Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 5
Men run on the score, and little they paid,
Which made the poor Smith be greatly dismaied,
And bonny _Besse_ though she were not slack
To welcome her guesse, yet things went to wrack;
For she would exchange a pot for a kisse,
Which any fellow should seldom times misse.
But quoth the good Wife, sweet hart do not rayl,
These things must be if we sell Ale.
The Smith went abroad, at length hee came home,
And found his maid and man in a room,
Both drinking together foot to foot,
To speak unto them he thought was no boot:
For they were both drunk and could not reply,
To make an excuse as big as a lye.
But quoth the good wife, sweet hart do not rayl,
These things must be if we sell Ale.
He came home again and there he did see
His Wife kindly sitting on a man's knee,
And though he said little, yet he thought the more,
And who can blame the poor Wittall therfore.
He hug'd her and kist her though Vulcan stood by,
Which made him to grumble, and look all awry.
But quoth the good wife, sweet hart do not rayl,
These things must be, if we sell Ale.
A Sort of Saylers were drinking one night,
And when they were drunk began for to fight,
The Smith came to part them, as some do report,
And for his good will was beat in such sort
That he could not lift his arms to his head,
Nor yet very hardly creep up to his bed.
But quoth the good wife, sweet hart do not rayl,
These things must be if we sell Ale.
The Smith by chance a good fellow had met,
That for strong Ale was much in his debt,
He ask't him for money; quoth he, by your leave,
I owe you no money, nor none you shall have.
I owe to your wife, and her I will pay;
The Smith he was vext and departed away.
Alas who can blame him, if now he do rayl,
For these things must be if we sell Ale.
* * * * *
A flock of good fellows, all Smiths by their trade,
Within a while after a holiday made,
Unto the Smith's house they came then with speed,
And there they were wondrous merry indeed,
With my pot and thy pot to make the score hier,
Mine Host was so drunk he fell in the fire.
But quoth the good Wife, sweet hart do not rayl,
These things must be if we sell Ale.
* * * * *
But men ran so much with him on the score,
That Vulcan at last grew wondrous poor,
He owed the Brewer and Baker so much,
They thretned to arrest him, his case it was such;
He went to his Anvill, to my pot and thine,
He turn'd out his Maid, he pul'd down his Signe,
But O (quoth the good Wife) why should we fail,
These things should not be, if we sell Ale.
The Smith and his boy went to work for some chink,
To pay for the liquor which others did drink
Of all trades in London few break as I heare,
That sell Tobacco, strong Ale and good Beer,
They might have done better, but they were loth
To fill up their measure with nothing but froth.
Let no Ale-house keeper at my Song rayl,
These things must be if they sell Ale.
Humfrey Crowch.[F. 17]
FINIS.
London. Printed for RICHARD HARPER[F. 18] in Smithfield.
[Footnote 15: A Stand of Ale was a beer barrel set on end.]
[Footnote 16: Guests.]
[Footnote 17: Of Humphrey Crowch or Crouch little is known,
but we know he published many ballads and books of the
chap-book order; among the former is the Mad Man's Morrice,
and among the latter is England's Jests refin'd. He certainly
wrote from 1637 to 1687.]
[Footnote 18: Richard Harper published from 1635 to 1642.]
[8.] _Jack Roberts_ was desired by his Taylour, when the reckoning
grew somewhat high, to have a Bill of his hand. _Roberts_ said, I am
content, but you must let no man know it; when the Taylour brought him
the Bill, he tore it as in choler, and said to him, _You use me not
well, you promised me that no man should know it, and here you have
put in: Be it known unto all Men by these Presents_.
[1.] A Certain Butcher was flaying a Calf at night and had stuck a
lighted Candle upon his head, because he would be the quicker about
his business, and when he had done, he thought to take the same Candle
to light him to bed: but he had forgot where he had set it, and sought
about the House for it, and all the while it stuck in his Cap upon his
head, and lighted him in seeking it. At the last one of his fellows
came and asked him what he sought for? Marry, (quoth he) I look for
the Candle which I did flay the Calf withal. Why, thou fool, qd. he,
thou hast a Candle in thy Cap: and then he felt towards his Cap, and
took away the Candle burning, whereat there was great laughing and he
mocked for his labour, as he was well worthy.
A rich man, and's Wife, [12.]
Were every day at strife,
And each wisht t'other in the Grave;
But their good Son and Heir
Begg'd God grant their Prayer,
That both their desires they might have.
One _Hart_, that was Wild [12.]
Got a woman with Child,
But the Justice did take his part;
Then she cry'd and did mumble,
Sayes the Justice de'e grumble?
No, I grieve, Sir, and lay it to _Hart_.
[4.] Just after the late Kings Restauration, when going to Church came
to be in fashion, an old Woman was advised by her Neighbours to go
to Church; for fear of being Presented, she was resolved to go once a
month to save her Bacon: So Dressing herself very fine, she came
into the Church, just at the Expiration of the Letany, and the Parson
having said, _Lord have Mercy upon us_, and then the People Responding
thereto, she Cryed out aloud, _I never was here before in my Life, and
since you make such a Wonderment at it I will never come again_.
_On Sextus._
Sextus doth wish his wife in heaven were [5.]
Where can shee have more happines than there?
_The Rurall Dance about the_ May-pole.[F. 19]
_The Tune the first Figure dance at_ Mr Young's Ball _in_ May 1671
Come lasses and ladds, [13.]
Take leave of your Dadds,
And away to the _May-pole_ hey;
For every he
Has got him a she
With a Minstrill standing by.
For _Willy_ has gotten his _Jill_,
And _Jonny_ has got his _Jone_,
To jigg it, jigg it, jigg it, jigg it,
Jigg it up and down.
Strike up sayes _Wat_
Agreed sayes _Kate_,
And I prethee Fidler play,
Content sayes _Hodge_,
And so sayes _Madge_,
For this is a Holliday.
Then every man did put
His Hat off to his Lasse,
And every Girle did curchy,
Curchy, curchy on the Grasse.
Begin sayes _Hall_.
[F. 20] I. I says _Mall_
Wee'l lead up _Packingtons_[F. 21] pound
No, no, says _Noll_
And so says _Doll_
Wee'l first have _Sellengers_[F. 22] round:
Then every man began
To foot it round about,
And every Girle did jet it,
Jet it, jet it in and out
Y'are out, says _Dick_,
'Tis a lye, says _Nick_,
The Fidler play'd it false;
'Tis true says _Hugh_,
And so says _Sue_,
And so says nimble _Alice_;
The Fidler then began
To play the Tune agen,
And every Girle did trip it,
Trip it, trip it to the men.
Let's kiss says _Jane_,
Content, says _Nan_
And so says every she
How many says _Batt_,
Why three says _Matt_,
For that's a maiden's fee;
But they instead of three
Did give 'em halfe a score,
And they in kindnesse gave 'em,
Gave 'em, gave 'em as many more.
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