Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 81

Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 81

Tune of, _The Delights of the Bottle_ &c.[F. 212] With Allowance. Ro.

L'Estrange.[F. 213]

 

 

All you that delight to hear a new song, [109.]

Or to see the world turn'd topsie turvy e're long,

Come give good attention unto these my Rhimes,

And never complain of the hardness of times,

For all will be mended, by this you may find,

_And Golden days come, when the Devil is blind_.

 

And first for the Shopkeeper, this I can tell,

That after long trusting, all things will be well,

The Gallant will pay him, what ever's his due

And make him rejoyce when he finds it is true:

False weights, & false measures, he then will not mind,

_But honest will prove, when the Devil is blind_.

 

The Country Client that comes up to Term,

Likewise from this subject, good news he may learn,

A benefit which he shall never more leese

For Lawyers hereafter will plead without Fees:

You shall have Law freely, if you be inclin'd,

_Without any charge, when the Devil is blind_.

 

The Usurer open his Coffers will throw,

And break all his Locks both above and below,

He'l burn all his Parchments, and cancel his Bands,

And freely return all his Morgaged Lands;

Young heirs will be glad for to see them so kind,

_But that will not be till the Devil is blind_.

 

[Illustration]

 

The Learned Phisitian who valued his wealth,

Will now be more chary of all peoples health,

And make it his business howe're he doth thrive,

To pussle his brains for to keep men alive:

Nor Mountebank Bills in the Streets you shall find,

_For they'l keep in their lies, when the Devil is Blind_.

 

Your Lady of pleasure that us'd for to rant,

And Coach it about with her lusty Gallant,

Will then become modest, and find a new way

To live like a Nun in a Cloyster all day:

Her Pride, and her painting she never will mind,

_But seem like a Saint when the Devil is blind_.

 

Yea the Bullies themselves that did use for to rore,

And spent great estates in good wine and a w----

Shall leave off their gameing, and fairly take up,

And scarcely will tast of the Grape half a Cup,

But leave good Canary, and Claret behind,

_Small Tipple to Drink, when the Devil is blind_.

 

The Hecks[F. 214] and the Padders[F. 215] who used to prey,

And venture abroad for no purchase, no pay,

Shall work for their livings, and find a new trade,

And never more travel like Knights of the Blade;

Let Newgate stand empty, and then you will find

_All this will prove true, when the Devil is blind_.

 

All Trades men will strive for to help one another,

And friendly will be, like to Brother and Brother,

And keep up their prices that money may flow,

Their charge to maintain and to pay what they owe:

Then two of a trade shall agree, if you mind,

_And all will be well when the Devil is blind_.

 

The Tapsters no more shall their Ticklers froth,

No Coffee men blind us with their Ninny broth,

Full measures of liquor shall pass through the Land,

And men without money the same shall command;

You'l say 'tis a wonder when this you do find,

_And that you will sure when the Devil is blind_.

 

Not onely the City shall find this welfare,

But throughout the Country the same they shall share,

No cheating and couzening tricks shall be us'd,

For by such deceit we have all been abus'd;

Those men who of late with _Duke Humphrey_ have din'd

_With plenty shall flow, when the Devil is blind_.

 

Then let us be merry and frolick amain,

Since the golden world is returning again,

We shall be all Gallants, as sure as a Gun,

When this work is finisht that's hardly begun;

Then Poets in both pockets Guinneys[F. 216] shall find,

_And purchase estates when the Devil is blind_.

 

FINIS.

 

Printed for _F. Coles_, _T. Vere_, _J. Wright_ and _J. Clarke_.

 

[Footnote 212: For tune, see Appendix, same as _The Leather

Bottel_.]

 

[Footnote 213: Licensed from 1663 to 1685.]

 

[Footnote 214: Probably a contraction for _hector_ or bully.]

 

[Footnote 215: Footpad.]

 

[Footnote 216: Guineas were made from the gold from the West

Coast of Africa, and were first coined in 1663, the African

company having by charter the right of stamping an elephant on

the coin.]

 

 

[110.] Evermore when Maister _Hobson_[F. 217] had any busines abroad,

his prentices wold ether bee at the taverne, filling there heads with

wine, or at the dagger in cheapeside, cramming their bellies with

minced pyes, but above al other times, it was their common custome

(as London prentises use) to follow their maisters upon Sundays to the

Church dore, and then to leave them and hie unto the taverne, which

Maister _Hobson_ on a time perceving one of his men to doe, demanded

at his comming home what the Preachers text was: Sir (quoth the

fellow) I was not at the beginning; what was in the middle (quoth

Maister _Hobson_) Sir, (qd the fellow) then was I asleepe: said

Maister _Hobson_ againe, what then was the conclusion? then Replyed

his servant, I was come, Sir, away before the end; by which meanes

he knew well he was not there, but rather in some tippling house

offending Gods majesty, and the lawes of the land. Therefore the

next Sunday morning after, Maister _Hobson_ called all his servants

together, and in the sight of many of his neighbors and their

prentises, tooke a peece of chaulke, & chaulkd them all the way

along to the Church derectly, which proved a great shame to his owne

servants, but a good example to all others of like condition; after

this was never the like mesdemenour used amongst them.

 

[Footnote 217: He must not be confounded with the Cambridge

carrier, whose famous dictum has passed into a proverb,

"Hobson's choice, that or none," that is, his inflexible rule

was for his customer to take the horse he apportioned to him

or go without. Our Hobson may be best described in the words

of his editor:--"In the beginning of Queene _Elizabeths_

most happy raigne, our late deceased Soveraigne, under whose

peaceful government long flourished this our Country of

_England_; There lived in the Citty of London, a merry Citizen

named old _Hobson_, a haberdasher of small wares, dwelling at

the lower end of _cheapside_, in the _Poultry_: as well

known through this part of _England_, as a Sergeant knows

the Counter-gate, he was a homely plaine man, most commonly

wearing a button'd cap close to his eares, a short gowne girt

hard about his middle, and a paire of slippers upon his feete

of an ancient fashion; as for his wealth it was answerable

to the better sort of our Cittizens, but of so mery a

disposition, that his equal therein is hardly to be found;

hereat let the pleasant disposed people laugh, and the more

graver in Carriage take no exceptions, for here are merriments

without hurt, and humorous jests savoring upon wisdome; read

willingly, but scoffe not spitefully, for old _Hobson_ spent

his dayes merrily."]

 

 

[17.] One affirmed that he had seen a Cabbage so big, that Five

hundred men on hors back might stand under its shade; and I for my

part, says another, have seen a Caldron so wide, That Three hundred

men wrought therein, each distant from the other twenty yards: Then

the Cabbage-lyer ask'd him, For what use was that Caldron? Says he, To

boil your Cabbage in.

 

 

[67.] A man excused y^e beating of his wife, because she was his

owne flesh, saying, may I not beat mine owne flesh? and she upon that

excused y^e scratching of him, saying, May I not scratch mine own

head?

 

 

An honest Vicker, and a kind consort, [102.]

That to the Alehouse friendly would resort,

To have a game at Tables now and than,

Or drinke his pot, as soone as any man: