Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 10

Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 10

The Devil's Oak:=

 

or, his

 

Ramble in a Tempestuous Night, where he

hapn'd to Discourse with Men of

several Callings, of his own

Colour and Complexion.

 

_To a very pleasant new Tune._

 

And the Devil he was weather-beat, [21.]

and forc'd to take a tree,

Because the tempest was so great,

his way he could not see:

But under an Oak, instead of a Cloak,

he stood to keep himself dry,

And as he stood, a Fryer in his hood,

by chance came passing by.

 

And the Devil he made the Fryer afraid,

with that he crost his breast;

Then up the Devil started, the Fryer was faint-hearted,

you may wink and choose the best:

For I am the Fryer, and thou art the Lyar,

therefore thou art my father;

I am a Doctor of Evil, and thou art the Devil,

the worser I hold thee rather.

 

A Collier and his Cart came by,

which coals he did use to carry.

And as soon as the Devil he did him espy,

he caused him awhile to tarry:

For why, I do think that with thee I must drink,

and he called for a glass of claret;

Now I find by thy smell, that thou camest from hell,

and I fear thou hast stole my chariot.

 

[Illustration]

 

The next that came by was a Chimney Sweeper,

with poles, his brooms, and shackles,

What meanest thou, Man, the Devil he said,

that thou usest all those tackles?

I pry thee gentle Blade, tell me thy trade,

thy face it is so besmeared,

Hadst thou been so black, and no tools at thy back,

thou'dst have made me sore afraid.

 

Sir, a Chimney Sweeper I do profess,

although my trade's but mean,

It is for to sweep all dirty holes,

and to keep foul chimneys clean:

Then go to Hell, where the Devil doth dwell,

and he will give thee a piece,

God a mercy, old Dog, when I sheer my hog

then thou shalt have the fleece.

 

The next that came by was a tawny Moor,

and the Devil bid him see,

And he fleered on his tawny skin,

crying, Friend, art thou any kin to me?

For sure your skin doth resemble our kin,

therefore let us walk together,

And tell me how you do allow,

of this tempestuous weather.

 

Then the next that came by was a Gun-powder man,

which coales and brimstone sifted,

That in three quarters of a year,

himself had hardly shifted:

Then up the Devil rose, and snuffed his nose,

he could indure it no longer,

Cry'd, Away with this fume, 'tis not fit for the room

it will neither quench thirst, no, nor hunger.

 

I pre thee, gentle Blade, tell me thy trade,

as thou hast so strong a smell,

It is for to make gunpowder, he said,

for to blow the Devil out of Hell:

And if I had him here, his joynts would I tear,

he should neither scratch, no, nor bite,

I would plague the Devil, for all his evil,

and make him leave walking by night.

 

Then a Tinker worse than all the rest,

although he was not so black,

By chance as he came passing by,

with his budget on his back:

He cry'd, Yonder is the Devil's tree

let us see who dar'st go thither,

For it will sustain, from the wind and the rain,

or any tempestuous weather.

 

That shall be try'd, the Devil then he cry'd,

then up the Devil he did start,

Then the Tinker threw his staff about,

and he made the Devil to smart:

There against a gate, he did break his pate,

and both his horns he broke:

And ever since that time, I will make up my rhime,

it was called _The Devil's Oak_.

 

Printed for C. Bates,[F. 30] at the Sun and Bible, in Pye Corner.

 

[Footnote 30: Charles Bates, at this address (there were three

contemporary C. Bates), published in 1685.]

 

 

[4.] A Wine Cooper in _Mark Lane_ taking a Gentleman down into his

Cellar to Treat him, he, finding no Seat there for him to sit on,

asked him the reason of it; _Why_, says the Wine Cooper, _I will have

no Man here Drink longer than he can stand._

 

 

_To Doctor_ Sheerhood _how Sack makes one leane_. [16.]

I marveld much last day what you did meane,

To say that drinking Sack will make one leane;

But now I see, I then mistooke you cleane,

For my good neighbour _Marcus_, who I tro,

Feares fatness much, this drinke hath plyde him so,

That now except he leane he cannot goe.

Ha, gentle Doctor, now I see your meaning,

Sack will not leave one leane, 'twill leave him leaning.

 

 

_Tom's_ Ears being lost, [12.]

For fear of the frost

The haire very long he wears;

Then ask him why he will

Not cut it; he still

Says he dares not for his ears.

 

 

[8.] A debaucht Seaman being brought before a Justice of Peace upon

the account of swearing, was by the Justice commanded to deposit his

Fine in that behalf provided, which was two shillings, he thereupon

plucking out of his pocket a half crown, asked the Justice what was

the rate he was to pay for cursing, the Justice told him six pence,

quoth he then, A Pox take you all for a company of Knaves and fools,

and there's half a crown for you; I will never stand changing of mony.

 

 

The Long Nos'd Lass

 

is evidently traceable to Miss Tannakin Skinker, who was born in 1618;

but it is astonishing how widely spread is the belief in "Pig faced

Ladies." No doubt but there has been some foundation in fact for it,

for I am credibly informed that not long since,[F. 31] a child, whose

face bore a singular likeness to a pig, was born in the City of London

Lying-in Hospital in the City Road--and not only survived its birth,

but is in all probability still living. In 1815 a pig-faced lady,

elegantly dressed, used to drive about London in her carriage; but

whether people were being hoaxed by one wearing a mask is not known.

George Morland painted a portrait of the "Wonderful Miss Atkinson Born

in Ireland, has £20,000 fortune and is fed out of a Silver Trough,"

and Fairburn published an engraving of her. Miss Steevens, who founded

Steeven's Hospital at Dublin, is also credited with being pig-faced;

whilst pig-faced ladies used commonly to be shown at fairs. But these

were fictitious, as a quarrel in a caravan at Plymouth, some years

since, brought to light, when it was shown that her ladyship was a

bear whose face and neck had been carefully shaved, whilst its

head was adorned with a wig with ringlets and a cap with artificial

flowers. The bear was securely fastened in a chair, and draped to

imitate a fashionably-dressed lady.

 

It is, however, with the contemporary monstrosity that we have chiefly

to deal, and a very rare tract in the Bodleian Library[F. 32] gives

"A certaine Relation of the Hog faced Gentlewoman called Mistris

_Tannakin Skinker_, who was borne at _Wirkham_ a Neuter Towne betweene

the Emperour and the Hollander, scituate on the river Rhyne. Who was

bewitched in her mothers wombe in the yeare 1618, and hath lived ever

since unknowne in this kind to any, but her Parents and a few other

neighbours. And can never recover her true shape tell she be married

&c. _Also relating the cause, as it is since conceived, how her mother

came so bewitched._ _London._ Printed by _J. O._ and are to be sold

by _F. Grove_,[F. 33] at his shop on _Snow-hil_ neare _St Sepulchers

Church_." 1640.

 

This veracious history gives an account of various remarkable births.

"But I come now to humane Births, beginning with those forraigne, and

ending with the domesticke; about the beginning of the Marsick Warre,

one _Alcippe_, a woman of especiall note, at the time of her childing,

was delivered of an Elephant; and another (whose name is not left unto

us) of a Serpent. In _Thessaly_, one was brought to bed of an infant

which had the shape of an Hypocentaure, and expired the same day that

it received breath," etc.

 

After thus paving the way for his own particular marvel, the writer

goes on: "I fall now immediatly upon the party before propounded. In

a place in _Holland_ called _Wirkham_, being a neuter Towne; as lying

between _Holland_ and those parts belonging to the Empire, on the

River _Rhine_, lived one _Ioachim Skinker_, whose wife's name was

_Parnel_, a man of good revenue, but of a great estate in money and

cattle; these two having very loving lived together without any issue

to succeed them in their goods and inheritance: it being no small

griefe unto them, that either strangers, or some of their owne

ungrateful kindred should after death enjoy those meanes, for which

they had so laboriously travail'd: When they were in their greatest

despaire, it hapned thus, she found herselfe conceived with childe,

which was a greater joy and comfort to her and her husband: But

whether they were unthankful for such an unexpected blessing, or

what other thing was the cause, I am not able to determine; but it

so hapned, that in the yeere 1618, she was safely delivered of a

Daughter, all the limbes and lineaments of her body well featured and

proportioned, only her face, which is the ornament and beauty of all

the rest, had the Nose of a Hog, or Swine: which was not only a stain

and blemish, but a deformed uglinesse, making all the rest lothsome,

contemptible and odious to all that lookt upon her in her infancie.