
planets that he would shortly Pass Above, he called his sons Chu, Shan,
and Hing to his side and distributed his wealth impartially among them.
To Chu he gave his house containing a gold couch; to Shan a river with
a boat; to Hing a field in which grew a prolific orange-tree. "Thus
provided for," he continued, "you will be able to live together in
comfort, the resources of each supplying the wants of the others in
addition to his own requirements. Therefore when I have departed let it
be your first care to sacrifice everything else I leave, so that I also,
in the Upper Air, may not be left destitute."
Now in addition to these three sons Wei also had another, the youngest,
but one of so docile, respectful, and self-effacing a disposition that
he was frequently overlooked to the advantage of his subtle, ambitious,
and ingratiating brothers. This youth, Kao, thinking that the occasion
certainly called for a momentary relaxation of his usual diffidence,
now approached his father modestly, and begged that he also might be
included to some trivial degree in his bounty.
This reasonable petition involved Wei in an embarrassing perplexity.
Although he had forgotten Kao completely in the division, he had now
definitely concluded the arrangement; nor, to his failing powers, did it
appear possible to make a just allotment on any other lines. "How can a
person profitably cut up an orange-tree, a boat, an inlaid couch, or
a house?" he demanded. "Who can divide a flowing river, or what but
unending strife can arise from regarding an open field in anything
but its entirety? Assuredly six cohesive objects cannot be apportioned
between four persons." Yet he could not evade the justice of Kao's
implied rebuke, so drawing to his side a jade cabinet he opened it, and
from among the contents he selected an ebony staff, a paper umbrella,
and a fan inscribed with a mystical sentence. These three objects he
placed in Kao's hands, and with his last breath signified that he should
use them discreetly as the necessity arose.
When the funeral ceremonies were over, Chu, Shan, and Hing came
together, and soon moulded their covetous thoughts into an agreed
conspiracy. "Of what avail would be a boat or a river if this person
sacrificed the nets and appliances by which the fish are ensnared?"
asked Shan. "How little profit would lie in an orange-tree and a field
without cattle and the implements of husbandry!" cried Hing. "One cannot
occupy a gold couch in an empty house both by day and night," remarked
Chu stubbornly. "How inadequate, therefore, would such a provision be
for three."
When Kao understood that his three brothers had resolved to act in this
outrageous manner he did not hesitate to reproach them; but not being
able to contend against him honourably, they met him with ridicule.
"Do not attempt to rule us with your wooden staff," they cried
contemptuously. "Sacrifice IT if your inside is really sincere. And,
in the meanwhile, go and sit under your paper umbrella and wield
your inscribed fan, while we attend to our couch, our boat, and our
orange-tree."
"Truly," thought Kao to himself when they had departed, "their words
were irrationally offensive, but among them there may stand out a
pointed edge. Our magnanimous father is now bereft of both comforts
and necessities, and although an ebony rod is certainly not much in the
circumstances, if this person is really humanely-intentioned he will not
withhold it." With this charitable design Kao build a fire before the
couch (being desirous, out of his forgiving nature, to associate his
eldest brother in the offering), and without hesitation sacrificed the
most substantial of his three possessions.
It here becomes necessary to explain that in addition to being an expert
astrologer, Wei was a far-seeing magician. The rod of unimpressionable
solidity was in reality a charm against decay, and its hidden virtues
being thus destroyed, a contrary state of things naturally arose, so
that the next morning it was found that during the night the gold couch
had crumbled away into a worthless dust.
Even this manifestation did not move the three brothers, although the
geniality of Shan and Hing's countenances froze somewhat towards Chu.
Nevertheless Chu still possessed a house, and by pointing out that they
could live as luxuriantly as before on the resources of the river and
the field and the tree, he succeeded in maintaining his position among
them.
After seven days Kao reflected again. "This avaricious person still has
two objects, both of which he owes to his revered father's imperishable
influence," he admitted conscience-stricken, "while the being in
question has only one." Without delay he took the paper umbrella and
ceremoniously burned it, scattering the ashes this time upon Shan's
river. Like the rod the umbrella also possessed secret virtues, its
particular excellence being a curse against clouds, wind demons,
thunderbolts and the like, so that during the night a great storm raged,
and by the morning Shan's boat had been washed away.
This new calamity found the three brothers more obstinately perverse
than ever. It cannot be denied that Hing would have withdrawn from the
guilty confederacy, but they were as two to one, and prevailed, pointing
out that the house still afforded shelter, the river yielded some of the
simpler and inferior fish which could be captured from the banks, and
the fruitfulness of the orange-tree was undiminished.
At the end of seven more days Kao became afflicted with doubt. "There is
no such thing as a fixed proportion or a set reckoning between a dutiful
son and an embarrassed sire," he confessed penitently. "How incredibly
profane has been this person's behaviour in not seeing the obligation in
its unswerving necessity before." With this scrupulous resolve Kao took
his last possession, and carrying it into the field he consumed it
with fire beneath Hing's orange-tree. The fan, in turn, also had hidden
properties, its written sentence being a spell against drought, hot
winds, and the demons which suck the nourishment from all crops. In
consequence of the act these forces were called into action, and before
another day Hing's tree had withered away.
It is said with reason, "During the earthquake men speak the truth." At
this last disaster the impious fortitude of the three brothers suddenly
gave way, and cheerfully admitting their mistake, each committed
suicide, Chu disembowelling himself among the ashes of his couch, Shan
sinking beneath the waters of his river, and Hing hanging by a rope
among the branches of his own effete orange-tree.
When they had thus fittingly atoned for their faults the imprecation was
lifted from off their possessions. The couch was restored by magic
art to its former condition, the boat was returned by a justice-loving
person into whose hands it had fallen lower down the river, and
the orange-tree put out new branches. Kao therefore passed into an
undiminished inheritance. He married three wives, to commemorate the
number of his brothers, and had three sons, whom he called Chu, Shan,
and Hing, for a like purpose. These three all attained to high office in
the State, and by their enlightened morals succeeded in wiping all the
discreditable references to others bearing the same names from off the
domestic tablets.
From this story it will be seen that by acting virtuously, yet with an
observing discretion, on all occasions, it is generally possible not
only to rise to an assured position, but at the same time unsuspectedly
to involve those who stand in our way in a just destruction.
LETTER XIII
Concerning a state of necessity; the arisings engendered
thereby, and the turned-away face of those ruling the
literary quarter of the city towards one possessing a style.
This foreign manner of feigning representations, and
concerning my dignified portrayal of two.
VENERATED SIRE,--It is now more than three thousand years ago that the
sublime moralist Tcheng How, on being condemned by a resentful official
to a lengthy imprisonment in a very inadequate oil jar, imperturbably
replied, "As the snail fits his impliant shell, so can the wise adapt
themselves to any necessity," and at once coiled himself up in the
restricted space with unsuspected agility. In times of adversity this
incomparable reply has often shone as a steadfast lantern before my
feet, but recently it struck my senses with a heavier force, for
upon presenting myself on the last occasion at the place of exchange
frequented by those who hitherto have carried out your spoken promise
with obliging exactitude, and at certain stated intervals freely granted
to this person a sufficiency of pieces of gold, merely requiring
in return an inscribed and signet-bearing record of the fact, I was
received with no diminution of sympathetic urbanity, indeed, but with
hands quite devoid of outstretched fulness.
In a small inner chamber, to which I was led upon uttering courteous
protests, one of solitary authority explained how the deficiency had
arisen, but owing to the skill with which he entwined the most intricate
terms in unbroken fluency, the only impression left upon my superficial
mind was, that the person before me was imputing the scheme for
my despoilment less to any mercenary instinct on the part of his
confederates, than to a want of timely precision maintained by one who
seemed to bear an agreeable-sounding name somewhat similar to your own,
and who, from the difficulty of reaching his immediate ear, might be
regarded as dwelling in a distant land. Encouraged by this conciliatory
profession (and seeing no likelihood of gaining my end otherwise), I
thereupon declared my willingness that the difference lying between us
should be submitted to the pronouncement of dispassionate omens, either
passing birds, flat and round sticks, the seeds of two oranges, wood and
fire, water poured out upon the ground or any equally reliable sign as
he himself might decide. However, in spite of his honourable assurances,
he was doubtless more deeply implicated in the adventure than he
would admit, for at this scrupulous proposal the benignant mask of his
expression receded abruptly, and, striking a hidden bell, he waved his
hands and stood up to signify that further justice was denied me.
In this manner a state of destitution calling for the fullest acceptance
of Tcheng How's impassive philosophy was created, nor had many
hours faded before the first insidious temptation to depart from his
uncompromising acquiescence presented itself.
At that time there was no one in whom I reposed a larger-sized piece
of confidence (in no way involving sums of money,) than one officially
styled William Beveledge Greyson, although, profiting by our own custom,
it is unusual for those really intimate with his society to address him
fully, unless the occasion should be one of marked ceremony. Forming a
resolution, I now approached this obliging person, and revealing to him
the cause of the emergency, I prayed that he would advise me, as one
abandoned on a strange Island, by what handicraft or exercise of skill I
might the readiest secure for the time a frugal competence.
"Why, look here, aged man," at once replied the lavish William Greyson,
"don't worry yourself about that. I can easily let you have a few pounds
to tide you over. You will probably hear from the bank in the course
of a few days or weeks, and it's hardly worth while doing anything
eccentric in the meantime."
At this delicately-worded proposal I was about to shake hands with
myself in agreement, when the memory of Tcheng How's resolute submission
again possessed me, and seeing that this would be an unworthy betrayal
of destiny I turned aside the action, and replying evasively that the
world was too small to hold himself and another equally magnanimous, I
again sought his advice.
"Now what silly upside-down idea is it that you've got into that Chinese
puzzle you call your head, Kong?" he replied; for this same William was
one who habitually gilded unpalatable truths into the semblance of
a flattering jest. "Whenever you turn off what you are saying into
a willow-pattern compliment and bow seventeen times like an animated
mandarin, I know that you are keeping something back. Be a man and
a brother, and out with it," and he struck me heavily upon the left
shoulder, which among the barbarians is a proof of cordiality to be
esteemed much above the mere wagging of each other's hands.
"In the matter of guidance," I replied, "this person is ready to sit
unreservedly on your well-polished feet. But touching the borrowing of
money, obligations to restore with an added sum after a certain period,
initial-bearing papers of doubtful import, and the like, I have read too
deeply the pointed records of your own printed sheets not to prefer
an existence devoted to the scraping together of dust at the street
corners, rather than a momentary affluence which in the end would betray
me into the tiger-like voracity of a native money-lender."
"Well, you do me proud, Kong," said William Beveledge, after regarding
me fixedly for a moment. "If I didn't remember that you are a
flat-faced, slant-eyed, top-side-under, pig-tailed old heathen, I should
be really annoyed at your unwarrantable personalities. Do you take ME
for what you call a 'native money-lender'?"
"The pronouncements of destiny are written in iron," I replied
inoffensively, "and it is as truly said that one fated to end his life
in a cave cannot live for ever on the top of a pagoda. Undoubtedly as
one born and residing here you are native, and as inexorably it succeeds
that if you lend me pieces of gold you become a money-lender. Therefore,
though honourably inspired at the first, you would equally be drawn into
the entanglement of circumstance, and the unevadible end must inevitably
be that against which your printed papers consistently warn one."
"And what is that?" asked Beveledge Greyson, still regarding me closely,
as though I were a creature of another part.
"At first," I replied, "there would be an alluring snare of graceful
words, tea, and the consuming of paper-rolled herbs, and the matter
would be lightly spoken of as capable of an easy adjustment; which,
indeed, it cannot be denied, is how the detail stands at present. The
next position would be that this person, finding himself unable to
gather together the equivalent of return within the stated time, would
greet you with a very supple neck and pray for a further extension,
which would be permitted on the understanding that in the event of
failure his garments and personal charms should be held in bondage. To
escape so humiliating a necessity, as the time drew near I would address
myself to another, one calling himself William, perchance, and dwelling
in a northern province, to whom I would be compelled to assign my
peach-orchard at Yuen-ping. Then by varying degrees of infamy I would
in turn be driven to visit a certain Bevel of the Middle Lands, a person
Edge carrying on his insatiable traffic on the southern coast, one Grey
elsewhere, and a Mr. Son, of the west, who might make an honourable
profession of lending money without any security whatever, but who in
the end would possess himself of my ancestral tablets, wives, and inlaid
coffin, and probably also obtain a lien upon my services and prosperity
in the Upper Air. Then, when I had parted from all comfort in this
life, and every hope of affluence in the Beyond, it would presently
be disclosed that all these were in reality as one person who had
unceasingly plotted to my destruction, and William Beveledge Greyson
would stand revealed in the guise of a malevolent vampire. Truly that
development has at this moment an appearance of unreality, and worthy
even of pooh-pooh, but thus is the warning spread by your own printed
papers and the records of your Halls of Justice, and it would be an
unseemly presumption for one of my immature experience to ignore the
outstretched and warning finger of authority."
"Well, Kong," he said at length, after considering my words attentively,
"I always thought that your mental outlook was a hash of Black Art,
paper lanterns, blank verse, twilight, and delirium tremens, but hang me
if you aren't sound on finance, and I only wish that you'd get some of
my friends to look at the matter of borrowing in your own reasonable,
broad-minded light. The question is, what next?"
I replied that I leaned heavily against his sagacious insight, adding,
however, that even among a nation of barbarians one who could repeat
the three hundred and eleven poems comprising the Book of Odes from
beginning to end, and claim the degree "Assured Genius" would ever be
certain of a place.
"Yes," replied William Greyson,--"in the workhouse. Put your degree in
your inside pocket, Kong, and don't mention it. You'll have far more
chance as a distressed mariner. The casual wards are full of B.A.'s,
but the navy can't get enough A.B.'s at any price. What do you say to
an organ, by the way? Mysterious musicians generally go down well, and
I dare say there's room for a change from veiled ladies, persecuted
captains and indigent earls. You ought to make a sensation."
"Is it in the nature of melodious sounds upon winding a handle?" I
asked, not at the moment grasping with certainty to what organ he
referred.
"Well, some call them that," he admitted, "others don't. I suppose, now,
you wouldn't care to walk to Brighton with your feet tied together,
or your hair in curl papers, and then get on at a music hall? Or would
there be any chance of your Legation kidnapping you if it was properly
worked? 'Kong Ho, the great Chinese Reformer, tells the Story of his
Life,'--there ought to be money in it. Are you a reformer or the leader
of a secret society, Kong?"
"On the contrary," I replied, "we of our Line have ever been unflinching
in our loyalty to the dynasty of Tsing."
"You ought to have known better, then. It's a poor business being that
in your country nowadays. Pity there are no bye-elections on the African
Labour Question, or you'd be snapped up for a procession."
To this I replied that although the idea of moving in a processional
triumph would readily ensnare the minds of the light and fantastic, I
should prefer some more literary occupation, submissively adding that in
such a case I would not stiffen my joints against the most menial lot,
even that of blending my voice in a laudatory chorus, or of carrying
official pronouncements about the walls of the city, for it is said with
justice, "The starving man does not peel his melon, nor do the parched
first wipe round the edges of the proffered cup."
"If you've set your mind on something literary," said Beveledge
confidently, "you have every chance of finishing up in a chorus or
carrying printed placards about the streets, certainly. When it comes
to that, look me up in Eastcheap." With this encouraging assurance of
my ultimate success he left me, and rejoicing that I had not fallen into
the snare of opposing a written destiny, I sought the literary quarters
of the city.
When this person has been able to write of any custom or facet of
existence here in a strain of conscientious esteem, he has not hesitated
to dip his brush deeply into the inkpot. Reverting backwards, this
barbarian enactment of not permitting those who from any cause have
decided upon spending the night in a philosophical abstraction to repose
upon the public seats about the swards and open spaces is not conceived
in a mood of affable toleration. Nevertheless there are deserted places
beyond the furthest limits of the city where a more amiable full-face
is shown. On the eleventh day of this one's determination to sustain
himself by the exercise of his literary style, he was journeying about
sunset towards one of these spots, subduing the grosser instincts of
mankind by reviewing the wisdom of the sublime Lao Ch'un, who decided
that heat and cold, pain and fatigue, and mental distress, have no real
existence, and are therefore amenable to logical disproof, while the
cravings of hunger and thirst are merely the superfluous attributes of
a former and lower state of existence, when a passer-by, who for some
distance had been alternately advancing before and remaining behind,
matched his footsteps into mine.
"Whichee way walk-go, John, eh?" said this unfortunate being, who
appeared to be suffering from a laborious deformity of speech. "Allee
samee load me. Chin-chin."
Filled with compassion for one who evidently found himself alone in a
strange land, in the absence of his more highly-accomplished companion,
unable to indicate his wants and requirements to those about him, I
regretfully admitted that I had not chanced to encounter that John
whose wandering footsteps he sought; and to indicate, by not leaving him
abruptly, that I maintained a sympathetic concern over his welfare, I
pointed out to him the exceptional brilliance of the approaching night,
adding that I myself was then directing a course towards a certain
spacious Heath, a few li distant in the north.
"Sing-dance tomollow, then?" he said, with a condensed air of general
disappointment. "Chop-chop in a pay look-see show on Ham--Hamstl--oh
damme! on 'Ampstead 'Eath? Booked up, eh, John?"
Gradually convinced that it was becoming necessary to readjust the
significance of the incident, I replied that I had no intention of
partaking of chops or food of any variety in an erected tent, but merely
of passing the night in an intellectual seclusion.
"Oh," said the one who was walking by my side, regarding my garments
with engaging attention, and at the same time appearing to regain an
unruffled speech as though the other had been an assumed device, "I
understand--the Blue Sky Hotel. Well, I've stayed there once or twice
myself. A bit down on your uppers, eh?"
"Assuredly this person may perchance lay his upper parts down for a
short space of time," I admitted, when I had traced out the symbolism of
the words. "As it is humanely written in The Books, 'Sleep and suicide
are the free refuges equally of the innocent and the guilty.'"
"Oh, come now, don't," exclaimed the energetic person, striking himself
together by means of his two hands. "It's sinful to talk about suicide
the day before bank holiday. Why, my only Somali warrior has vamoosed
with his full make-up, and the Magnetic Girl too, and I never thought of
suicide--only whether to turn my old woman into a Veiled Beauty of the
Harem or a Hairy Lama from Tibet."
Not absolutely grasping the emergency, yet in a spirit of inoffensive
cordiality I remarked that the alternative was insufferably perplexing,
while he continued.
"Then I spotted you, and in a flash I got an idea that ought to take and
turn out really great if you'll come in. Now follow this: Missionary's
tent in the wilds of Pekin. Domestic interior by lamp-light. Missionary
(me) reading evening paper; missionary's wife (the missus) making tea,
and between times singing to keep the small pet goat quiet (small goat,
a pillow, horsecloth, and pocket-handkerchief). Breaks down singing,
sobs, and says she feels a strange all-over presentiment. Missionary
admits being a bit fluffed himself, and lets out about a notice signed
in blood that he's seen in the city."
"Carried upon a pole?" this person demanded, feeling that something of a
literary nature might yet be wrested into the incident.
"On a flagstaff if you like," conceded the other one magnanimously. "A
notice to the effect that it is the duty of every jack mother's son of
them to douse the foreign devils, man, woman, and child, and especially
the talk-book pass-hat-round men. Also that he has had several
brick-ends heaved at him on his way back. Then stops suddenly, hits
his upper crust, and says that it's like his blamed fat-headedness
to frighten her; while she clutches at herself three times and faints
away."
"Amid the voluminous burning of blue lights?" suggested this person
resourcefully.
"By rights there should be," admitted the one who was devising the
representation; "but it will hardly run to it. Anyway, it costs nothing
to turn the lamp down--saves a bit in fact, and gives an effect. Then
outside, in the distance at first you understand, you begin to work up
the sound of the advancing mob--rattles, shouts, tum-tums, groans, tin
plates and all that one mortal man can do with hands, feet and mouth."
"With the interspersal of an occasional cracker and the stirring notes
produced by striking a hollow wooden fish repeatedly?" I cried; for let
it be confessed that amid the portrayal of the scene my imagination had
taken an allotted part.
"If you like to provide them, and don't set the bally show on fire," he
replied. "Anyhow, these two aren't supposed to notice anything even when
the row gets louder. Then it drops and you are heard outside talking in
whispers to the others--words of command and telling them to keep back
half-a-mo, and so on. See?"
"Doubtless introducing a spoken charm and repeating the words of an
incantation against omens, treachery, and other matters."
"Next a flap of the tent down on the floor is raised, and you
reconnoitre, looking your very worst and holding a knife between your
teeth and another in each hand. Wave a hand to your followers to keep
back--or come on: it makes no difference. Then you crawl in on your
stomach, give a terrific howl, and stab me in the back. That rolls
me under the curtain, and so lets me out. The missus ups with the
wood-chopper and stands before the cradle, while you yell and dance
round with the knives. That ought to be made 'the moment' of the whole
piece. The great thing is to make enough noise. If you can yell louder
than the talking-machine outfit on the next pitch we ought to turn money
away. While you are at it I start a fresh row outside--shouts, cheers,
groans, words of command and a paper bag or two. Seeing that the game
is up you make a rush at the old woman; she downs you with the chopper,
turns the lamp up full, shakes out a Union Jack over the sleeping
infant, and finally stands in her finest attitude with one hand pointing
impressively upwards and the other contemptuously downwards just as Rule
Britannia is played on the cornet outside and I appear at the door in a
general's full uniform and let down the curtain."
For acting in the manner designated--as touching the noises both inside
and out, the set dance with upraised knives, the casting to earth of
himself, and being myself in turn vanquished by the aged female, with
an added compact that from time to time I should be led by a chain
and shown to the people from a raised platform--we agreed upon a daily
reward of two pieces of silver, an adequacy of food, and a certain
ambiguously-referred-to share of the gain. It need not be denied that
with so favourable an opportunity of introducing passages from the
Classics a much less sum would have been accepted, but having obtained
this without a struggle, the one now recounting the facts raised the
opportune suggestion of an inscribed placard, in order to fulfil the
portent foreshadowed by William Greyson.
"Oh, we'll star you, never fear," assented the accommodating personage,
and having by this time reached that spot upon the Heath where his
Domestic Altar had been raised, we entered.
"All the most distinguished actors in this country take another
name," he said reflectively, when he had drawn forth a parchment of
praiseworthy dimensions and ink of three colours, "and though I have
nothing to say against Kong Ho Tsin Cheng Quank Paik T'chun Li Yuen
Nung for quiet unostentatious dignity, it doesn't have just the grip
and shudder that we want. Now how does 'Fang' strike you?" and upon my
courteous acquiescence that this indeed united within it those qualities
which he required, he traced its characters in red ink upon a lavish
scale.
"'Fang Hung Sin' about fits the idea of snap and bloodthirstiness, I
should say," he continued, and using the brush and all the colours
with an expert proficiency which would infallibly gain him an early
recognition at any of our competitive examinations, he presently laid
before me the following gracefully-composed notice, which was suspended
from a conspicuous pole about the door of the tent on the following day.
FANG HUNG SIN
The Captured Boxer Chieftain.
Under a strong guard, and by arrangement with the British and
Chinese authorities concerned,
Fang Hung Sin
Will positively re-enact the GORY SCENES of CARNAGE in which
he took a LEADING and SANGUINARY PART during the LATE RISING.
ALONE IN PEKIN
Or, What a Woman can do.
PANEL I. PEACE: The Missionary's Tent by Night--All's Well--
The Dread Warning--"I am by your side, Beloved."
PANEL II. ALARM: The Signal--The Spy--The Mob Outside--
Treachery--"Save Yourself, my Darling"--"And Leave
You? Never!"
PANEL III. REVENGE: The Attack--The Blow Falls--Who Can Save
Her Now?--"Back, Renegade Viper!"--The English Guns
--"Rule Britannia!"
FANG HUNG SIN, The Desperado.
There is only one FANG, and he must be seen.
FANG! FANG!! FANG!!!
I will not upon this occasion, esteemed one, delay myself with an
account of this barbarian Festival of Lanterns; or, as their language
would convey it, Feast of Cocoa-nuts, beyond admitting that with
the possible exception of an important provincial capital during the
triennial examinations I doubt whether our own unapproachable Empire
could show a more impressively-extended gathering, either in the diverse
and ornamental efflorescence of head garb, in the affectionate display
openly lavished by persons of one sex towards those of the other, or
even one more successful in our own pre-eminent art of producing the
multitudinous harmony of conflicting sounds.
At the appointed hour this person submitted himself to be heavily
shackled, and being led out before the assembled crowd, endeavoured by
a smiling benignity of manner and by reassuring signs of welcome, to
produce a favourable impression upon their sympathies and to allure
them within. This pacific face was undoubtedly successful, however
offensively the ill-conditioned one who stood by was inspired to express
himself behind his teeth, for the space of the tent was very quickly
occupied and the actions of simulation were to begin.
Without doubt it might have been better if this person had first made
himself more fully acquainted with the barbarian manner of acting. The
fact that this imagined play, which even in one of our inferior theatres
would have filled the time pleasantly for two or three months, was to
be compressed into the narrow limits of seven minutes and a half, should
reasonably have warned him that amid the ensuing rapidity of word and
action, most of the leisurely courtesies and all the subtle range of
concealed emotion which embellish our own wood pavement must be ignored.
But it is well and suggestively written, "The person who deliberates
sufficiently before taking every step will spend his life standing
upon one leg." In the past this one had not found himself to be grossly
inadequate on any arising emergency, and he now drew aside the hanging
drapery and prepared to carry out a preconcerted part with intrepid
self-reliance.
It has already been expressed, that the reason and incentive urging me
to a ready agreement lay in the opportunities by which suitable passages
from the high Classics could be discreetly woven into the fabric of the
plot, and the occupation thereby permeated with an honourable literary
flavour. In accordance with this resolve I blended together many
imperishable sayings of the wisest philosophers to present the cries and
turmoil of the approaching mob, but it was not until I protruded my
head beneath the hanging canopy in the guise of one observing that an
opportunity arose of a really well-sustained effort. In this position I
recited Yung Ki's stimulating address to his troops when in sight of an
overwhelming foe, and, in spite of the continually back-thrust foot
of the undiscriminating one before me, I successfully accomplished the
seventy-five lines of the poem without a stumble. Then entering fully,
with many deprecatory bows and expressions of self-abasement at taking
part in so seemingly detestable an action, I treacherously, yet with
inoffensive tact, struck the one wearing an all-round collar delicately
upon the back. Not recognising the movement, or being in some other way
obtuse, the person in question instead of sinking to the ground turned
hastily to me in the form of an inquiry, leaving me no other reasonable
course than to display the knife openly to him, and to assure him that
the fatal blow had already been inflicted. Undoubtedly his immoderate
retorts were inept at such a moment, nor was his ensuing strategy of
turning completely round three times, striking himself about the head
and body, and uttering ceremonious curses before he fell devoid of
life--as though the earlier remarks had been part of the ordained
scheme--to any degree convincing, and the cries of disapproval from the
onlookers proved that they also regarded this one as the victim of an
unworthy rebuke.
"Not if the benches were filled at half a guinea a head would I take
on another performance like that," exclaimed the one with whom I was
associated, when it was over. "Besides the dead loss of lasting three
quarters of an hour it's tempting providence when the seats are movable.
I suppose it isn't your fault, Kong, you poor creature, but you haven't
got no glare and glitter. There's only one thing for it: you must be the
Rev. Mr. Walker and I'll take Fang." He then robed himself in my attire,
guided me among the intricacies of the all-round collar and outer
garments in exchange, hung a slender rope about his back, and after
completing the artifice by a skilful device of massing coloured inks
upon our faces, he commanded me to lead him out by a chain and observe
intelligently how a captive Boxer chief should disport himself.
No sooner had we reached the platform than the one whom I controlled
leapt high into the air, dragged me to the edge of the erection, showed
his teeth towards the assembly and waved his arms menacingly at them;
then turning upon this person, he inflamed his face with passion,
rattled his chain furiously, and uttered such vengeance-laden cries
that, unable to subdue the emotion of fear, I abandoned all pretence,
and dropping the chain, fled to the furthest recess of the tent,
followed by the still threatening Fang.
There is an expression among us, "Cheng-hu was too considerate: he tried
to drive nails with a cucumber." Cheng-hu would certainly have quickly
found the necessity of a weapon of three-times hardened steel if he had
lived among these barbarians, who are insensible to the higher forms of
politeness, in addition to acting in a contrary and illogical manner
on all occasions. Instead of being repelled and discouraged by Fang's
outrageous behaviour, they clamoured to be admitted into the tent more
vehemently than before, and so successfully established the venture that
the one to whom I must now allude throughout as Fang signified to me his
covetous intention of reducing the performance by a further two and a
half minutes in order to reap an added profit and to garner all his rice
before the Hoang Ho rose.
As for myself, revered, it would be immature to hold the gauze screen of
prevarication between your all-discerning mind and my own trepidation.
From the moment when I first saw the expression of utterly depraved
malignity and deep-seared hate which he had cunningly engraved upon his
face by means of the coloured inks, I was far from being comfortably
settled within myself. Even the society of the not inelegant being of
the inner chamber, whom it was now my part to console with alluring
words and movements, could not for some time retain my face from a
back-way instinct at every sound; but when the detail was reached that
she sank into my grasp bereft of all energy, and for the first time I
was just succeeding in forgetting the unpropitious surroundings, the
one Fang, who had entered with unseemly stealth, suddenly hurled his
soul-freezing battle-cry upon my ear and leapt forward with uplifted
knife. Perceiving the action from an angle of my eye even as he
propelled himself through the air, I could not restrain an ignoble wail
of despair, and not scrupling to forsake the maiden, I would have taken
refuge beneath a couch had he not seized my outer robe and hurled me
to the ground. From this point to the close of the entertainment
the vigorous person in question did not cease from raising cries and
challenges in an unfaltering and many-fathomed stream, while at the same
time he continued to spring from one extremity of the stage to the other
surrounded by every external attribute of an insatiable tiger-like rage.
It is circumstantially related that the one near at hand, who has been
referred to as possessing a voiced machine, became demented, and bearing
the contrivance to a certain tent erected by the charitable, entreated
them to remove the impediment from its speech so that it might be heard
again and his livelihood restored. When the action of brandishing
a profusion of knives before the lesser one's eyes was reached, so
nerve-shattering was the impression which Fang created that the back of
the tent had to be removed in order to let out those who no longer had
possession of themselves, and to let in those--to a ten-fold
degree--who strove for admission on the rumour spreading that something
exceptionally repellent was progressing within.
With what attenuated organs of repose this person would have reached
the end of so strenuous an occupation had he been compelled to twelve
enactments each hour throughout the gong-strokes of the day without any
literary relief, it is not enticing to dwell upon. This evil was averted
by a timely intervention, for upon proceeding to the outer air for the
third time I at once perceived among the foremost throng the engaging
full-face of William Beveledge Greyson. This really painstaking
individual had learned, as he afterwards explained, that the chiefs of
exchange (those who in the first case had opposed me resolutely,) had
received a written omen, and now in contrition were expressing their
willingness to hold out a full restitution. With this assurance he
had set forth in an unremitting search, and guided by street-watchers,
removers of superfluous earth, families propelling themselves forward
upon one foot, astrologers, two-wheeled charioteers, and others who move
early and secretly by night, he had traced my description to this same
Heath. Here he had been attracted by the displayed placard (remembering
my honourable boast), and approaching nearer, he had plainly recognised my voice within. But in spite of this the successful disentanglement was by no means yet accomplished. |
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