Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 6

Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 6

Then after an hour,

They went to a bower,

And play'd for Ale and Cakes,

And kisses too

Untill they were due,

The Lasses kept the stakes.

The Girles did then begin

To quarrel with the men,

And bid 'em take their kisses back

And give 'em their own agen.

 

Yet there they sate

Until it was late

And tyr'd the Fidler quite,

With singing and playing

Without any paying,

From morning untill night.

They told the fidler then,

They'd pay him for his play,

And each a 2 pence, 2 pence, 2 pence,

Gave him and went away.

 

[Footnote 19: For tune see Appendix.]

 

[Footnote 20: Ay, ay.]

 

[Footnote 21: This tune certainly was known in Queen

Elizabeth's time, for it occurs in her Virginal book, and

Chappell says, "It probably took its name from Sir John

Packington, commonly called 'lusty Packington,' the same who

wagered that he would swim from the Bridge at Westminster,

_i.e._ Whitehall Stairs, to that at Greenwich for the sum of

£3000. 'But the good Queen, who had particular tenderness for

handsome fellows, would not permit Sir John to run the hazard

of the trial.'"]

 

[Footnote 22: Or St. Leger's round, was thought by Sir John

Hawkins to be the oldest country dance now extant, and is to

be found in Queen Elizabeth's Virginal book.]

 

 

[4.] A Minister finding his Parishioners to be Ignorant, was resolv'd

to Examine and Instruct them at home; so going to an Ancient Womans

House, amongst other Questions, he asked her how many Commandments

there were? She told him she could not tell: he told her there were

Ten: Whereat she replied, _A Jolly Company! God Bless you and them

both together._ Well, but, Neighbour, (says he) Do you think you can

keep these Commandments? _Ah! God bless you, Sir_, (said she) _I am a

poor Woman, and can hardly keep my self; I hope you will not put me to

the Charge of keeping any of the Commandments for you_.

 

 

_On Charismus._

 

Thou hast compos'd a book, which neither age [5.]

Nor future time shall hurt through all their rage,

For how can future times or age invade

That work, which perished as soone as made.

 

 

A man did surmise [12.]

That another mans eyes

Were both of a different frame;

For if they had been Matches,

Then, alas, poor wretches,

His Nose would a set 'em in a flame.

 

 

[8.] Master _Mason_ of _Trinity_ Colledge, sent his Pupil to another

of the Fellows to borrow a Book of him, who told him _I am loath to

lend my Books out of my Chamber, but if it please thy Tutor to come

and read upon it in my Chamber, he shall as long as he will_. It was

winter, and some daies after the same Fellow sent to Mr _Mason_ to

borrow his Bellows, but Master _Mason_ said to his Pupil, _I am loath

to lend my Bellows out of my Chamber, but if thy Tutor would come and

blow the Fire in my Chamber he shall as long as he will_.

 

 

_Of a drunken Smith._

 

I heard that _Smug_ the Smith for Ale and Spice, [6.]

Sold all his tooles, and yet he kept his Vice.

 

 

When Lynus meetes me, after Salutations, [6.]

Curtesies, complements, and gratulations,

He presseth me unto the third deniall,

To lend him twenty shillings or a ryall;[F. 23]

But, with his curt'sies, of his purpose fayling

He goes behind my backe cursing and railing.

Foole, thy kind speeches cost thee not a penny,

And more foole I, if they should cost me enny.

 

[Footnote 23: Value ten shillings.]

 

 

[4.] A Minister going to one of his Parishioners he asked her, who

made her? She reply'd, She did not know: A Child standing by, he

asked him the same Question, who Answered, God; whereupon the Parson

Reproving the Old Woman, told her it was a shame that she should be

so Ignorant, who had lived to those Years, and that little Child could

tell. _Marry_, quoth she, _I am an old Woman, and have been made a

great while, and he was made but t'other day, he may well tell who

made him_.

 

 

I went to the Tavern, and then, [13.]

I went to the Tavern, and then,

I had good store of Wine,

And my Cap full of coyne

And the world went well with me then, then,

And the world went well with me then.

 

I went to the Tavern agen

When I ran on the score

And was turn'd out o' th' door

And the world went ill with me then, then, &c.

 

When I was a Batchelor then,

I had a Saddle and a Horse,

And I took my own Course,

And the world went well with me then, then &c.

 

But when I was marry'd, O then

My Horse and my Saddle

Were turn'd to a Cradle,

And the world went ill with me then, then, &c.

 

When I brought her home mony, then

She never would pout,

But clip me about,

And the world went well with me then, then, &c.

 

But when I was drunk, O then,

She'd kick, she'd fling,

Till she made the house ring,

And the world went ill with me then, then &c.

 

So I turn'd her away, and then,

I got me a Miss

To Clip and to kiss,

And the world went ill with me then, then &c.

 

I took my wife home agen,

But I chang'd her note

For I cut her throat.

And the world went well with me then, then, &c.

 

But when it was known, O then,

In a two wheeld Charret

To _Tiburn_ I was carry'd,

And the world went ill with me then, then, &c.

 

But when I came there, O then,

They forc't me to swing

To heaven in a string.

And the world went well with me then, then &c.

 

 

[1.] There was a man in the Country, who had not been any far

Traveller, and dwelt far from any Church except a Church that was

seven or eight miles from his house, and there they never sung Mass

nor Even song, but did ever say it. And on a time he came to _London_,

having never been here before, & being in _London_ he went to _Pauls_

Church, & went into the Chappel, where they sung Mass with Organs, and

when he heard the melody of the Organs and the singing together, that

he never heard before, he thought he should have gone to Heaven by and

by, and looked, and said aloud that every one heard, O Lord, shall

I go to heaven presently? I would thou wouldest let me alone till

I might go home and fetch my white stick and black hood, and then I

would go gladly with thee. Where at all the people laughed heartily.

 

 

_Sorte tuâ contentus._

 

If adverse fortune bring to passe [5.]

And will that thou an asse must bee,

Then be an asse, and live an asse,

For out of question wise is hee

That undergoes with humble mind

The state that chance hath him assign'd.

 

 

A Fellow told his Friends. [12.]

That a Pudding had two ends;

But that's a lye, sayes another;

Do but think agen,

And you'l find it begin

At one end, and ends at t'other.

 

 

If that from Glove you take the letter G [14.]

Then glove is love, and that I send to thee.