Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 41

Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 41

John._ Presently, mother, as soone as he has cleans'd his beard. I

found him fast by the teeth, i' the cold Turkey pye, i' th' cupbord,

with a great white loafe on his left hand, and a glasse of _Malmesey_

on his right.

 

_Pure._ Slander not the _Brethren_ wicked one.

 

_John._ Here hee is, now, purified, Mother.

 

_Pure._ O brother _Busy_! your helpe heere to edifie, and raise us up

in a Scruple, my daughter _Win the fight_ is visited with a naturall

disease of women; call'd A longing to eate Pigge.

 

_John._ I, Sir, a _Bartholomew_[F. 80] pigge; and in the _Fayre_.

 

_Pure._ And I would be satisfied from you, Religiously-wise, whether a

widdow of the sanctified assembly, or a widdowes daughter, may commit

the act, without offence to the weaker sisters.

 

_Busy._ Verily, for the disease of longing, it is a disease, a carnall

disease, or appetite, incident to women: and as it is carnall, and

incident, it is naturall, very naturall: Now Pigge, it is a meat, and

a meat that is nourishing, and may be long'd for, and so consequently

eaten; it may be eaten; very exceeding well eaten; but in the _Fayre_,

and as a _Bartholomew_-pig it can not be eaten, for the very calling

it a _Bartholomew_-pigge, and to eate it so, is a spice of _Idolatry_,

and you make the _Fayre_ no better than one of the high _Places_.

This, I take it is the state of the question. A high place.

 

_John._ I, but in a state of necessity, _Place_ should give place Mr

_Busy_. (I have a conceit left, yet)

 

_Pure._ Good brother _Zeale of the land_, thinke to make it as lawfull

as you can.

 

_John._ Yes, Sir, and as soone as you can; for it must be, Sir; you

see the danger my little wife is in Sir.

 

_Pure._ Truely, I doe love my child dearely, and I would not have her

miscarry or hazard her first fruites if it might be otherwise.

 

_Busy._ Surely, it may be otherwise, but it is subject to

construction, subject, and hath a face of offence, with the weake, a

great face, a foule face, but that face may have a vaile put over it

and be shaddowed, as it were, it may be eaten, and in the _Fayre_, I

take it, in a Booth, the tents of the wicked: the place is not much,

not very much, we may be religious in midst of the prophane, so it

be eaten with a reformed mouth, with _Sobriety_, and humblenesse; not

gorg'd in with gluttony, or greedinesse; there's the feare: for

should she goe there, as taking pride in the place, or delight in the

uncleane dressing, to feed the vanity of the eye, or the lust of the

palat, it were not well, it were not fit, it were abominable, and not

good.

 

_John._ Nay, I knew that afore, and told her on't, but courage, _Win_,

we'll be humble enough; we'll seek out the homeliest Booth i' the

_Fayre_, that's certaine; rather than faile, wee'll eate it o' the

ground.

 

* * * * *

 

_Busy._ In the way of comfort to the weake, I will goe, and eat. I

will eate exceedingly, and prophesie; there may be a good use made of

it, too, now I thinke on't; by the publike eating of Swines flesh, to

professe our hate, and loathing of _Iudaisme_, whereof the brethren

stand taxed; I will therefore eate, yea, I will eate exceedingly.

 

[Footnote 78: A synonym for a Puritan, as Butler says in

_Hudibras_--

 

"Through Banbury I passed, O profane one,

And there I saw a Puritane one

Hanging of his Cat on Monday

For killing of a Rat on Sunday."

]

 

[Footnote 79: I is frequently used for ay.]

 

[Footnote 80: It was the proper thing to eat roast sucking pig

at Bartholomew fair.]

 

 

_Why women weare a fall._

 

A question 'tis why women weare a fall, [5.]

The truth it is to pride they are given all,

And pride the proverbe saies must have a fall.

 

A Gentleman did say [12.]

On the last Twelf-day,

That Cheese digests ev'ry thing;

Y'are dispos'd to jest,

And will ne're be at rest,

But at all will have a fling.

I'le say't o're agen

Nay, before any Men,

That it causes a good digestion;

You'l jest on still,

Let me say what I will,

Though you ne're are askt the Question.

 

 

[32.] What is it that goeth to the water, and leaveth its guts at

home? _Solution._ It is a pillow beer,[F. 81] for when it goeth to

washing, the pillow and the feathers be left at home.

 

[Footnote 81: Pillow case.]

 

 

[17.] Two Widdows sitting by the fire, were chatting together of their

dead Husbands; and one said, come, let us have another candle, for my

poor Husband lov'd light, God send him Light ever lasting; and

says the other; My poor Husband lov'd a good fire, I wish him Fire

everlasting.

 

 

[26.] A Young Country Fellow went a Wooing to a Country Lass, and he

had on then a speck and Span new Suit with Silver Buttons also; and in

all his Discourse with her, he used all the Art he could, to have

her take notice of his Buttons; at last when he saw she would take no

Notice of them at all: _Well_, says he, _these Silver Buttons keep me

so warm_: _Yes_, says she, _you had best lie in them all night, lest

you should take cold this frosty weather._

 

 

 

 

The poore man payes for all.

 

This is but a dreame which here shall insue,

But the Author wishes his words were not true.

 

To the Tune of _In slumbring sleepe I lay_.

 

[Illustration]

 

 

As I lay musing all alone [56.]

upon my resting bed,

Full many a cogitation

did come into my head:

And waking from my sleepe, I

my dreame to mind did call,

Methought I saw before mine eyes,

_how poore men payes for all_.

 

I many objects did behold,

in this my frightfull Dreame,

A part of them I will unfold;

and though my present Theame

Is but a fancy you may say,

yet many things doe fall

Too true alas; for at this day

_the poore man payes for all_.

 

Methought I saw (which caused my care)

what I wish were a fable,

That poore men still inforced are

to pay more than they are able;

Me thought I heard them weeping say,

their substance was but small,

For rich men will beare all the sway,

_and poore men pay for all_.

 

Me thought I saw how wealthy men

did grind the poore mens faces,

And greedily did prey on them,

not pittying their cases:

They make them toyle and labour sore,

for wages too too small:

The rich men in the Tavernes rore,

_but poore men pay for all_.

 

Methought I saw an Usurer old

walke in his Fox-fur'd gowne,

Whose wealth and eminence control'd

the most men in the Towne:

His wealth he by extortion got,

and rose by others fall,

He had what his hands earned not,

_but poor men pay for all_.

 

Me thought I saw a Courtier proud,

goe swaggering along,

That unto any scarce allow'd

the office of his tongue:

Me thought wert not for bribery,

his Peacocks plumes would fall,