Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 13

Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 13

[17.] A Gentleman ask'd a Shepherd, whether that River was to be

passed over or not: Yes, says he, but going to try, flounc'd over head

and ears. Why thou Rogue, says he, did you not tell me it might be

past over? Truly, Sir, says he, I thought so, _for my Geese go over

and back again every day_.

 

 

One did ask why B [12.]

Was set before C,

And did much desire to know;

Why, a man must be,

Before he can see,

And I think I have hit on't now.

 

 

_Against Swearing._

 

In elder times an ancient custome was [6.]

To sweare in weighty matters by the Masse.

But when the Masse went downe (as old men note)

They sware then by the Crosse of this same grote.[F. 42]

But when the Crosse was likewise held in scorne,

Then by their faith, the common oth was sworne.

Last, having sworne away all faith and troth,

Only God damn them is the common oth.

Thus custome kept decorum by gradation,

That losing Masse, Crosse, Faith, they find damnation.

 

[Footnote 42: Queen Elizabeth's groats were the last bearing a

cross on the reverse. James I. coined none.]

 

 

_One fighting with his wife._

 

_Meg_ and her husband _Tom_, not long agoe, [24.]

Were at it close, exchanging blow for blow.

Both being eager, both of a stout heart,

Endured many a bang ere they would part.

_Peter_ lookt on & would not stint the strife,

He's curst (quoth he) that parteth man and wife.

 

 

 

 

=The Welch Mans Inventory.=

 

Han Infentory of the Couds of _William Morgan_, ap_ Renald_, ap

_Hugh_, ap _Richard_, ap _Thomas_, ap _Evan_, ap _Rice_, in the County

of _Clamorgan_, Shentleman.

 

 

_Imprimis._ In the _Pantry of Poultry_ (for hur own eating)

One creat Pig four Week old, one Coose, one Cock Gelding, two

Black puddings, three Cow-foots.

 

_Item._ In the _Pantry of Plate_, one Grid-iron, one Fripan,

one Tripan, three Wooden Ladle, three Cann.

 

_Item._ In the _Napery_, two Towel, two Table Cloath, four

Napkin, one for hurself, one for hur Wife _Shone_, two for

Cusen _Shon_ ap _Powell_ and _Thomas_ ap _Hugh_, when was come

to hur House.

 

[Illustration: Hur Armory Hur Pantry Hur Cattle]

 

_Item._ In the _Wardrope_, one Irish Rugg, one Frize Sherkin,

one Sheepskin Tublet,[F. 43] Two Irish Stocking, two Shooe,

six leather Points.

 

_Item._ In the _Tary_,[F. 44] one Toasting Shees, three oaten

Cake, three Pint of Cow Milk, one pound of Cow Butter.

 

_Item_ in the _Kitchen_, one Pan with white Curd, two White

pot, two Red Herring, nine Sprat.

 

_Item._ In the _Cellar_, one Firkin of Wiggan, two Gallon

sower Sider, one Pint of Perry, one little Pottle of

_Carmarden_ Sack, _alias_ Metheglin.

 

_Item._ In the _Armory of Weapon_, to kill her Enemy, One Pack

Sword, two edge, two Welsh-hook, three long Club one Cunn, one

Mouse trap.

 

_Item._ In the _Carden_, One Ped Carlike, nine Onion, twelve

Leek, twelve Worm, twelve Frog.

 

_Item._ In the _Leas-way_. Two Tun Cow, one Mountain Calf.

 

_Item._ In the _Common-field_, Two Welch Nag, twelve long

leg'd Sheep, fourteen and twenty Coat.

 

_Item._ In the _Proom Close_, three Robin Run-hole, four Hare,

_hur own Coods if hur can catch hur_.

 

_Item._ In the _Parn_ one half Heblet of Oate, seven Pea, two

Pean.

 

_Item._ In the _Study_ (_py Cot hur was almost forgot hur_)

One Welch Pible, two Almanack, one _Erra Pater_,[F. 45] one

Seven Champions[F. 46] for St _Taffy_ sake, twelve

Pallat,[F. 47] one Pedigree.

 

_Item._ In the _Closet_ Two Straw hat, one louse.

 

_Item._ In the _Ped_. Two naked Pody, one Shirt, one Flannel

smock at hur Ped's head.

 

_Item._ More Cattle about the House. Two Tog, three Cat,

twelve Mouse (_pox on hur, was eat hur toot Cheese_) 1000

White Flea with black Pack.

 

_Item._ More Lumber about the _House_. One Wife, two Shild,

one call hur Plack _Shack_, and t'other little _Morgan_.

 

_Item._ In the _Yard_ under the Wall, one Wheel, two Pucket,

one Ladder, two Rope.

 

_This Inventory taken Note in the presence of hur own Cusen_ Rowland

Merideth _ap_ Howel _and_ Lowellin Morgan _ap_ William _in_ Anno

1849,[F. 48] _upon the Ten and Thirtieth of Shune_.

 

The above named _William Morgan_ dyed when hur had threescore and

twenty years, thirteen Months, one Week and Seven days.

 

 

_A NOTE of some LEGACY of a creat deal of Coods, bequeathed to hur

Wife and hur two Shild, and all hur Cusens, and Friends and Kindred in

the Manner as followeth._

 

_Imprimis._ Was give hur teer Wife, _Shone Morgan_, awl hur

Coods in the Ped, over the Ped, and under the Ped.

 

_Item._ Was give to hur eldest Son _Plack Shack_, 40 and

12 Card to play at Whipper Shinny 4 Try to sheat hur Cusen:

besides awl her Land to the fule value of 20 and 10 shillings

3 groats per Annum.

 

_Item._ Was give to hur second Son, Little _Morgan_ ap

_Morgan_, hur short ladder under the Wall in the Yard and two

Rope.[F. 49]

 

_Item._ Was give to hur Cusen _Rowland Merideth_ ap _Howell_

and _Lewellin Morgan_ whom was made her Executor, full power

to pay awl hur Tet, when hur can get Money.

 

Seal'd and deliver'd in the Presence of _Evan_ ap _Richard_, ap

_Shinkin_, ap _Shone_, hur own Cusen the Tay and Year above written.

 

Licens'd and Enter'd.

 

London. Printed by and for W. O.[F. 50] and sold by the Booksellers.

 

[Footnote 43: Doublet.]

 

[Footnote 44: Dairy.]

 

[Footnote 45: An astrological almanac.]

 

[Footnote 46: Chap-book of the "Seven Champions of

Christendom."]

 

[Footnote 47: Ballads.]

 

[Footnote 48: Probably antedated two centuries to make it more

comical.]

 

[Footnote 49: Is this legacy a gentle intimation to his son

that he may hang himself?]

 

[Footnote 50: Is this William Onley, who published from 1650

to 1702?]

 

 

_Upon one_ Day _that ran away, and laid the Key under Door_.

 

Here _Night_ and _Day_ conspire a cheating flight, [25.]

For _Day_ they say, is run away by _Night_.

The Day is past, why, Landlord! where's your rent,

Cou'd you not see the Day is almost spent.

Had you but Kept the Watch well, I suppose,

'Twas no hard thing to Know how the _Day_ goes?

_Day_ sold and pawn'd and put off what he might,

Though it were ne'er so dark, _Day_ would be light:

That he away with so much Rent should get,

Though _Day_ were light, 'twas no light matter yet.

You had one Day a Tenant, and wou'd fain

Your Eyes might one day see that Day again.

No, Landlord, No; you now may truly say,

And to your cost too, you have lost a Day,

By twy-light _Day_ is neither Day nor Night;

What then? 'twixt both, he's an _Hermaphrodite_.

Day is departed in a Mist, I fear,

For _Day_ is broke, yet does not Day appear:

His pale face now does Day in Owl light shrowd,

Truth is, at present _Day's_ under a Cloud.

If you wou'd meet with _Day_ you must be wiser,

And up betimes, for Day's an early riser.

Broad Day is early up, but you begin

To rouze, and then broad Day is shutting in.

From Sun to Sun are the set times of Pay,

But you should have been up by break of Day:

Yet if you had? you had got nothing by 't.

For _Day_ was Cunning and broke over Night.

_Day_ like a Candle is gone out, and where,

None knows, except to th' other Hemisphear.

You must go look the _Day_ with Candle light,

This _Day_ was sure begotten in the Night.

The Lanthorn-looker,[F. 51] if he now began,

Might find the _Day_, but scarce the honest Man.

Well, _Day_ farewel; be't spoke to thy small praise

There's little honesty found now a Day's.

In vain you do yourself this trouble give,

You'l never make an even day while you live;

And yet, who trusted him for any Summe,

Might have their mony, if the _Day_ were come.

And when will that be; when the Devil's blind;