Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 8
There is a ship we understand [19.]
now riding in the river,
Tis newly come from _Lubberland_
the like I think was never;
You that a lazy life do love,
I'd have you now go over,
They say land is not above
two thousand leagues from Dover.
[Illustration: Hey for _Lubberland_]
The Captain and the Master too,
do's give us this relation,
And so do's all the whole ships crew,
concerning this strange nation.
The streets are pav'd with pudding-pies
nay powder'd[F. 26] beef and bacon,
They say they scorn to tell you lies,
who thinks it is mistaken.
The king of knaves and queen of sluts
reign there in peace and quiet;
You need not fear to starve your guts,
there is such store of diet:
There may you live free from all care,
like hogs set up a fatning,
The garments which the people wear
is silver, silk and sattin.
The lofty buildings of this place
for many years have lasted,
With nutmegs, pepper, cloves and mace,
the walls are roughly casted,
In curious hasty-pudding boil'd,
and most ingenious Carving.
Likewise they are with pancakes ty'd,
sure, here's no fear of starving.
The Captain says, in every Town
hot roasted pigs will meet ye,
They in the streets run up and down,
still crying out, _come eat me_:
Likewise he says, at every feast
the very fowls and fishes,
Nay, from the biggest to the least,
comes tumbling to the dishes.
The rivers run with claret fine,
the brooks with rich Canary,
The ponds with other sorts of wine,
to make your hearts full merry:
Nay, more than this, you may behold
the fountains flow with Brandy,
The rocks are like refined gold,
the hills are sugar candy.
Rosewater is the rain they have,
which comes in pleasant showers,
All places are adorned brave
with sweet and fragrant flowers:
Hot Custards grows on e'ery tree
each ditch affords rich jellies
Now, if you will be rul'd by me,
go there, and fill your bellies.
There's nothing there but holy-days,
with musick out of measure;
Who can forbear to speak the praise
of such a land of pleasure?
There you may lead a lazy life,
free from all kinds of labour,
And he that is without a wife,
may borrow of his neighbour.
There is no law, nor lawyers fees,
all men are free from fury,
For e'ery one do's what he please,
without a judge or jury:
The summer-time is warm they say,
the winter's ne'er the Colder,
They have no landlords rent to pay,
each man is a free-holder.
You that are free to cross the seas,
make no more disputation,
At _Lubberland_, you'll live at ease,
with pleasant recreation:
The captain waits but for a gale,
of prosperous wind and weather,
And that they soon will hoist up sail,
make hast away together.
Printed for _J. Deacon_,[F. 27] at the Angel in _Gilt Spur Street_.
[Footnote 25: Richard Pocock, who licensed from 1685 to 1688.]
[Footnote 26: Salt beef.]
[Footnote 27: Jonah Deacon published from 1684 to 1695.]
[4.] An ignorant Country Fellow coming along _Paternoster Row_, had
occasion to change a Half-Crown into small money, and looking over
a Grate which stood on the Stall, there sate a large Monkey, whom he
prayed to change his Money; the Monkey took it and put it into the
Till of the Compter, where he had observed to be put, and then came
and Grinn'd at the Man, who, being in a passion, made a noise at the
Door, whereat the man of the Shop, coming into the Shop, asked him
what was the matter? _Sir_, said he, _I gave your Son half a Crown
to change, and he will not give it me again, but laughs at me, and
will not give me one word of answer, tho I have asked him for it many
a time._
The old name of Robbing, [13.]
Is now call'd Padding,
For when the Padders have done,
Their Lodgings are ta'ne
At the Rope in Tyburn Lane
In the Parish of _Paddington_.
Epitaph
_On an usurer._
Here lies at least ten in the hundred, [14.]
Shackled up both hands and feet,
That at such as lent mony _gratis_ wondred,
The gain of usury was so sweet;
But thus being now of life bereav'n
'Tis a hundred to one he's scarce gone to heav'n.
[8.] In Chancery, one time, when the Councel of the parties set forth
the boundary of the Land in question, by the plot, and the Councel
of one part said, we lie on this side my Lord, and the Councel of the
other part said, we lie on this side. The Lord Chancellor _Hatton_
stood up and said, _If you lie on both sides, whom will you have me to
believe?_
_In praise of the Black Jack[F. 28]_
Be your liquor small, or as thick as mudd. [13.]
The Cheating bottle cryes, good, good, good,
Whereat the master begins to storme,
'Cause he said more than he could performe.
_And I wish that his heires may never want Sack,
That first devis'd the bonny black Jack._
No Tankerd, Flaggon, Bottle nor Jugg
Are half so good, or so well can hold Tugg,
For when they are broke or full of cracks,
Then they must fly to the brave black Jacks,
_And I wish &c._
When the Bottle and Jack stands together, O fie on't,
The Bottle looks just like a dwarfe to a Gyant;
Then had we not reason Jacks to chuse
For this'l make Boots, when the Bottle mends shoes.
_And I wish &c._
And as for the bottle you never can fill it
Without a Tunnell, but you must spill it,
'Tis as hard to get in, as it is to get out,
'Tis not so with a Jack, for it runs like a spout.
_And I wish &c._
And when we have drank out all our store,
The Jack goes for Barme to brew us some more;
And when our Stomacks with hunger have bled,
Then it marches for more to make us some bread.
_And I wish &c._
I now will cease to speak of the Jack,
But hope his assistance I never shall lack,
And I hope that now every honest man,
Instead of Jack will y'clip him John.
And I wish &c.
[Footnote 28: A bottle made of leather. Sometimes they were
ornamented with silver rims, and a silver plate with the
owner's coat of arms thereon; but generally they were very
rough.]
[18.] A melting Sermon being preached in a Country Church, all fell
a weeping, except a Country man, who being ask'd why he did not weep
with the rest? _Because_ (says he) _I am not of this Parish_.
[18.] A Country-man admiring the stately Fabrick of S. _Pauls_
Cathedral, asked _Whether it was made in_ England, _or brought from beyond Sea_.
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