Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 52

Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 52

John_

 

Women most Constant Men doth find,

not like the Sea, but like the Rocks,

They are evermore loving and kind,

not like the Wine and Weather Cocks

_But if &c_

 

 

_Thomas_

 

Women have hooks, and women have crooks,

so hath the Wine, so hath the Wine,

Which draws great Lawyers from their books

more than the Wine, more than the Wine.

_But if &c_

 

 

_John_

 

Women have beauty and fair looks,

So hath the Wine, so hath the Wine,

Far surpassing the Lawyers books

more than the Wine, more than the Wine.

_But if you'l believe me_

_i'le tell you true_

_What good Women are like unto_,

_Wine, Wine, Women and Wine_,

_thus may you compare them too_.

 

[Illustration]

 

 

_Thomas_

 

Women are Witches when they may

so is the Wine, so is the Wine,

Which causeth men from their Wives to stray,

so will the Wine, so will the Wine.

_But if you'l believe me_

_i'le tell you true_

_What light Women are like unto_.

_Wine, Wine, Women and Wine_,

_thus may you compare them too_.

 

 

_John_

 

Women are witty when they may,

so is not Wine, so is not Wine,

And causeth Men at home to stay,

so doth not Wine, so doth not Wine.

_But if &c_

 

 

_Thomas_

 

Women have arms for to imbrace,

more than the Wine, more than the Wine,

Which brings brave Gallants to disgrace,

so doth the Wine, so doth the Wine.

_But if &c_

 

 

_John_

 

Women most sweetly do imbrace

more than the Wine, more than the Wine,

And save their Husbands from disgrace,

so doth not Wine, so doth not Wine.

_But if &c_

 

 

_Thomas_

 

Women's tongues are like sharp swords,

so is the Wine, so is the Wine,

Which urgeth men to swear damn'd Oaths,

so doth the Wine, so doth the Wine.

_But if &c_

 

 

_John_

 

Women's tongues do speak sweet Words,

so doth not Wine, so doth not Wine;

They can persuade from damned Oaths,

so will not Wine, so will not Wine.

_But if &c_

 

 

_Thomas_

 

Women they do use to change,

so doth the Wine, so doth the Wine,

And often times abroad will range

when Sun doth shine, when Sun doth shine.

_But if &c_

 

 

_John_

 

Good Women they will never change,

so will the Wine, so will the Wine,

For profit they abroad will range,

Hail, Rain or Shine, Hail Rain or Shine.

_But if &c_

 

 

_Thomas_

 

Women they will fight and brawl,

fill'd with Wine, fill'd with Wine,

Their Husbands they will Cuckolds call,

inflam'd with Wine, inflam'd with Wine.

_But if &c_

 

 

_John_

 

Good Women they will comfort all,

like the best Wine, like the best Wine,

Whatever Sorrow doth befall,

so will good Wine, so will good Wine.

_But if you'l believe me_,

_i'le tell you true_,

_What good Women are like unto_,

_Wine, Wine, Women and Wine_,

_thus you may compare them to_.

 

Printed for J. Williamson,[F. 111] at the Sun and Bible in Cannon

Street near London Stone.

 

[Footnote 111: Published in 1665.]

 

 

[17.] A Welch man in heat of blood, challenged an Englishman at Sword

and Buckler; but the Englishman giving him a lusty blow on the leg

which vext him, he threw down his Weapon, swearing _Splut, was not her

Buckler broad enough, but her must hit her on the leg?_

 

 

[52.] A _Bulkin_[F. 112] well knowne in divers places for his

mad conceits, and his couzenage, upon a time came into Kent to

Sittingborne; and in divers Villages there-about set up bills that all

sorts of people, young and old, that would come to Sittingborne, on

such a day, they should find a man there, that would give a remedy for

all kinds of diseases; and also would tell them what would happen unto

any of them in five or Six yeares after: and he would desire but two

pence a piece of any of them. Whereupon came people of all sorts and

from all places: so that he gathered of the people that came to the

value of twenty pounds: and he had provided a Stage, and set it up,

and placed a chaire where he would sit: and so, they being all come

in, and every one set in order, he comes to the gate, and takes the

money from them that gathered it, and bids them looke that good

rule be kept, and so they did: also hee bid them by and by sound the

drumme, and then he would begin his Orations. He, when they were

gone, with all haste gets him to the backe-side, and there having his

Gelding, gets upon his backe, and away towards _Rochester_ rides

he, as fast as ever he could gallop. Now they, thinking he had beene

preparing of things in a readinesse, sounded the drumme. The Audience

looked still when he would come, and staying one, two, or three

houres, nay more, thought sure they were cozened. Whereupon one of the

Company seeing a paper in the chaire on the Stage, tooke it, wherein

was written.

 

_Now you have heard the sound of the drumme_

_You may all depart like fooles as you come_.

 

Whereupon the men falling to cursing and swearing, the women to

scolding, scratching, and biting, were fame to depart like fooles

indeed.

 

[Footnote 112: Or bulchin, is a little bull, or bull calf.]

 

 

A Man being cold [12.]

In's Boots, was so bold,

To stand near the fire for remedy;

You'l burn your Spurs, says _Jane_,

My Boots sure you mean;

No, Sir, they are burnt already.

 

 

[26.] A Scholar coming home from _Cambridge_ to his Father, his Father

askt him what he had learnt? Why Father, says he, I'll prove that

this Capon is better than the blessing of God. How Zon, says he, come,

let's hear it; Why thus, Father, says he, nothing you know is better