Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 40

Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 40

Twill make a weeping Widdow laugh,

and some incline to pleasure;

Twill make an old man leave his staffe

and dance a youthfull measure:

And though your clothes be nere so bad,

all ragged, rent, and torne,

Against the Cold you may be clad

_with the little Barly Corne_.

 

Twill make a Coward not to shrinke,

but be as stout as may be,

Twill make a man that he shall thinke.

that _Jone's_ as good as my Lady:

It will inrich the palest face,

and with Rubies it adorne,

Yet you shall thinke it no disgrace,

_this little Barly Corne_.

 

Twill make your Gossips merry,

when they their liquor see,

Hey, we shall nere be weary,

sweet Gossip, here's to thee:

Twill make the Country Yeoman

the Courtier for to scorne,

And talk of Law suits ore a Can,

_with this little Barly Corne_.

 

It makes a man that write cannot

to make you large Indentures,

When as he reeleth home at night,

upon the watch he ventures:

He cares not for the Candle light

that shineth in the horne,

Yet he will stumble the way aright,

_this little Barly-Corne_.

 

Twill make a Miser prodigall,

and shew himselfe kind hearted

Twill make him never grieve at all,

that from his Coyne hath parted:

Twill make a Shepheard to mistake

his Sheepe before a storme:

Twill make the Poet to excell,

_this little Barly-Corne_.

 

It will make young Lads to call

most freely for their Liquor,

Twill make a young Lass take a fall,

and rise againe the quicker:

Twill make a man that he

shall sleepe all night profoundly,

And make a man what ere he be

_goe about his businesse roundly_.

 

Thus the Barly-Corne hath power

even for to change our nature,

And make a Shrew within an houre,

prove a kind-hearted creature:

And therefore here I say againe

let no man tak't in scorne,

That I the vertues doe proclaim

_of the little Barly-Corne_.

 

Printed in London for E. B.

 

[Footnote 73: For tune, see Appendix.]

 

[Footnote 74: ? Sneak.]

 

[Footnote 75: William Evans, a Welshman in the service

of Charles I. He was 7 ft. 6 in. high and at a masque at

Whitehall drew Sir Jeffrey Hudson out of his pocket. There

used to be a bas-relief over Bull's Head Court in Newgate

Street, of "The King's Porter and Dwarf."]

 

[Footnote 76: Dr. John Lambe was an impostor who early in the

17th century practised fortune-telling, juggling, showing a

magic crystal, and recovering stolen goods. He was indicted

at Worcester for witchcraft, after which he removed to London,

where he got into trouble, and he was finally pelted to death

by an infuriated mob on 13th June 1628. There is a very

rare pamphlet on this subject--"A brief description of the

notorious life of John Lambe, otherwise called Dr. Lambe,

together with his ignominious death, with a wood-cut of the

populace pelting him to death in the City of London." 4^o

1628.]

 

[Footnote 77: Banks was a Scotchman, and his performing horse

had the rare honour of being alluded to by Shakspeare ("Love's

Labour's Lost" Act i. s. 2). Moth says to Armado. "Why Sir,

is this such a piece of study? Now here's three studied, ere

you'll thrice wink; and how easy it is to put years to the

word three, and study three years in two words, _the dancing

horse will tell you_." The horse was certainly wonderfully

trained, and is spoken of in Tarlton's Jests, as having picked

him out as being the biggest fool in the company. His tricks

were marvellous, but perhaps his most noted feat was riding up

the steeple of St. Paul's in the year 1600. This feat is

mentioned in the following books. Decker's Dead-Tearme--Owle's

Almanack, 1618--The Meeting of Gallants at an Ordinarie, or

the Walkes in Powles, 1604--The Blacke Booke, 1604--Northward

Hoe, 1607--Rowley's Search for Money, 1609--Decker's Gul's

Horn-book, 1609--and His Jests to make you merie, 1607. The

horse afterwards went a continental trip, where he excited

great wonder, and his high training was put down to

witchcraft. Indeed a rumour was spread about that both he and

his master were burnt for sorcery; but this was not so, for

in Charles I.'s reign mention is more than once made of Banks

being a vintner in Cheapside. The horse's name was Marocco,

and there was a very curious book printed in 1595, called

"Maroccus extaticus or Bankes Bay Horse in a Trance," etc.]

 

 

_The Tanner and the Butcher's dogge._

 

[52.] A Country Tanner that was runing hastily through Eastcheape and

having a long Pike-Staffe on his shoulder, one of the Butchers dogs

caught him by the breech. The fellow got loose, and ranne his pike

into the Dogs throat, and killed him. The Butcher seeing that his

Dog was kill'd tooke hold of the Tanner, and carried him before the

Deputy, who asked him, What reason he had to kill the dogge? For mine

owne defence (quoth the Tanner). Why, quoth the Deputy, hast thou

no other defence but present death? Sir, quoth the Tanner, London

fashions are not like the Countries, for here the stones are fast in

the streets, and the Dogs are loose, but in the Country, the dogs are

fast tied, and the stones are loose to throw at them; and what should

a man do in this extremity, but use his staffe for his own defence?

Marry (quoth the Deputy) if a man will needs use his staffe, he might

use his blunt end, and not the sharp pike. True, Master Deputy, quoth

the Tanner, but you must consider, if the Dog had used his blunt end,

and runne his taile at me, then had there good reason for me to do

the like; but I vow Master Deputy, the Dogge came sharpe at me, and

fastned his teeth in my breech, and I again ranne sharp at him, and

thrust my pike into his belly. By my faith a crafty knave, quoth the

Deputy, if you will both stand to my verdict, send for a quart of

wine, be friends, and so you are both discharged.

 

 

_Cede majoribus._

 

I took the wall, one rudely thrust me by, [5.]

And told me the high way did open lye,

I thankt him that he would mee so much grace,

To take the worse and leave the better place.

For if by owners we esteem of things

The wall's the subject's, but the way the King's.

 

[32.] What is the most profitable beast, and that men eat least on?

_Solution._ It is a Bee, for it maketh both hony and wax, and yet

costeth his master nothing the keeping.

 

 

Mr. _Button_ being dead, [12.]

He was so fat, one said

That his Grave was three foot o're;

Why, you talk like a Fool,

'Tis but a Button-hole

To Graves I have made before.

 

 

[54.] Act 1. s. 6. Dame Purecraft. Win the fight Littlewit (her

daughter) John Little wit (a Proctor, Win's husband) Zeal of the land

Busy (a _Banbury_[F. 78] man suitor to Dame Purecraft.)

 

_Purecraft._ Now the blaze of the beauteous discipline, fright away

this evill from our house! how now _Win the fight_, Child: how do you?

Sweet child, speake to me.

 

_Win._ Yes forsooth.

 

_Pure._ Looke up, sweet _Win the fight_, and suffer not the enemy to

enter you at this doore, remember that your education has bin with the

purest; what polluted one was it, that nam'd first the uncleane beast,

Pigge, to you, Child?