Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 7
THE JOLLY WELSH WOMAN
Who drinking at the Sign of the _Crown_ in _London_, found a Spring
in her Mugg, for Joy of which hur Sung the praise of Old _England_
resolving never to return to _Wales_ again.
Tune of, _Hey brave_ Popery &c.
Licensed according to Order.
There was an Old woman came out of North Wales,
And up to fair London her merrily Sails,
It was for her pleasure Cuts-plutter-a-nails
_Sing O brave_ Welsh _Woman_, _Jolly brave_ Welsh _Woman_,
_Delicate_ Welsh _Woman_. _O._
As soon as hur came into fair _London_ town
Hur went to an Alehouse the sign of the Crown,
In order to tipple hur streight did sit down.
_Sing O brave_ &c.
Hur being a weary and willing to rest,
Hur would not be one of the worst of the guest,
But call'd for a Pitcher of Ale of the best.
_Sing O brave_ &c.
[Illustration]
The Tapster then giving the Jugg in her hand,
The _Welsh_ woman streight on hur feet she did stand,
And drank a good health to hur King of England.
_Sing O brave_ &c.
Now while she had gotten the jugg at her snout,
And being both lusty, courageous and stout,
Hur gave it a tug, till hur swigg'd it half out.
_Sing O brave_ &c.
The Tapster he see her to be of that strain,
And how she did tipple the Liquor amain,
Thought he, I will fill up thy pitcher again.
_Sing O brave_ &c.
The jugg hur had plac'd on the Bench by her side,
To which the young tapster did cunningly slide,
And fill'd it as if it had been a full tide.
_Sing O brave_ &c.
Now hur did not know how her pitcher did fill,
Therefore hur did say with a merry good will
Here's Tipple and drink, and her Pitcher full still.
_Sing O brave_ England &c.
The praise of this Nation Cuts-plut her will sing,
Hur never had known such a wonderful thing,
The juggs in this land has a delicate Spring.
_Sing O brave_ England &c.
Once more she saluted the lips of her Mugg,
And gave it a hearty and dextrous tugg,
The Tapster once more he did fill up her jugg.
_Sing O brave_ England &c.
The Liquor up into her Noddle did steel,
The Floor with her feet hur hardly could feel,
So that hur began for to stagger and reel.
_Sing O brave_ England &c.
Hur swore hur would never to _Wales_ any more,
For hur has tasted Rich liquor good store,
The like in all _Wales_ hur had neer drank before,
_Sing O brave_ England &c.
Hereafter hur never will honour the Leek,
This was the best Nation as e're hur did seek,
Here's liquor of life that will make a Cat speak.
_Sing O brave_ England &c.
In praise of this liquor, hur Cap up she flung,
For why, it Created an Eloquent Tongue,
Besides it will make an Old Woman look young,
_Sing O brave Nappy Ale, Delicate Nappy Ale,
Dainty fine Nappy Ale._
[1.] In the country dwelt a Gentlewoman who had a French man dwelling
with her and he did ever use to go to Church with her, and upon a time
he and his Mistresse were going to Church and she bad him pull the
doore after him and follow her to the Church, and so he took the doore
betweene his armes, and lifted it from the hooks, and followed his
Mistresse with it: But when she looked behinde her and saw him bring
the doore upon his back, Why, thou foolish knave, qd. she, what wilt
thou do with the door? Marry Mistresse, qd. he, you bad me pull the
doore after me. Why, qd. she, I did command thee that thou shouldest
make fast the doore after thee, and not bring it upon thy back after
me. But after this, there was much good sport and laughing at his
simplicity and foolishnesse therein.
_On a Watch lost in a Tavern._
A Watch lost in a Tavern? that's a Crime, [14.]
You know how men in drinking lose there time:
A Watch keeps time, and if time pass away,
There is small reason that the Watch should stay.
The key hung out, and you forgot to lock it,
Time scorns to be kept tame in any pocket.
Hereafter if you keep't, thus must you do,
Pocket your Watch, and watch your pockets too.
_Of a Precise Taylor._
A Taylor thought a man of upright dealing, [16.]
True, but for lying, honest but for stealing,
Did fall one day extreamly sicke by chance,
And on the sudden was in wondrous trance.
The Fiends of hell mustring in fearfull manner,
Of Sundry Coloured silkes displayed a Banner,
Which he had stolne, and wish't as they did tell
That one day he might finde it all in hell.
The man affrighted at this apparition
Upon recovery grew a great Precisian.
He bought a Bible of the new Translation,
And in his life he shew'd great reformation;
He walked mannerly, and talked meekely,
He heard three Lectures, and two Sermons weekely:
He vowed to shunne all companies unruly,
And in his speech he used none oath, but truly.
And zealously to keepe the Sabboths rest,
His meat for that day, on the e've was drest,
And least the custome that he had to steale,
Might cause him sometime to forget his zeale,
He gives his journeyman a speciall charge,
That if the stuffe allow'd fell out too large,
And that to filch his fingers were inclin'd,
He then should put the Banner in his minde.
This done, I scant can tell the rest for laughter,
A Captaine of a ship came three daies after,
And brought three yards of Velvet, and three Quarters
To make Venetians[F. 24] down below the garters.
He that precisely knew what was enuffe,
Soone slipt away three quarters of the stuffe.
His man espying it, said in derision,
Remember, Master, how you saw the vision.
Peace (knave) quoth he, I did not see one ragge
Of such a coloured silke in all the flagge.
[Footnote 24: Trunk hose.]
[8.] A Notorious Rogue being brought to the Bar, and knowing his case
to be desperate, instead of pleading, he took to himself the liberty
of jesting, and thus said, _I charge you in the Kings name to seise
and take away that man_ (meaning the Judge) _in the red Gown, for I go
in danger of my life because of him_.
_On a gentleman that married an heire privately at the Tower._
The angry Father hearing that his childe [5.]
Was stoln, married, and his hopes beguild;
('Cause his usurious nature had a thought
She might have bin to greater fortunes brought:)
With rigid looks, bent brows, and words austere,
Ask'd his forc'd son in law how he did dare
Thus beare his onely daughter to be married;
And by what Cannons he assumed such power?
He sayd, the best in England, sir, the Tower.
_Of_ Galla's _goodly Periwigge_.
You see the goodly hayre that _Galla_ weares, [16.]
'Tis certain her own hayr, who would have thought it?
She sweares it is her owne; and true she sweares,
For hard by Temple-barre last day she bought it.
So faire a haire, upon so foule a forehead,
Augments disgrace, and showes the grace is borrow'd.
[17.] Several Gentlemen were at dinner together, and one of them was a
Parson; among the Dishes one was a Pig, but 'twas very lean; Then they
concluded that it was only fit for the Parson, being a spiritual Pig,
for it had no flesh upon it.
_An Invitation to Lubberland._
with
An Account of the great Plenty
of that Fruitful Country.
There's all sorts of Fowl and Fish,
with Wine and store of Brandy,
Ye have there what your Hearts can wish,
the Hills are Sugar Candy.
The Tune of _Billy and Molly_ Or, The Journey-man Shoe maker
This may be printed R. P.[F. 25]
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