Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 91

Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 91

Now to conclude and make an end

what I have put in Rhime,

That all Good-fellows they may se

to mend their lives in time:

And learn for to be Thrifty,

to save something by in store.

_Bad Company &c._

 

Printed for I. Deacon, at the Angel in Guilt Spur street, without

Newgate.

 

 

[110.] There dwelled not farre from Maister _Hobson_, two very ancient

women, the youngest of them both was above three score yeares of

age, and uppon a time sitting at the taverne together, they grew at

varience which of them should be the youngest (as women, indeede,

desier to be accompted younger than they be) in such manner that they

layd a good supper, of the valew of twenty shillings, for the truth

thereof, and Maister _Hobson_ they agreed upon to be their Judge of

the difference. So after Maister _Hobson_ had knowledge thereof, the

one came to him, and as a present gave him a very faire pidgion pye,

worth some five shillings, desiering him to passe the vardet[F. 233]

of her side; within a while after, the other came, and gave Maister

_Hobson_ a very faire grayhound, which kind of dogges he much

delighted in: praying him likewise to be favorable on her side,

wherefore hee gave judgment that the woman that gave him the grayhound

was the yonger, and so she wonn the supper of twenty shillings, Which

she perceiving, came to him and sayd, Sir, I gave you a pidgion pie,

and you promised the verdit should goe on my side. To whome Maister

_Hobson_ said, of a truth, good woman, there came a grayhound into

my house, and eate up the pidgion pye, and so by that meanes I quite

forgot thee.

 

[Footnote 233: Verdict.]

 

 

[103.] A Soldier Quartering in Cambridge, often observ'd a Young

Country Wench that Sold Piggs a Market Days, whereupon he went to her,

and desir'd to see some of her Pigs, she having several, he said, he

would have one alive, so she shewed him one that she had in a Bag.

Well, Sweet heart, said he, I live hard by, I will go and shew the Pig

to my Captain; if he like it, you shall have three shillings for it,

but in the mean time I will leave the Money with you; thus having got

the Pig tied up in the Bag, he went to his Lodging, and put in a Dog

in the Bag instead of it, and returning quickly to the Damsel, said

his Captain did not like the Pig, and therefore she took the Bag

without looking into it, and gave him his Money again. Not long after

came a French man in haste to buy a Pig, and he not liking those that

were dead, would have a live One; Sir, said she, I have one of the

same bigness alive, the Price of it is three Shillings, I will not

sell it a Farthing Cheaper; well, said he, if you will not, here is

your Money, but how shall I carry it? Why, for a Groat you shall have

the Poke and all. Poke, what is dat? said Monsieur. 'Tis a Bag. Is dat

de Poke? well here's a Groat. Thus away he goes with his Bargain home,

but when he comes to look in the Poke, he see the Dog, O de diable,

(said he) is dis de Pig? de Dible take me, if I do buy Pig in de Poke

agen.

 

 

_The Brewer._[F. 234]

 

Of all the trades that ever I see, [121.]

Theres none to the Brewer compared may be;

For so many several wayes works he,

_Which nobody can deny_.

 

A Brewer may put on a noble face,

And come to the wars with such a grace,

That he may obtain a Captains place;

_Which nobody can deny_.

 

A Brewer may speak so learnedly well,

And raise such stories for to tell,

That he may be come a Colonel;

_Which &c_

 

A Brewer may be a Parliament man,

For so his knavery first began,

And work the most cunning plots he can;

_Which &c_

 

A Brewer may be so bold a Hector,

That when he has drunk a cup of Nectar

He may become a Lord Protector;

_Which &c_

 

A Brewer may do all these things, you see,

Without controul, nay he may be

Lord Chancellor of the University:

_Which &c_

 

A Brewer may sit like a Fox in his cub,

And preach a Lecture out of a tub,

And give the world a wicked rub;

_Which &c_

 

But here remaines the strangest thing,

How he about his plots did bring,

That he should be Emperour above a King;

_Which no body can deny, deny;

Which no body dares deny._

 

[Footnote 234: A satire on Oliver Cromwell.]

 

 

[17.] Two Gentlemen riding from _Shipton_ to _Burford_ together, and

seeing the Miller of _Burford_ riding softly before on his sacks,

resolved to abuse him; so one went on one side of him, and t'other on

the other, saying Miller, now tell us, which art thou, more Knave or

Fool? Truly, says he, I know not which I am most but I think _I am

between both_.

 

 

[105.] On a time as _Scogin_ was riding to the Abbot of Bury, hee

asked of a Cowheard how far it was to Bury. The Cowheard said twenty

miles. May I, said _Scogin_, ride thither to night: yea, said the

Cowheard, if you ride not too fast, and also if you ride not a good

pace, you will be wet ere you come halfe waye there. As _Scogin_ was

riding on his way, he did see a cloud arise that was blacke, and being

afraid to be wet, he spurred his horse and did ride a great pace, and

riding so fast, his horse stumbled and strained his leg, and might not

goe. _Scogin_ revolving in his mind the Cowheards words, did set

up his horse at a poore mans house, and returned to the Cowheard,

supposing that he had beene a good Astronomer, because hee said, if

you ride not too fast, you may be at Bury tonight, and alsoe if you

doe not ride fast you shal be wet ere you come there. _Scogin_ said

to the Cowheard, what shall I give thee to tell mee, when I shall have

raine or faire weather? There goeth a bargain, said the Cowheard:

what wilt thou give me? _Scogin_ said, Twenty shillings. Nay, said

the Cowheard, for forty Shillings I will tell you and teach you, but I

will be paid first. Hold the money, said _Scogin_. The Cowheard said,

Sir, doe you see yonder Cow with the cut tail? Yea, said _Scogin_.

Sir, said the Cowheard, when that she doth begin to set up her rumpe,

and draw to a hedge or bush, within an houre after we shall have

raine: therefore take the Cow with you, and keepe her as I doe, and

you shall ever be sure to know when you shall have faire weather or

foule. Nay, said _Scogin_ keepe thy Cow still, and give me twenty

shillings of my mony. That is of my gentlenes saith the Cowheard,

howbeit you seeme to bee an honest man, there is twenty Shillings.

 

 

 

 

JOAN'S Ale is New;[F. 235] OR:

 

A new merry Medley, shewing the power, the strength, the operation,

and the vertue that remains in good Ale, which is accounted the

Mother-drink of _England_.

 

All you that do this merry Ditty view,

Taste of _Joan's_ Ale, for it is strong and new.

 

 

To a pleasant New Northern Tune.

 

[Illustration]

 

There was a jovial Tinker, [122.]

Which was a good Ale Drinker,

He never was a shrinker,

believe me this is true.

And he came from the wild[F. 236] of Kent,

When all his money was gone and spent,

Which made him like a Jack a Lent.

_And Jones Ale is new,

And Jones Ale is new Boys,

And Jones Ale is new._

 

The Tinker he did settle,

Most like a man of Mettle,

And vow'd to pawn his Kettle,

now mark what did ensue.

His Neibors they flockt in apace,

To see Tom Tinker's comely face,

Where they drank soundly for a space,

_Whilst Jones Ale &c_

 

The Cobler and the Broom-man,

Came next into the room man,

And said they would drink for boon man

let each one take his due.

But when good liquor they found,

They cast their caps upon the ground

And to the Tinker they drank round;

_Whilst Jones Ale &c_