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Petersburg,
23rd November
I
am again living with my wife. My mother-in-law came to me in tears
and
said
that Helene was here and that she implored me to hear her; that
she
was
innocent and unhappy at my desertion, and much more. I knew that
if
I
once let myself see her I should not have strength to go on
refusing
what
she wanted. In my perplexity I did not know whose aid and advice
to
seek.
Had my benefactor been here he would have told me what to do. I
went
to my room and reread Joseph Alexeevich's letters and recalled my
conversations
with him, and deduced from it all that I ought not to
refuse
a supplicant, and ought to reach a helping hand to everyone--
especially
to one so closely bound to me--and that I must bear my cross.
But
if I forgive her for the sake of doing right, then let union with
her
have only a spiritual aim. That is what I decided, and what I
wrote
to
Joseph Alexeevich. I told my wife that I begged her to forget the
past,
to forgive me whatever wrong I may have done her, and that I had
nothing
to forgive. It gave me joy to tell her this. She need not know
how
hard it was for me to see her again. I have settled on the upper
floor
of this big house and am experiencing a happy feeling of
regeneration.
CHAPTER
IX
At
that time, as always happens, the highest society that met at
court
and
at the grand balls was divided into several circles, each with
its
own
particular tone. The largest of these was the French circle of
the
Napoleonic
alliance, the circle of Count Rumyantsev and Caulaincourt. In
this
group Helene, as soon as she had settled in Petersburg with her
husband,
took a very prominent place. She was visited by the members of
the
French embassy and by many belonging to that circle and noted for
their
intellect and polished manners.
Helene
had been at Erfurt during the famous meeting of the Emperors and
had
brought from there these connections with the Napoleonic
notabilities.
At Erfurt her success had been brilliant. Napoleon himself
had
noticed her in the theater and said of her: "C'est un superbe
animal."
* Her success as a beautiful and elegant woman did not surprise
Pierre,
for she had become even handsomer than before. What did surprise
him
was that during these last two years his wife had succeeded in
gaining
the reputation "d' une femme charmante, aussi spirituelle que
belle."
*(2) The distinguished Prince de Ligne wrote her eight-page
letters.
Bilibin saved up his epigrams to produce them in Countess
Bezukhova's
presence. To be received in the Countess Bezukhova's salon
was
regarded as a diploma of intellect. Young men read books before
attending
Helene's evenings, to have something to say in her salon, and
secretaries
of the embassy, and even ambassadors, confided diplomatic
secrets
to her, so that in a way Helene was a power. Pierre, who knew
she
was very stupid, sometimes attended, with a strange feeling of
perplexity
and fear, her evenings and dinner parties, where politics,
poetry,
and philosophy were discussed. At these parties his feelings
were
like those of a conjuror who always expects his trick to be found
out
at any moment. But whether because stupidity was just what was
needed
to run such a salon, or because those who were deceived found
pleasure
in the deception, at any rate it remained unexposed and Helene
Bezukhova's
reputation as a lovely and clever woman became so firmly
established
that she could say the emptiest and stupidest things and
everybody
would go into raptures over every word of hers and look for a
profound
meaning in it of which she herself had no conception.
*
"That's a superb animal."
*
(2) "Of a charming woman, as witty as she is lovely."
Pierre
was just the husband needed for a brilliant society woman. He was
that
absent-minded crank, a grand seigneur husband who was in no one's
way,
and far from spoiling the high tone and general impression of the
drawing
room, he served, by the contrast he presented to her, as an
advantageous
background to his elegant and tactful wife. Pierre during
the
last two years, as a result of his continual absorption in
abstract
interests
and his sincere contempt for all else, had acquired in his
wife's
circle, which did not interest him, that air of unconcern,
indifference,
and benevolence toward all, which cannot be acquired
artificially
and therefore inspires involuntary respect. He entered his
wife's
drawing room as one enters a theater, was acquainted with
everybody,
equally pleased to see everyone, and equally indifferent to
them
all. Sometimes he joined in a conversation which interested him
and,
regardless of whether any "gentlemen of the embassy" were present
or
not, lispingly expressed his views, which were sometimes not at
all
in
accord with the accepted tone of the moment. But the general
opinion
concerning
the queer husband of "the most distinguished woman in
Petersburg"
was so well established that no one took his freaks
seriously.
Among
the many young men who frequented her house every day, Boris
Drubetskoy,
who had already achieved great success in the service, was
the
most intimate friend of the Bezukhov household since Helene's
return
from
Erfurt. Helene spoke of him as "mon page" and treated him like a
child.
Her smile for him was the same as for everybody, but sometimes
that
smile made Pierre uncomfortable. Toward him Boris behaved with a
particularly
dignified and sad deference. This shade of deference also
disturbed
Pierre. He had suffered so painfully three years before from
the
mortification to which his wife had subjected him that he now
protected
himself from the danger of its repetition, first by not being
a
husband to his wife, and secondly by not allowing himself to
suspect.
"No,
now that she has become a bluestocking she has finally renounced
her
former infatuations," he told himself. "There has never been an
instance
of a bluestocking being carried away by affairs of the heart"--
a
statement which, though gathered from an unknown source, he
believed
implicitly.
Yet strange to say Boris' presence in his wife's drawing
room
(and he was almost always there) had a physical effect upon
Pierre;
it
constricted his limbs and destroyed the unconsciousness and
freedom
of
his movements.
"What
a strange antipathy," thought Pierre, "yet I used to like him
very
much."
In
the eyes of the world Pierre was a great gentleman, the rather
blind
and
absurd husband of a distinguished wife, a clever crank who did
nothing
but harmed nobody and was a first-rate, good-natured fellow. But
a
complex and difficult process of internal development was taking
place
all
this time in Pierre's soul, revealing much to him and causing him
many
spiritual doubts and joys.
CHAPTER
X
Pierre
went on with his diary, and this is what he wrote in it during
that
time:
24th
November
Got
up at eight, read the Scriptures, then went to my duties. (By
Joseph
Alexeevich's
advice Pierre had entered the service of the state and
served
on one of the committees.) Returned home for dinner and dined
alone--the
countess had many visitors I do not like. I ate and drank
moderately
and after dinner copied out some passages for the Brothers.
In
the evening I went down to the countess and told a funny story
about
B.,
and only remembered that I ought not to have done so when
everybody
laughed
loudly at it.
I
am going to bed with a happy and tranquil mind. Great God, help me
to
walk
in Thy paths, (1) to conquer anger by calmness and deliberation,
(2)
to vanquish lust by self-restraint and repulsion, (3) to withdraw
from
worldliness, but not avoid (a) the service of the state, (b)
family
duties,
(c) relations with my friends, and the management of my affairs.
27th
November
I
got up late. On waking I lay long in bed yielding to sloth. O
God,
help
and strengthen me that I may walk in Thy ways! Read the
Scriptures,
but
without proper feeling. Brother Urusov came and we talked about
worldly
vanities. He told me of the Emperor's new projects. I began to
criticize
them, but remembered my rules and my benefactor's words--that
a
true Freemason should be a zealous worker for the state when his
aid
is
required and a quiet onlooker when not called on to assist. My
tongue
is
my enemy. Brothers G. V. and O. visited me and we had a
preliminary
talk
about the reception of a new Brother. They laid on me the duty of
Rhetor.
I feel myself weak and unworthy. Then our talk turned to the
interpretation
of the seven pillars and steps of the Temple, the seven
sciences,
the seven virtues, the seven vices, and the seven gifts of the
Holy
Spirit. Brother O. was very eloquent. In the evening the
admission
took
place. The new decoration of the Premises contributed much to the
magnificence
of the spectacle. It was Boris Drubetskoy who was admitted.
I
nominated him and was the Rhetor. A strange feeling agitated me
all
the
time I was alone with him in the dark chamber. I caught myself
harboring
a feeling of hatred toward him which I vainly tried to
overcome.
That is why I should really like to save him from evil and
lead
him into the path of truth, but evil thoughts of him did not
leave
me.
It seemed to me that his object in entering the Brotherhood was
merely
to be intimate and in favor with members of our lodge. Apart from
the
fact that he had asked me several times whether N. and S. were
members
of our lodge (a question to which I could not reply) and that
according
to my observation he is incapable of feeling respect for our
holy
order and is too preoccupied and satisfied with the outer man to
desire
spiritual improvement, I had no cause to doubt him, but he seemed
to
me insincere, and all the time I stood alone with him in the dark
temple
it seemed to me that he was smiling contemptuously at my words,
and
I wished really to stab his bare breast with the sword I held to
it.
I
could not be eloquent, nor could I frankly mention my doubts to
the
Brothers
and to the Grand Master. Great Architect of Nature, help me to
find
the true path out of the labyrinth of lies!
After
this, three pages were left blank in the diary, and then the
following
was written:
I
have had a long and instructive talk alone with Brother V., who
advised
me to hold fast by Brother A. Though I am unworthy, much was
revealed
to me. Adonai is the name of the creator of the world. Elohim
is
the name of the ruler of all. The third name is the name
unutterable
which
means the All. Talks with Brother V. strengthen, refresh, and
support
me in the path of virtue. In his presence doubt has no place.
The
distinction between the poor teachings of mundane science and our
sacred
all-embracing teaching is clear to me. Human sciences dissect
everything
to comprehend it, and kill everything to examine it. In the
holy
science of our order all is one, all is known in its entirety and
life.
The Trinity--the three elements of matter--are sulphur, mercury,
and
salt. Sulphur is of an oily and fiery nature; in combination with
salt
by its fiery nature it arouses a desire in the latter by means of
which
it attracts mercury, seizes it, holds it, and in combination
produces
other bodies. Mercury is a fluid, volatile, spiritual essence.
Christ,
the Holy Spirit, Him!...
3rd
December
Awoke
late, read the Scriptures but was apathetic. Afterwards went and
paced
up and down the large hall. I wished to meditate, but instead my
imagination
pictured an occurrence of four years ago, when Dolokhov,
meeting
me in Moscow after our duel, said he hoped I was enjoying
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