Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 54

Humour wit Satire of the Seventeenth Century 54

Well, thou hast laid up Riches store,

to serve thee when afflicted,

And yet doth carp and crave for more,

thou cans't not contradict it:

But let enough thy mind suffice

since Fortune frowns upon thee,

Now shew thyself discreet and wise,

or else what will come on thee?

 

Could I but safely get to _France_,

with all my Gold and Treasure,

Then would I briskly sing and dance,

and Riot beyond measure;

But I am crost in my design,

which greatly doth torment me,

And 'tis in vain for to repine,

what Plagues hath Heaven sent me.

 

Madam I fear it will grow worse,

with patience strive to bear it,

And since you must unstring your purse,

for it now be prepared:

Your debts in England must be paid

believe me what I tell ye,

And thereat be not dismaied,

but be advised by _Nelly_.

 

FINIS.

 

Printed for C. Dennisson[F. 121] at the Stationer's Arms, within

Aldgate.

 

[Footnote 119: Eleanor, or Nell, Gwynne.]

 

[Footnote 120: Louise de Querouaille, Duchess of Portsmouth,

a mistress of Charles II. from whom are descended the Dukes

of Richmond, died November 1734, aged 88. This ballad was

evidently written soon after the king's death in 1685.]

 

[Footnote 121: He published from 1685 to 1689.]

 

 

It will be seen by the foregoing supposed portraits of Nell Gwynne

and the Duchess of Portsmouth (which, by the way, do plenty of duty

in other ballads) that the _patching_ of this age among women was in

somewhat fantastic form, such a patch as a coach and four not being

unknown; but few know that the mercers (or linen-drapers, as we now

call them) patched themselves in order to show the effect to their

fair customers. The annexed example shows one who holds a lady's

vizard, or mask, for they did not then wear veils, which are quite a

modern invention, together with a feather-fan and some ribands, or,

as the frontispiece of the book records, divulging the secrets of the

toilet.

 

[Illustration: Here be your new Fashions Mistris.]

 

 

Here's black Bags, Ribons, Copper Laces, [74.]

Paintings, and beauty spots for faces?

Masques, and Fans you here may have

Taffity Gownes and Scarfes most brave

Curled haire, and crisped Locks.

Aprons white, and Holland Smocks:

All sort of powders here are sold

To please all People young and old.

Then come my Customers touch and try,

Behold and see, draw forth and buy.

 

Unfortunately this little penny book is generally too broad in its

humour to be reprinted; but one extract, which may be reproduced,

will suffice to show its quality:--"Come who buys my new Fashion'd

Periwigs, if there be any manner of Single man, Widdower, or Batchelor

that thinks his owne naturall Haire not good enough for him, here

is _Jack in a box_, that will fit him to a haire, with all sorts of

Periwigs, and all sorts of colours and fashions, both long Haire, or

short Haire, Flaxen haire, or yellow haire, black, blew, red, tawny,

browne, or Abraham[F. 122] Colour, thats halfe Nits, and half Lice; or

if any bauld pated fellow among you that have lost his hair off from

his head, I have a Periwig for him of goodly long Haire, that will

hang downe and cover all his shoulders, and that may serve to cover

all his knavery: or, if any younger Brothers that desires to have

their naturall Haire that growes upon their heads Dyed of another

Colour? here are all sorts of powders, of several colours and

Fashions, that will doe the trick gallantly."

 

[Footnote 122: Nares thinks that _Abram_-coloured hair is a

corruption for _auburn_, but it is just possible that, being a

patriarch, very gray or white hair is meant.]

 

 

_To one that desired me not to name him._

 

Be safe, nor feare thy selfe so good a fame, [70.]

That, any way, my booke should speake thy name:

For, if thou shame, ranck'd with my friends, to goe,

I am more asham'd to have thee thought my foe.

 

 

[4.] A Scholar meeting a Countreyman upon the Road rid up very briskly

to him; but the Countreyman, out of respect to him was turning off his

Horse to give him the Road, when the Scholar, laying his Hand upon his

Sword, said, _'Tis well you gave me the Way, or I'd----_ _What wou'd

you have done?_ said the Countreyman, holding up his Club at him----

_Given it to you, Sir_, says he, pulling off his Hat to him.

 

 

[17.] One wondred there was so many Pick pockets about _London_,

seeing there's a Watch at every corner: _Pah_, says another, _they'd

as willingly meet with a watch as any thing else_.

 

 

_More dew_ the Mercer, with a kinde salute, [5.]

Would needs intreate my custome for a suit:

Here Sir, quoth he, for Sattins, Velvets call,

What e're you please, I'le take your word for all.

I thank'd, took, gave my word; say then,

Am I at all indebted to this man?

 

 

[61.] A mad young Gallant, having rid as he feared, out of his way,

overtook a blunt Country fellow, and asked him, which was the way to

_Salesbury_? The Country man, intending not only to set him right: but

withall to know whether or no he had committed any error in his way

thither, asked him as the manner is, from whence he came, to which the

surly Gallant answered, _Why what is that to you, from whence I came?_

_You say true Master,_ quoth the Bumkin, _It is nothing to me from

whence you come, nor whether you goe._ So he walkt away with his hands

coupled behind him, and left the gentle fool to study out his way to

_Salesbury_.

 

 

To review, or even to largely quote from the dramatists of the

seventeenth century is not within the scope of this work, but I cannot

refrain (because they are so scarce) from giving a sample of one of

the "Drolls," as they were called--short plays performed in booths

at the fairs, and very often abbreviated versions of the legitimate

drama, as "Bottom the Weaver," from _A Midsummer's Night's Dream_;

"The Humours of the Gravemakers," from _Hamlet_. In fact, as the

preface to the book [75.], whence the accompanying Droll is taken,

states, "The most part of these Pieces were written by such Penmen as

were known to be the ablest Artists that ever this Nation produced, by

Name, _Shake-spear_, _Fletcher_, _Johnson_, _Shirley_, and others; and

these Collections are the very Souls of their writings, if the witty

part thereof may be so termed: And the other small Pieces composed

by several other Authors, are such as have been of great fame in this

last Age, when the publique Theatres were shut up, and the Actors

forbidden to present us with any of their Tragedies, because we had

enough of that in earnest, and Comedies, because the Vices of the Age

were too lively and smartly represented; then all that we could divert

our selves with, were these humours and pieces of Plays, which

passing under the Name of a merry Conceited Fellow, called _Bottom the

Weaver_, _Simpleton the Smith_, _John Swabber_, or some such Title,

were only allowed us, and that by stealth too, and under pretence of

Rope-dancing, or the like; and these being all that was permitted us,

great was the confluence of the Auditors; and these small things were

as profitable, and as great get-pennies to the Actors[F. 123] as any

of our late famed Plays. I have seen the _Red Bull_[F. 124] Playhouse,

which was a large one, so full that as many went back for want of room

as had entred; and as meanly as you may now think of these Drols, they

were then acted by the best Comedians then and now in being; and I

may say, by some that then exceeded all now Living; by Name, the

incomparable _Robert Cox_ who was not only the principal Actor, but

also the Contriver and Author of most of these Farces. How have I

heard him cryed up for his _John Swabber_, and _Simpleton the Smith?_

In which he being to appear with a large piece of Bread and Butter, I

have frequently known several of the Female Spectators and Auditors to

long for some of it: and once that well known Natural, _Jack Adams_

of _Clarkenwel_, seeing him with Bread and Butter on the Stage, and

knowing him, cryed out, Cuz, Cuz, give me some, give me some; to

the great pleasure of the Audience. And so Naturally did he Act the

Smith's part, that being at a Fair in a Countrey Town, and that

Farce being presented, the only Master Smith of the Town came to him,

saying, well, although your Father speaks so ill of you, yet when

the Fair is done, if you will come and work with me, I will give you

twelve pence a week more than I give any other Journey-Man. Thus was

he taken for a Smith bred, that was indeed as much of any Trade.

 

... Thus were these Compositions liked and approved by all, and they

were the fittest for the Actors to represent, there being little Cost

in Cloaths, which often were in great danger to be seized by the then

Souldiers, who, as the Poet sayes, _Enter the Red Coat, Exit Hat and

Cloak_, was very true, not only in the Audience, but the Actors too,

were commonly, not only strip'd, but many times imprisoned, till they