Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 15
[Footnote 56: A place at Bankside, Southwark, famous for bull
and bear baiting.]
[Footnote 57: Francis Coles published between 1646 and 1674.]
[18.] A pleasant Fancy of an Italian by name _Trivelino_, Who falling
asleep one Day, with his Horse's Bridle twisted in his Arm, another
came who unbridled his Horse and got away. _Trivelino_ being awaked,
and missing his Horse began to feel himself about, saying _Either I
am_ Trivelino, _or not: If I am_ Trivelino _my Horse is lost; If not,
I have got a Bridle, but know not how_.
A simple Fellow lookt [12.]
On a dish that was cookt,
Wherein was a Calves Head by name;
One told him, 'twas so clear,
If he lookt very near,
He might see his face in the same.
_Ad_ Johannuelem Leporem, _Lepidissimum_;
_Carmen Heroicum_.
I sing the furious battails of the Sph[oe]res [24.]
Acted in eight and twenty fathom deep,
And from that (_a_) time, reckon so many yeares
You'l find (_b_) _Endimion_ fell fast asleep.
_a._ There began the _Utopian_ accompt of years. _Mor: Lib 1.
circa finem._
_b._ _Endimion_ was a handsome young Welshman, whom one _Luce
Moone_ lov'd for his sweet breath; and would never hang off
his lips; but he not caring for her, eat abundance of toasted
cheese, purposely to make his breath unsavory; upon which she
left him presently, and ever since 'tis proverbially spoken
(as inconstant as Luce Moone). The _Vatican_ coppy of _Hesiod_
reades her name _Mohun_, but contractedly it is _Moone_.
_Hesiod. lib 4. tom. 3._
And now assist me O ye (_c_) Musiques nine
That tell the Orbs in order as they fight
And thou dread (_d_) _Atlas_ with thine eyes so fine,
Smile on me now that first begin to write.
_c._ For all the Orbes make Musick in their motion. _Berosus
de Sphera, lib 3._
_d._ _Atlas_ was a Porter in _Mauritania_, and because by
reason of his strength, he bore burthens of stupendious
weight, the Poets fain'd that he carried the Heavens on his
shoulders. _Cicero de nat Deorum. lib. 7._
(_e_) _Pompey_ that once was Tapster of _New June_,
And fought with _Cæsar_ on th' (_f_) _Æmathian plaines_,
First with his dreadful (_g_) _Myrmidons_ came in,
And let them blood in the Hepatick veines.
_e._ There were two others of this name. Aldermen of _Rome_.
_Tit. Liv. hist. lib. 28._
_f._ _Æmathia_ is a very faire Common in _Northampton shire_.
_Strabo. lib 321._
_g._ These _Myrmidons_ were _Cornish-men_ and sent by
_Bladud_, sometime king of this Realme, to ayd _Pompey_.
_Cæsar de bello. civili. lib. 14._
But then an _Antelope_ in Sable blew,
Clad like the (_h_) Prince of _Aurange_ in his cloke,
Studded with Satyres, on his Army drew,
And presently (_i_) _Pheander's_ Army broke.
_h._ It seemes not to be meant by _Count Henry_ but his
brother _Maurice_, by comparing his picture to the thing here
spoken of. _Jansen, de præd. lib 22._
_i._ _Pheander_ was so modest, that he was called the Maiden
Knight; and yet so valiant, that a French Cavaleer wrote his
life, and called his book _Pheander_ the _Maiden Knight_.
_Hon. d'Urfee. Tom 45._
(_k_) Philip for hardiness sirnamed _Chub_,
In Beauty equall to fork bearing (_l_) _Bacchus_,
Made such a thrust at (_m_) _Ph[oe]be_ with his Club,
That made the (_n_) _Parthians_ cry she will ---- us.
_k._ This seems not to be that king that was Son of _Amintas_,
and king of _Macedon_; but one who it seems was very
lascivious.
_l._ _Bacchus_ was a drunken yeoman of the Guard to Queen
_Elizabeth_ and a great Archer; so that it seems the Authour
mistooke his halbert for a forke.
_m._ This was _Long-Megg_[F. 58] of _Westminster_, who after
this conflict with _Phillip_ followed him in all his warres.
_Justinian. lib 35._
_n._ These were _Lancashire-men_ and sent by King _Gorbadug_
(for this war seemes to have been in the time of the
_Heptarchy_ in _England_) to the aide of _Cæsar_. Cæsar. lib.
citat. prope finem.
A subtle Gloworme lying in a hedge,
And heard the story of sweet cheek't (_o_) _Apollo_,
Snatch'd from bright (_p_) _Styropes_ his Antick sledge,
And to the butter'd Flownders cry'd out (_q_) _Holla_.
_o._ _Apollo_ was _Cæsars_ Page, and a _Monomapatan_ by
birth, whose name by inversion was _Ollopa_: which in the old
language of that Country, signifies as much as faire youth:
but _Euphoniæ Gratia_, called _Apollo_. _Gor. Bec. lib. 46._
_p._ _Styropes_ was a lame Smith's-man dwelling in _St. John's
Street_; but how he was called Bright I know not, except it
were by reason of the Luster of his eyes.
_q._ _Holla_, mistaken for _Apollo_.
_Holla_ you pamper'd Jades, quoth he, look here,
And mounting straight upon a Lobsters thigh,
An _English_ man inflam'd with (_r_) double Beere,
Swore nev'r to (_s_) drink to Man, a Woman by.
_r._ Cervisia (apud Medicos, vinum hordeaceum) potus est
Anglis longè charismus; Inventum Ferrarii _Londinensis_, Cui
nomen _Smuggo_. _Polydor. Virgil. de Invent. rerum. lib. 2._
_s._ Impp. Germaniæ, antiquitus solebant, statis temporibus,
adire _Basingstochium_; ubi, de more, Jusjurandum solenne
præstabant, de non viro propinando, præsente muliere. Hic Mos,
jamdudum apud _Anglos_, pene vim legis obtinuit; quippe gens
illa, longe humanissima morem istum, in hodiernum usque
diem, magna Curiositate, pari Comitate conjuncta, usurpant.
_Pancirol. utriusque imperii. lib. 6._ cap 5.
By this time grew the conflict to be (_t_) hot,
Boots against boots, 'gainst (_u_) Sandals, Sandals fly,
Many poor thirsty men went to the pot,
Feathers lopt off, spurrs every where did lie.
_Cætera desiderantur._
_t._ It seems this was a great battail, both by the furie
of it, and the aydes of each side; but hereof read more in
_Cornel. Tacit. lib. de moribus German._
_u._ This is an imitation of _Lucan_. "Signis Signa & pila"
&c. _Pharsalia. lib. 1._ in principio.
[Footnote 58: A virago who lived temp. Henry VIII.]
_Of Treason._
Treason doth never prosper; what's the reason? [16.]
For if it prosper, none dare call it Treason.
A miserable _Jack_ [12.]
Gave a little glass of Sack.
To a Lass that liv'd at the _Spittle_;
'Tis old wine, says he,
That's a wonder, says she,
To be old, and yet so little.
[18.] 'Tis said of one who well remembred what he had lent, but forgot
what he had borrowed, that _he had lost one half of his Memory_.
_On the word intollerable._
Two gentlemen did to a Tavern come, [5.]
And call'd the drawer for to shew a room,
The drawer did, and what room think ye was't?
One of the small ones, where men drink in haste;
One gentleman sat down there, but the other
Dislik'd it, would not sit, call'd for another:
At which his friend, rising up from the table,
Cryes, friend, let's stay, this room is tollerable:
Why, that's the cause (quoth hee) I will not stay,
Is that the cause, quoth th' other? why, I pray?
To give a reason to you, I am able,
Because I hate to be in--Tollerable.
[26.] A Gentleman coming drunk to Bed over night, in the morning could
not find his breeches: then he knock'd for the Chamberlain: _Sir_,
says he, _if you are sure you brought them in with you, you had best
search your pockets for them, for you lost all your Money last Night
out of your Pockets, it may be your Breeches are got in there_.
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