Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 48
Face._ Which finger's that?
_Sub._ His little finger, Looke.
Yo' were borne upon a Wensday.
_Drug._ Yes, indeed, Sir.
_Sub._ The Thumbe, in _Chiromantie_, we give _Venus_;
The Fore-finger to _Iove_; the Midst, to _Saturne_;
The Ring to _Sol_, the Least to Mercurie,
Who was the Lord, Sir, of his _Horoscope_,
His _House of Life_ being _Libra_. Which foreshew'd
He should be a Marchant, and should trade with Ballance.
_Face._ Why, this is strange! Is't not, honest _Nab_?
_Sub._ There is a Ship now, comming from Ormu's,
That shall yeeld him such a Commoditie
Of Drugs. This is the West, and this the South?
_Drug._ Yes Sir.
_Sub._ And those are your two sides!
_Drug._ I, Sir.
_Sub._ Make me your Dore, then, South; your broad side, West;
And, on the East-side of your shop, aloft,
Write _Mathlaj_, _Tarmiel_, and _Baraborat_;
Upon the North-part _Rael_, _Velel_, _Thiel_,
These are the names of those _Mercurian_ Spirits,
That doe fright flyes from boxes.
_Drug._ Yes Sir,
_Sub._ And
Beneath your threshold, bury me a Loade stone
To draw in Gallants that weare spurres; The rest
Theyll seeme to follow.
In this play, too, Alchemy is scarified, as is also the Puritanism of
the age.
[Footnote 93: ? Laurence Price.]
[Footnote 94: He published from 1641 to 1683.]
[Footnote 95: Brit. Mus. Cat. (E. 1351.)/1]
[Footnote 96: Company.]
[Footnote 97: A play upon the word. Subtle meaning the gold
coin called an Angel, value 10s.]
[Footnote 98: _i.e._ be made a liveryman.]
[Footnote 99: Made sheriff.]
[Footnote 100: Pay the penalty instead of serving.]
A very drunken Sot [12.]
The Hickock had got,
Cause he drank _Rosa Solis_ and _Aqua Vitæ_;
Such Latine drink that he
Declines _Hic_, _Hoc_, very free,
But such English words as wou'd fright ye.
[52.] A poore man travelling from door to door a begging, being lately
come from _Paris_, a City in _France_, being invited by hunger to a
good simple Country Swain's doore, to aske his almes; his wife asked
him what he was, and from whence he came? Quoth the fellow, from
_Paris_. From _Paradise_ (quoth she) then thou knowest my old _John_
there (meaning her former husband) I, quoth the fellow, that I doe. I
pray thee (quoth she) how doth he doe? Faith (quoth the fellow) poore,
he hath meat and drinke enough, but wants cloathes and mony. Alas,
quoth she, I am sory for it, I pray thee stay a little; and, running
up into her Chamber, fetcht downe her husbands new sute of cloathes,
and five shillings in mony, and gave it to the fellow, saying, I
pray thee remember me to my poore _John_, and give him this sute of
clothes, and five shillings from me, and wrapt them up in a
Fardle,[F. 101] which the fellow took, and away he went. Presently her
husband came home, and found her very pleasant and merry, singing up
and downe the house, which she seldome used to doe, and he asked her
the cause, Oh, husband, quoth she, I have heard from my old _John_
to-day, he is in Paradise, and is very well, but wants clothes and
mony, but I have sent him thy best sute, and five shillings in mony.
Her husband seeing she was cozened, enquired of her which way the
fellow went that had them. Yonder way, quoth she: he presently took
his best horse, Hob, and rode after him for the clothes. The fellow
seeing one ride so fast after him, threw the clothes into a ditch,
and went softly forward; her husband overtaking the fellow, said,
Didst not see one go this way with a little fardle of clothes at
his back? Yes, quoth the fellow, he is newly gone into yonder little
Wood. Oh, hold my horse, quoth he, whilst I runne in and finde him
out. I will, quoth the fellow, who presently, as soon as he was gone
into the wood, took up his fardell, leapt on horseback, and away he
went: The Man returning for his horse, his horse was gone; then
going home to his wife, she asked him if he overtook the fellow. I,
sweet heart, quoth he, and I have lent him my best horse to ride on,
for it is a great long way to Paradise. Truly, husband, quoth she,
and I shall love thee the better so long as I live, for making so
much of my old _John_. Which caused much good laughter to all that
heard it.
[Footnote 101: A bundle.]
Tom vow'd to beat his boy against the wall, [5.]
And as he strucke, he forth-with caught a fall:
The boy deriding said, I doe averre,
Y'have done a thing, you cannot stand to, Sir.
[32.] What is that goeth about the wood and cannot get in?
_Solution._ It is the bark of a tree, for never is the bark within the
tree, but alwayes without.
The country-mans lamentation for the death of his _cow_.
A Country Swain, of little wit, one day,
Did kill his Cow, because she went astray:
What's that to I or You, she was his own,
But now the Ass for his Cow doth moan:
Most piteously methink he cries in vain,
For now his Cow's free from hunger and pain:
What ails the fool to make so great a stir,
She cannot come to him, he may to her.
To a pleasant Country Tune, called _Colly my Cow_.
[Illustration]
Little _Tom Dogget_ [66.]
what dost thou mean,
To kill thy poor Colly,
now she's so lean:
_Sing Oh poor Colly_,
_Colly my Cow_,
_For Colly will give me_
_no more milk now_.
Pruh high, pruh hoe,
Pruh high, pruh, hoe,
Pruh, Pruh, pruh, pruh, pruh, pruh, pruh,
Tal lal daw.
I had better have kept her,
till fatter she had been,
For now I confess,
she's a little too lean:
_Sing Oh &c_--
First in comes the Tanner,
with his Sword by his side,
And he bids me five Shillings,
for my Cow's Hide:
_Sing Oh &c_
Then in comes the Tallow Chandler,
whose brains were but shallow,
And he bids me two and Six-pence,
for my Cows Tallow:
_Sing Oh &c_
Then in comes the Huntsman
so early in the Morn,
He bid me a Penny
for my Cow's horn:
_Sing Oh &c_
Then in comes the Tripe-Woman
so fine and so neat,
She bid me three halfpence
for my Cow's feet;
_Sing Oh &c_--
Then in comes the Butcher
that nimble tongu'd Youth
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