Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 14

Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 14

You will this _Day_ at the _Greek_ Calends find.

For, if the Sun doth hang _behind_ the Change,

If you can find the _Day before_ 'tis strange.

Then to the Tavern, Landlord, let's away,

Chear up your heart, hang't, 'tis a broken Day.

And for your Rent, never thus Rent your Soul,

E're long you'l see _Day_ at a little hole:

Look at the _Counter_[F. 52] when you go that way,

Early enough, and you'l see peep of _Day_.

But how now Landlord? what's the matter pray?

What, can't you sleep, you do so long for _Day_?

Have you a mind, Sir, to arrest the _Day_?

There's no such Sergeant as a _Joshua_.

Why, Landlord, is the Quarter out I pray;

That you Keep such a quarter for the Day?

Put off your passion, pray; true, 'tis a Summe:

But don't you know that a Pay-day will come?

I'le warrant you, do you but banish sorrow,

My life for yours, _Day_ comes again to morrow.

 

[Footnote 51: Diogenes.]

 

[Footnote 52: One of the city prisons.]

 

 

[26.] A Person of Quality in this Kingdom, was one night at Supper at

_Pickadilly house_ which was then an Ordinary and great Gaming House,

where he had bowled all day; and after Supper he call'd for some

Cheese, which it seems was very thin and lean; then he ask't the

Master of the House, where those Cows went, of whose Milk that Cheese

was made? He told him they graz'd not far off; then he swore a great

Oath that he was Confident that they never fed in any other place than

his Bowling Alley, which was made good by the fatness of the Cheese

they now tasted of, for it cries _Rub, rub_, in the eating of it, when

'tis so long a going down.

 

Another person of Quality also, in this Kingdom, amongst other

Gentlemen, did often meet at a Bowling Ally, which stood next to the

Church-yard; and the Parson of that Church had this Benefit, That if

any did swear there, he was to have 12d for every Oath: This Person

aforesaid, happened to swear a great _Goliah_ Oath, upon which the

Parson demanded 12d. which he gave him; and after that swore many

others, for which he paid 12d a piece; and then swearing another,

he demanded 12d as before; then he pluckt out of his pocket a 20

Shilling piece and bid him give him 19s. again. _Sir_, says he, _I

cannot_. _Why then_, says he, _take it for I intend to swear it out_.

 

 

 

 

THE GREAT BOOBEE.[F. 53]

 

To a pleasant New Tune or _Sallenger's Round_.

 

 

[Illustration]

 

 

My Friend, if you will understand [28.]

my Fortunes what they are,

I once had Cattell, House and Land,

but now I am never the near;

My Father left a good estate,

as I may tell to thee,

I couzned was of all I had,

_like a great Boobee_.

 

I went to School with a good intent,

and for to learn my Book,

And all the day I went to play,

in it I never did look:

Full seven years, or very nigh,

as I may tell to thee,

I could hardly say my _Christ Cross Row,[F. 54]

like a great Boobee_.

 

My Father then in all the haste,

did set me to the Plow,

And for to lash the Horse about,

indeed I knew not how:

My Father took his Whip in his hand,

and soundly lashed me,

He call'd me Fool and Country Clown,

_and great Boobee_.

 

But I did from my Father run,

for I will plow no more,

Because he so had slashed me,

and made my sides so sore:

But I will go to _London_ Town

some Vashions for to see,

When I came there, they call'd me Clown

_and great Boobee_.

 

But as I went along the street,

I carried my Hat in my hand,

And to every one that I did meet,

I bravely bust[F. 55] my hand:

Some did laugh, and some did scoff,

and some did mock at me,

And some did say I was a _Woodcock,

and a great Boobee_.

 

Then did I walk in hast to _Paul's_

the Steeple for to view,

Because I heard some people say,

it must be builded new;

Then I got up unto the top,

the City for to see,

It was so high, it made me Cry

_like a great Boobee_.

 

From thence I went to Westminster

and for to see the Tombs,

Ah, said I, what a house is here,

with an infinite sight of Rooms?

Sweetly the Abby bells did ring,

it was a fine sight to see,

Methought I was going to Heaven in a string

_like a great Boobee_.

 

But as I went along the Street

the most part of the day,

Many gallants did I meet

methought they were very gay:

I blew my Nose and foul'd my Hose,

some people did me see,

They said I was a Beastly Fool,

_and a great Boobee_.

 

Next day I through _Pye Corner_ past

the roast meat on the Stall

Invited me to take a taste

my Money was but small:

The Meat I pickt, the Cook me kickt

as I may tell to thee,

He beat me sore, and made me rore,

_like a great Boobee_.

 

As I through Smithfield lately walkt

a gallant Lass I met

Familiarly with me she talkt,

which I cannot forget:

She proferr'd me a pint of Wine,

methought she was wondrous free,

To the Tavern then I went with her,

_like a great Boobee_.

 

She told me we were neer of kin,

and call'd for Wine good store,

Before the reckoning was brought in

my Cousin proved a ----:

My Purse she pickt, and went away,

my Cousin couzned me,

The Vintner kickt me out of door,

_like a great Boobee_.

 

At the _Exchange_ when I came there,

I saw most gallant things,

I thought the Pictures living were

of all our English Kings:

I doft my Hat, and made a Leg,

and kneeled on my knee,

The people laught, and call'd me Fool,

_and great Boobee_.

 

To _Paris Garden_[F. 56] then I went,

where there is great resort,

My pleasure was my punishment,

I did not like the sport:

The Garden Bull with his stout horns

on high then tossed me,

I did bewray myself with fear,

_like a great Boobee_.

 

Then o're the Water did I pass,

as you shall understand,

I dropt into the Thames alas

before I came to Land:

The Water-man did help me out,

and thus did say to me,

Tis not thy fortune to be drown'd

_like a great Boobee_.

 

But I have learned so much wit,

shall shorten all my cares,

If I can but a License get

to play before the Bears:

'Twill be a gallant place indeed,

as I may tell to thee

Then who dare call me Fool or Ass

_or great Boobee_.

 

Printed for _F. Coles_,[F. 57] in _Wine Street_, on _Saffron Hill_

near _Hatton Garden_.

 

[Footnote 53: For tune see Appendix.]

 

[Footnote 54: The alphabet, so called because in the old Horn

books the letters, which were of course in a row, commenced

with a Cross. In Morley's _Introduction to Practical Music_

(printed 1597) is the following: "Christes Crosse be my speed,

in all vertue to proceede A. b. c. d. e. f. g. h. i. k. l. m.

n. o. p. q. r. s. and t. double u. v. with y, ezod & per se,

con per se, tittle, tittle est. Amen. When you have done begin again, begin again!"]