Golden Dreams and Leaden Realities 45

Golden Dreams and Leaden Realities 45

The clerk of whom we bought our tickets was a remarkably handsome

man, and when he assured us with an air of sincerity an angel might

have envied, that the steerage passengers would have the same fare

as that provided for the cabin, though in a little different shape,

I was simple enough to believe that it was at least one-half true.

This was the more inexcusable, as I had already been once deceived in

a similar manner, and had had the lesson, one would suppose, pretty

effectually ground into my stomach during our never-to-be-forgotten

voyage in the Leucothea. But as some one, I think it is the amiable

Pecksniff, feelingly observes, it is my nature to be deceived, and a

hundred voyages would probably have had no more effect. However, when

the handsome clerk had received our money, and had turned us over to

the tender mercies of a captain who knew nothing, and a parcel of

blacks who cared nothing what the steerage had to eat, we found that

the agent, who was probably a pleasant fellow, or a philosopher, had,

to say the least, indulged in a figure of speech when he made use of

the __EXPRESSION__ quoted above.

 

Chemically and philosophically he was undoubtedly correct, and a

chemist or a philosopher might have understood him; but a common

man, or any one taking his words in their every day meaning, would

have been wofully deceived. The cabin fare took the shape of roast

beef, and pork, and chickens--of pies and puddings--of soft tack and

butter--of nuts and fruit. By the time it reached the steerage, the

fresh had become salt--the soft tack had grown hard as the heart of

its owners--the puddings had degenerated into boiled rice, sometimes

raw, sometimes burnt, often both at once--while the pies and other

articles of the dessert were not there at all, either in their own

shape or any other.

 

There was another sense however in which the agent, who I never will

believe wilfully intended to deceive us, might have expected his

promise to be interpreted. All these various luxuries were prepared

in a single galley half sunk below the level of the deck and covered

by a grating and an open skylight. Around this grating the steerage

passengers were permitted to assemble, and snuff up as much of the

fragrant odours as mixed with other and less inviting exhalations,

found their way into the upper air. Sometimes, if one waited long

enough and humbled himself sufficiently, one of the black cooks would

extend to him graciously the royal favour, and bestow upon him a

pickle or a bit of bread, or even leave to him the superfluity of his

own repast. In addition to this inestimable privilege we dwellers in

the middle of the ship, half way between the aristocracy of the cabin

and the democracy of the forecastle, were allowed to feast our eyes

on the savoury messes carried past our quarters in tin pans of vast

circumference, and even to look on at a respectful distance while the

different watches ate and drank with the most sublime indifference.

The scene constantly reminded me of a huge mastiff gnawing a bone,

while a troop of curs and puppies walk about him, wistfully eyeing the

fragments as they disappear one after another in his capacious jaws,

and after he has finished carefully lick up every particle too small

for his magnanimous appetite.

 

But it would be necessary to descend still lower in the scale of

creation to find a fit illustration of the manner in which our meals

were conducted. Two narrow tables were suspended from the ceiling in

the upper cabin, capable of seating about seventy persons. As there

were nearly three hundred passengers, of course only one-fourth could

be accommodated at once, and the tables had to be set four times in

succession; so that each meal commonly occupied several hours. Out of

these three hundred at least two hundred and fifty were possessed with

an insane desire to sit down at the first table; either because they

fancied there would be a greater abundance, or from that abhorrence of

being last, which has come to be considered an American characteristic.

 

Long before the usual hour, a little knot of the more hungry, or

more determined sort, had collected round the hatch opening into the

steerage. At the same time various symptoms began to show that all

were in expectation of some important event. The readers shut up their

books and put them into their pockets--the card players swept up their

cards from the deck--the talkers stopped talking and pricked up their

ears--every thing foretold the impending dinner. The crowd around the

hatchway has grown larger and denser, and only waits the steward's

signal to precipitate itself almost bodily into the steerage below.

Those in the centre sit with their legs dangling down the hatch, and

from this elevated position eye the sluggish movements of the waiters

with ravenous impatience.

 

"What they got for dinner?" cries some unfortunate on the skirts of

the throng vainly striving to look over the shoulders of the circle.

 

"Roast turkey and plum pudding," answer half a dozen voices, "don't

you wish you could get some?" and this well-worn jest never fails to

be received with shouts of laughter. At last all the preparations

are completed--the step ladder is reared against the deck, and in

an instant eighty hungry bipeds drop, like apples from a tree when

violently shaken, down into the steerage. But at the same moment a

second party, who have lain all the while perdu in their berths,

suddenly emerge from their hiding-places and appropriate without

ceremony all the seats on one side of the tables, and half of the

eighty are obliged to return grumbling and swearing to the deck.

 

And now begins a scene of confusion such as fortunately is witnessed

nowhere except at sea. Half-a-dozen hands are at once stretched out

for the salt beef, but the dish is of tin and will bear hard pulling.

The one who prevails in the contest cuts off the choicest bit for

himself, and pushes the dish to his next neighbour. "Hand along them

pertaters"--"pass up that bread"--"here waiter! steward! the soup

is all gone"--"can't help it; it's all there is"--"give me a mug, I

say"--"what the d---- do you call this?"--"I haven't had a potato

these three days"--"faugh! the rice's burnt again"--"that feller's got

'em all"--"let me out o' this, I say"--such are the cries that, larded

with a plentiful sprinkling of oaths, go to make up the conversation

at this elegant repast.

 

But luckily it is of no long duration; in fifteen or twenty minutes

the last straggler has disappeared up the hatch, and the tables are

put in order for the second division. The excitement is now even

greater than before, and the same scenes as those last described are

repeated in a still more aggravated form on each successive occasion.

The last comers were sometimes too impatient to wait till the dishes

could be washed, and filled up the benches as fast as they were

vacated by their predecessors. Thus the same plate might be kept in

constant service, and the successive strata of beef and mustard, rice

and molasses, that had accumulated on its surface, would afford a very

accurate index of the number of times it had been employed.

 

To obviate as far as possible the evils arising from this state of

confusion, the passengers voluntarily divided into four sections, and

determined by lot the order of precedence. This order was to continue

until we reached Acapulco, when it was to be reversed, the first

division becoming last, and the last first. This arrangement, however,

was never carried into effect, inasmuch as the first and second

divisions suddenly discovered that it would not be for their advantage

to fulfil the contract; and accordingly all things returned to their

original chaos.

 

In hopes of obtaining a little improvement in our bill of fare we also

agreed to have but two meals a day, but this hope proving utterly

fallacious, this measure became extremely unpopular, and it was

impossible to find a single passenger who would allow that he had

voted in its favour. After various remonstrances made to the captain

and other officers by different individuals, a mass meeting was held

and a committee of three appointed to state our grievances to the

captain and solicit his interference. The great man received them

graciously, and promised after dinner to visit the steerage in person.

Accordingly about the middle of the afternoon he was seen advancing

towards our quarters. Attended by an eager crowd of followers he

descended the ladder, and looked curiously round on the novel and

interesting spectacle. A plate was presented to him containing a

portion of hot water with a little grease floating on the surface,

and dignified by the name of soup. With the flavour of roast chicken

and plum pudding yet lingering about his palate it was hardly to be

expected that he should find such a compound much to his liking; but

it was no slight proof of condescension even to taste it at all, and

manifested a freedom from vulgar prejudice and a willingness to be

convinced worthy of the highest praise.

 

As many of the passengers as could find standing room had followed

the captain down the ladder, and now stood peeping over each other's

shoulders and watching his movements in respectful silence. The rest

gathered round the hatch on deck, and as they could not see what was

going on one of their number would from time to time inquire of those

below, and then repeat the answer for the benefit of his companions.

 

"What's the cap'n doing?" says the telegraph on deck.

 

"He's lookin' round," returns the other in a loud whisper.

 

"An' what's he doing now?"

 

"He's tastin' the soup."

 

"An' what does he say?"

 

"He says it's first rate;" and at this a low murmur of disapprobation

runs through the crowd. "Hang his old pictur! I wish he had to eat

it," cries one, shrugging his shoulders.

 

"It's just what I expected," mutters another who looks as if he had a

fancy to play the part of Catiline. "I tell you nothing'll ever do any

good till we take the law into our own hands."

 

All those within hearing of these daring words instantly turn their

eyes towards the speaker, some with sympathetic admiration, others

to take his measure and see if his bearing corresponds with his

utterance; while he, conscious of the scrutiny, straightens himself

up and stares disdainfully into vacancy. Half-a-dozen of the same

kidney then work their way up to him, and they all begin in a low

tone to discuss the reasons why they should deprive the captain of

his command, and, if he resisted, put him in irons or even tow him

overboard for a mile or two. All seem greatly pleased with this last

suggestion, for the idea of a steamboat captain bobbing up and down

at the end of a long rope, and bubbling out his cries for help, and

promises of amendment is, it must be confessed, very facetious and

amusing. These arch conspirators thus mutually inflamed their noble

rage, and proved so conclusively that they ought to take command of

the ship, and the ease with which it could be done, that I never

exactly understood why they didn't do it.

 

Captain W. having finished his inspection again mounted the ladder,

and unconscious of the dangers by which he was surrounded walked

calmly through the crowd that opened to give a passage. I expected at

every step to see rude hands laid on his collar, and a revolver at

each ear; but at this unlucky moment every one seemed seized with a

sudden attack of modesty that disposed him to remain in the background

and yield the post of honour to others. If it had not been for this

unfortunate coincidence I have no doubt I should have been gratified

by witnessing the entertaining spectacle suggested above; for the

captain, having stopped but a moment at the galley to give some orders

to the cooks, had no sooner passed the mainmast than his enemies all

at once regained their usual confidence, and shook their fists at him behind his back with most alarming ferocity.