CHAPTER XXVII
Raisky found himself between two fires. On the one hand, Tatiana
Markovna looked at him as much as to say that he probably knew what was
the matter with Vera, while Vera's despairing glance betrayed her
anxiety for the moment of her confession. He himself would have liked to
have sunk into the earth. Tushin looked in an extraordinary manner at
Vera, as both Tatiana Markovna and Raisky, but most of all Vera herself,
noticed. She was terrified, and asked herself whether he had heard any
rumour. He esteemed her so highly, thought her the noblest woman in the
world, and, if she were silent, she would be accepting his esteem on
false premisses. He, too, would have to be told, she thought. She
exchanged greetings with him without meeting his eyes; and he looked
strangely at her, timidly and sympathetically. Vera told herself that
she must know what was in his mind, that if he looked at her again like
that she would collapse. He did look at her again, and she could endure
no more and left the company. Before she went she signed secretly to
Tushin to follow her.
"I cannot receive you in the old house," she said, "Come into the
avenue."
"Is it not too damp, as you are not well?"
"That does not matter," she said.
He looked at his watch and said that he would be going in an hour. After
giving orders to have his horses taken out of the stable and brought
into the yard, he picked up his silver-handled whip and with his cloak
on his arm followed Vera into the avenue. "I will not beat about the
bush," he said. "What is the matter with you to-day? You have something
on your mind."
She wrapped her face in her mantilla as she spoke, and her shoulders
shivered as if with cold. She dare not raise her eyes to him as he
strode silently beside her.
"But you are ill, Vera Vassilievna. I had better talk to you another
time. You were not wrong in thinking I had something to say to you."
"No, Ivan Ivanovich, let it be to-day. I want to know what you have to
say to me. I myself wanted to talk to you, but perhaps it is too late
for what I have to say. Do you speak," she said, wondering painfully how
and where he could have learnt her secret.
"I came here to-day...." he said as they sat down on the bench.
"What have you to say to me? Speak!" she interrupted.
"How can I say it to you now, Vera Vassilievna?" said Tushin springing
to his feet.
"Do not make me suffer," she murmured.
"I love you...."
"Yes, I know it," she interrupted. "But what have you heard?"
"I have heard nothing," he said, looking round in amazement. He was now
for the first time aware of her agitation, and his heart stood still
with delight. She has guessed my secret and shares my feelings, he
thought, and what she is asking, is for a frank, brief avowal. "You are
so noble, so beautiful, Vera Vassilievna, so pure...." An exclamation
was wrung from her, and she would have risen, but could not.
"You mock me, you mock me," she said, raising her hands beseechingly.
"You are ill, Vera Vassilievna," he said, looking at her in terror.
"Forgive me for having spoken to you at such a time."
"A day earlier or later makes no difference. Say what you have to say,
for I also desire to tell you why I have brought you here."
"Is it really true?" he cried, hardly knowing how to contain his delight.
"What is true? You want to say something else, not what I expected," she
said. "Speak, and do not prolong my sufferings."
"I love you," he repeated. "If you can grant what I have confessed to
you (and I am not worthy of it), if your love is not given elsewhere,
then be my forest queen, my wife, and there will be no happier man on
earth than I. That is what I have long wished to say to you and have not
dared. I should have done it on your nameday but I could no longer
endure the suspense, and have come to-day, on the family festival, on
your sister's birthday."
"Ivan Ivanovich," she moaned. The thought flashed through his head like
lightning that this was no expression of joy, and he felt his hair was
beginning to stand on end. He sat down beside her and said, "What is
wrong with you, Vera Vassilievna? You are either ill, or are bearing a
great sorrow."
"Yes, Ivan Ivanovich! I feel that I shall die."
"What is your trouble? For God's sake, tell me. You said that you had
something to confide in me, which means that I must be necessary to you;
there is nothing I would not do for you. You have only to command me.
Forgive me my too hasty speech."
"You, too, my poor Ivan Ivanovich! I can find neither prayers nor tears,
nor is there any guidance or help for me anywhere."
"What words of despair are these, Vera Vassilievna?"
"Do you know _whom_ you love?"
He threw his cloak on the bench, and wiped the sweat from his brow. Her
words told him that his hopes were ruined, that her love was given
elsewhere. He drew a deep breath, and sat motionless, awaiting her
further explanations.
"My poor friend," she said, taking his hand. The simple words filled him
with new sorrow; he knew that he was in fact to be pitied.
"Thank you," he whispered. "Forgive me ... I did not know, Vera
Vassilievna ... I am a fool.... Please forget my declaration. But I
should like to help you, since you say yourself you rely on me for a
service. I thank you for holding me worthy of that. You stand so high
above me; I always feel that you stand so high, Vera Vassilievna."
"My poor Ivan Ivanovich, I have fallen from those heights, and no human
power can reinstate me," she said, as she led him to the edge of the
precipice.
"Do you know this place?" she asked.
"Yes, a suicide is buried there."
"There, in the depths below the precipice, your 'pure' Vera also lies
buried," she said with the decision of despair.
"What are you saying? I don't understand. Enlighten me, Vera
Vassilievna."
Summoning all her strength she bent her head and whispered a few words
to him, then returned, and sank down on the bench. Tushin turned pale,
swayed, lost his balance, and sat down beside her. Even in the dim light
Vera noticed his pallor.
"And I thought," he said, with a strange smile, as if he were ashamed of
his weakness, rising to his feet with difficulty, "that only a bear was
strong enough to knock me over." Then he stooped to her and whispered,
"Who?"
The question sent a shudder through her, but she answered quickly:
"Mark Volokov."
His face twitched ominously. Then he pressed his whip over his knee so
that it split in pieces, which he hurled away from him.
"So it will end with him too," he shouted. As he stood trembling before
her, stooping forward, with wild eyes, he was like an animal ready to
spring on the enemy. "Is he there now?" he cried, pointing with a
violent gesture in the direction of the precipice.
She looked at him as if he were a dangerous animal, as he stood there,
breathing heavily; then she rose and took refuge behind the bench.
"I am afraid, Ivan Ivanovich! Spare me! Go!" she exclaimed, warding him
off with her arms.
"First I will kill him, and then I will go."
"Are you going to do this for my sake, for my peace of mind or for your
own sake?"
He kept silence, his eyes fixed on the ground, and then began to walk
about in great strides. "What should I do?" he said, still trembling
with agitation. "Tell me, Vera Vassilievna."
"First of all, calm yourself, and explain to me why you wish to kill him
and whether I desire it."
"He is your enemy, consequently also mine."
"Does one kill one's enemies?"
He bent his head and seeing the pieces of the whip lying on the ground
he picked them up as if he were ashamed, and put them in his pocket.
"I do not accuse him. I alone bear the blame, and he has justification,"
she said with such bitter misery that Tushin took her hand.
"Vera Vassilievna," he said, "you are suffering horribly. I do not
understand," he went on, looking at her with sympathy and admiration,
"what you mean by saying that he has justification, and that you bring
no accusation against him. If that's the case, why did you wish to speak
to me and call me here into the avenue?"
"Because I wanted you to know the whole truth."
"Don't leave me in the dark, Vera Vassilievna. You must have had some
reason for confiding your secret to me."
"You looked at me so strangely to-day that I could not understand your
meaning, and thought you must already be informed of all that had
happened and could not rest until I knew what was in your mind. I was
too hasty, but it comes to the same thing, for sooner or later I should
have told you. Sit down, and hear what I have to say, and then have done
with me." She explained the situation to him in a few words.
"So you forgive him," he asked, after a moment's thought.
"Forgive him, of course. I tell you that I alone am guilty."
"Have you separated from him, or do you hope for his return?"
"There is nothing whatever in common between us, and we shall never see
one another again."
"Now, I understand a little, for the first time, but still not
everything," said Tushin, sighing bitterly. "I thought you had been
vulgarly betrayed, and, since you called me to your help, I imagined
that the time had come for the Bear to do his duty. I was on the point
of rendering you the service of a Bear, and it was for that reason that
I permitted myself to ask boldly for the man's name. Forgive me, and now
tell me why you have revealed the story to me."
"Because I was not willing that you should think better of me than I
deserve, and esteem me...."
"But how would you accomplish that? I shall not cease to think of you as
I have always thought of you, and I cannot do otherwise than respect
you."
A gleam of pleasure lighted her eyes, only to be immediately
extinguished. "You want to restore my self-esteem," she said, "because
you are good and generous. You are sorry for a poor unfortunate girl and
want to raise her up again. I understand your generosity, Ivan Ivanovich,
but I will have none of it."
"Vera Vassilievna," he said, kissing her hand. "I could not esteem
anybody under compulsion. If I give anyone a greeting in the street, he
has my esteem; if he has not my esteem, I pass him by. I greet you as
before, and because you are unhappy my love for you is greater than
before. You are enduring a great sorrow, as I am. You have lost your
hopes of happiness," he added in a low, melancholy tone. "If you had
kept your secret from me and I had heard it by chance, even so my esteem
for you could not have been diminished. For there is no duty laid on you
to reveal a secret which belongs to you alone. No one has the right to
judge you." The last words were spoken in a trembling voice which made
it clear that he also was oppressed by the secret, the weight of which
he desired to lighten for Vera.
"I had to tell you to-day when you made your declaration to me. I felt
it was impossible to leave you in ignorance."
"You might very well have answered me with a categorical 'No.' But since
you do me the honour, Vera Vassilievna, of bestowing your particular
friendship on me, you might have gilded your 'No' by saying that you
loved another. That would have been sufficient for me, for I should
never have asked you who, and your secret would, without doubt, have
remained your own." He pointed to the precipice, and collecting his
whole strength whispered, "A misfortune...." Although he tried with all
his might not to let her see how disturbed he was, he was hardly able to
speak clearly. "A misfortune," he repeated. "You say that he has
justification, that the guilt is yours; if that is so, where does
justice lie?"
"I told you, Ivan Ivanovich, that my confession was not necessary for
your sake, but for mine. You know how I esteem your friendship, and it
would have caused me unspeakable pain to deceive you. Even now, when I
have hidden nothing from you, I cannot look you in the eyes." Tears
stifled her voice, and it was with difficulty that Tushin held back his
own tears; he stooped and kissed her hand once more.
"Thanks, a thousand thanks, Vera Vassilievna. I see that an affection
for another has no power to lessen your friendship for me, and that is a
wonderful consolation."
"Ivan Ivanovich, if I could only cut this year out of my life."
"A speedy forgetfulness," he said, "comes to the same thing."
"How can I forget, and where can I find the strength to endure its
memory?"
"You will find strength in friendship, and I am one of your friends."
She breathed another air for the moment, conscious that there was beside
her a tower of strength, under whose shadow her passion and her pain
were alleviated. "I believe in your friendship, Ivan Ivanovich, and
thank you for it," she said, drying her tears. "I already feel calmer,
and should feel still calmer if Grandmother...."
"She does not yet know anything of this?" he asked, but broke off
immediately in the consciousness that his question involved a reproach.
"She has guests to-day and could not possibly be told, but to-morrow she
shall learn all. Farewell, Ivan Ivanovich, my head aches, and I am going
back to the house to lie down." Tushin looked at Vera, asking himself
how any man could be such a blind fool as Volokov. Or is he merely a
beast, he thought to himself in impotent rage. He pulled himself
together, however, and asked her if she had any instructions for him.
"Please ask Natasha," she said, "to come over to me to-morrow or the
next day."
"And may I come one day next week to inquire whether you are better?"
"Do not be anxious, Ivan Ivanovich. And now good-bye, for I can hardly
stand."
When he left her, he drove his horses so wildly down the steep hill that
he himself was in danger of being hurled to the bottom of the precipice.
When he put his hand out as usual for his whip, it was not there, and he
remembered that he had broken it, and threw away the useless pieces on
the road. In spite of his mad haste he reached the Volga too late for
the ferry. He had to stay in the town with a friend, and drove next
morning to his home in the forest.
CHAPTER XXVIII
In Tatiana Markovna's house, servants, cooks and coachmen were all
astir, and at a very early hour in the morning were already drunk. The
mistress of the house herself was unusually silent and sad when she let
Marfinka go with her future mother-in-law. She had no instructions or
advice to give, and hardly listened to Marfinka's questions about what
she ought to take with her. "What you like," she said absently, and gave
orders to Vassilissa and the maid who was going with Marfinka to
Kolchino to put everything in order and pack up what was necessary. She
handed over her dear child to Marfa Egorovna's charge, at the same time
pointing out to Marfinka's fiance that he must take the greatest care of
her, and that in order not to give strangers a wrong impression, he must
be more dignified and must not chase about the garden and the woods with
her as he did in Malinovka.
When she saw that Vikentev coloured at this advice, which indicated
doubt of his tactfulness, and that Marfa Egorovna bit her underlip,
Tatiana Markovna changed her tone; she laid her hand on his shoulder
calling him "Dear Nikolinka," and telling him that she knew herself how
unnecessary her words were, but that old women liked to preach. Then she
sighed, and said not another word to her guests before their departure.
Vera too came to breakfast; she looked pale, and it was clear that she
had had a sleepless night. She said she still had a headache, but felt
better than she did yesterday. There was no change in Tatiana Markovna's
affectionate manner to her. Now and then Marfa Egorovna cast questioning
glances in Vera's direction. What was the meaning of pain without any
definite illness? Why did she not appear yesterday until after dinner,
and then only for a moment, to go out followed by Tushin. What had they
found to say to one another for an hour in the twilight? Being a
sensible woman she did not pursue these inquiries, though they flashed
for a moment in her eyes; nevertheless Vera saw them, although they were
quickly exchanged for looks of sympathy. Neither did Marfa Egorovna's
questioning glances escape Tatiana Markovna, who kept her eyes on the
ground, while Vera maintained her indifferent manner. Already people are
wondering what had happened, thought Tatiana Markovna sadly; on my arms
she came into the world, she is my child and yet I do not know what her
trouble is.
Raisky had been out for a walk before breakfast, and wore on his face a
look as if he had just come to a decision on a momentous question. He
looked at Vera as calmly as at the others, and did not avoid Tatiana
Markovna's eyes. He promised Vikentev to come over to see him in a day
or two, and listened attentively to his guest's conversation about
hunting and fishing.
At last everything was ready for their departure. Tatiana Markovna and
Raisky went with their guests as far as the Volga, leaving Vera at home.
Vera's world had always been a small one, and its boundaries were now
drawn more narrowly than ever. She had been contented during the long
years with the observation and experience which were accessible to her
in her immediate environment. Her small circle represented to her the
crowd; she made her own in a short time what it took others many years
in many places to learn. Unlike Marfinka she was cautious in her
sympathies, granting her friendship only to the priest's wife and to
Tushin, whom she openly called her friend. The simple things and the
simple people who surrounded her did not serve only trivial purposes.
She understood how to embroider on this ordinary canvas the bold pattern
of a richer life with other needs, thoughts and feelings; she guessed at
these by reading between the lines of everyday life other lines which
expressed the desires of her mind and heart. If she was cautious in her
sympathies she was excessively so in the sphere of thought and knowledge.
She read books from the library in the old house, taking from the
shelves at first without choice or system as a pastime whatever came
into her hands; then she began to experience curiosity, and finally a
definite desire for knowledge. She was keen-sighted enough to understand
how aimless and unfruitful it was to wander among these other minds
without any guiding thread. Without making direct inquiries she procured
some explanations from Koslov, and although she understood many things
at a bound, she never let it be seen that she had any knowledge of
things beyond her immediate circle. Without losing sight of Koslov's
instructions she read the books once more, to find that they meant much
more to her and that her interest in them was steadily increasing. At
the request of the young priest, Natasha's husband, she brought him
books too, and listened when he expressed his views on this or that
author, without herself adopting the seminarist view.
Later on she came into contact with Mark, who brought a new light to
bear on all that she had read and heard and known; his attitude was one
of blank denial. No authority in heaven or earth weighed with him, he
despised science as it had hitherto developed, and made no distinction
between virtue and crime. If he thought that he would soon be able to
triumph over Vera's convictions he was mistaken. She regarded these bold
and often alluring ideas with shy admiration, without giving herself up
blindly to their influence; she listened cautiously to the preaching of
the apostle, but found in it neither a new life, nor happiness, nor
truth, and, though she followed attentively what he had to say, it was
only because she was drawn on by the ardent desire to find the reality
that lay behind Mark's extraordinary and audacious personality. Mark
displayed his unsparing negation, enmity and scorn against all that men
believe, love and hope for; Vera did not agree with all she heard,
because she observed the malady that lay concealed behind the teaching,
even if she could not discover where it lay. Her Columbus could show her
nothing but a row of open graves standing ready to receive all that by
which society had hitherto existed. Vera remembered the story of
Pharaoh's lean kine, which without themselves becoming fatter devoured
the fat kine.
Mark would have despoiled mankind of his crown in the name of wisdom; he
would acknowledge in him nothing but an animal organism. And while he
denied man in man, denied him the possession of a soul and the right to
immortality, he yet spoke of his strivings to introduce a better order
of things, neglecting to observe that in accordance with his own theory
of the chance arrangement of existence, by which men herd together like
flies in the hot weather; such efforts were useless.
Granting the correctness of his ideas as a premiss, thought Vera, there
can be no sense in striving to be better, kinder, truer and purer, if
this life enduring only for a few decades is the end of all things. When
she looked deeper into the matter and examined the new truth taught by
the young apostle, the new conception of good and the new revelation,
she saw with astonishment that what in his talk was good and
incontrovertible was not new, that it was derived from sources from
which others also drew, who certainly did not belong to the new society;
she recognised that the seed of the new civilisation which he preached
with so much boastfulness and such a parade of mystery lay in the
old-fashioned doctrine, and for this reason she believed more firmly than
ever in the older philosophy of life. She looked on Mark's personality
with such suspicion that she gradually withdrew herself from his
influence. Hideously disturbed by his audacity of thought, she had even
gone so far as to tell Tatiana Markovna of this accidental acquaintance,
with the result that the old lady told the servants to keep a watch on
the garden, but Volokov came from the direction of the precipice, from
which the watchmen were effectually kept away by their superstitious
fears. Mark himself had noted Vera's distrust, and he set himself to
overcome it.
He was the more easily able to accomplish this because, when her
interest was once awakened, she met him halfway, imperceptibly to
herself. She meditated carefully on the facts that made up her life; her
mind was occupied by new questionings, and for that reason she listened
more attentively to his words when she met him in the fields. Often they
went out walking on the banks of the Volga, and eventually found a
meeting-place in the arbour at the bottom of the precipice. Gradually
Vera adopted a more active role in their intercourse. She wanted to
convert him, to lead him back to the acceptance of proved truth, the
truth of love, of human as opposed to animal happiness, of faith and
hope. Mark gave way in some things, though only gradually; his manners
became less eccentric, he was less provocative in his behaviour to the
police than before, he lived in a more orderly fashion, and ceased to
stud his conversation with cynical remarks.
The change pleased Vera, and this was the cause of the happy excitement
that Tatiana Markovna and Raisky had remarked in her. Since her
influence was effective even if only in what affected his external life,
she hoped by incessant effort and sacrifice gradually to produce a
miracle; her reward was to be the happiness of being loved by the man of
her heart's choice. She flattered herself that she would be introducing
a new strong man into society. If he were to show himself in wisdom and
strength of will, simply and reliable, as Tushin was, her life was
mapped out for her. While she was engaged in these efforts she allowed
her passionate nature to be carried away by his personality; she fell in
love, not with his doctrine, which she refused to accept, but with
himself. He called to new activity, but she saw in his appeal nothing
more than the lending of forbidden books. She agreed with him that work
was necessary, and herself avoided idleness; she drew up for herself a
picture of simple genuine activity for the future, and envied Marfinka
because she understood how to make herself useful in the house and the
village. She intended to share these labours with her sister when once
the stiff battle with Mark had been brought to a conclusion; but the
struggle was not to end with a victory for either one or the other, but
with mutual overthrow and a permanent separation.
These were the thoughts that passed through Vera's mind while Tatiana
Markovna and Raisky were accompanying their guests and Marfinka as far
as the Volga. What was the Wolf doing now? was he enjoying his triumph?
She took from her letter case a sealed letter on blue paper which she
had received early that morning and looked at it thoughtfully for a
minute before she threw it down with its seals unbroken on the table.
All her troubles were submerged in the painful question, what would
become of her Grandmother. Raisky had already whispered to Vera that he
would speak to Tatiana Markovna that evening if she were alone, and that
he would take care that none of the servants should have the opportunity
of seeing the impression which the news was bound to make on her. Vera
shivered with foreboding when he spoke of these precautions; she would
have liked to have died before evening came. After her talk of past
events with Raisky and Tushin she recovered something of her usual
calmness; a part of her burden was gone now that, like a sailor in a
storm, she had lightened the ship of some of its ballast, but she felt
that the heaviest load of all still lay on her conscience. It is
impossible to go on living like this, she told herself, as she made her
way to the chapel. There, on her knees, she looked anxiously up at the
holy picture as if she expected a sign, but the sign she longed for was
not granted, and she passed out of the chapel in despair as one who lay
under the ban of God.
CHAPTER XXIX
When Tatiana Markovna returned from the ferry she sat down to work at
her accounts, but soon laid them aside, and dismissed the servants. She
asked for Raisky, who had gone over to see Koslov because he did not
want to be left alone with his aunt. She sent across to ask Vera whether
she was coming to dinner. Vera said that she would rather stay in her
room and go to bed early.
In the courtyard a scene by no means unusual was being enacted. Savili
had nearly broken Marina's back with a severe beating because he had
seen her slipping out at dawn from the room in which Vikentev's servant
was quartered. She hid herself in the fields and the vegetable garden,
but at last she emerged, thinking that he would have forgotten. He
struck her with the whip while she sought refuge in one corner after
another, swearing by all that was sacred that the devil had taken on her
figure and had made a fool of him. But when he exchanged the whip for
the stick she cried out aloud at the first blow and fell at his feet. "I
am guilty," she cried, begging for mercy. She promised not to transgress
again, calling God to witness of her sincerity. Thereupon Savili threw
away the stick and wiped his face with his sleeve.
"You may go this time," he said, "since you have confessed, and since
you call God to witness."
Tatiana Markovna was informed of this proceeding, but she only wrinkled
her forehead, and made a sign to Vassilissa not to be too severe with
Marina.
There were visitors to dinner who had heard of Vera's indisposition and
had come to inquire. Tatiana Markovna spoke of a chill, suffering all
the time from her insincerity, since she did not know what was the truth
that lay behind this feigned illness. She had not dared to send for the
doctor, who would have immediately seen that it was a moral, not a
physical malady.
She ate no supper; Tiet Nikonich politely said that he had no appetite
either. Then came Raisky, who also wanted no supper, but sat silently at
table pretending not to notice the glances which Tatiana Markovna
directed towards him from time to time.
When Tiet Nikonich had made his bow and departed, Tatiana Markovna
prepared to retire. She hardly looked at Raisky when she bade him
good-night, because her affections and her self-esteem were both too
deeply wounded. A secret and serious misfortune had befallen the family,
but she was left on one side like a stranger, as if she were a useless,
incapable woman. Raisky said in a low voice that he must speak with her.
"Bad news?" she whispered, shivering and looking fixedly at him before
she passed with him into her own room. She dropped into her old chair
and pushed the lamp farther away, first covering it with a shade, so
that the room was dimly lighted. Raisky began his tale as cautiously as
possible, but his lips trembled and now and again his tongue refused its
office, but he collected all his strength and went on, although towards
the end of his story his voice was hardly audible.
Dawn had come, but throughout the long hours Tatiana Markovna had sat
motionless and speechless with bowed head, giving vent now and then to a
low moan. Raisky fell on his knees before her and implored her, "Go to
Vera's help."
"She has sent too late for Grandmother. God will go to her help. Spare
her and console her as you know how to do. She no longer has a
Grandmother," she said, going towards the door.
"Grandmother, what is the matter with you?" cried Raisky barring her way.
"You have no longer a Grandmother," she said absently. "Go, go." As he
did not obey, she cried angrily, "Don't come here. I will see no one.
You must all of you leave me in peace." He would have replied, but she
made an impatient gesture with her hand. "Go to her," she continued.
"Help her as far as you can. Grandmother can do nothing: you have no
longer a Grandmother."
She made another gesture with her hand, so imperious this time that he
went without further parley, but he concealed himself in the yard and
watched her window. Tatiana Markovna sank back in her chair and closed
her eyes, and for a long time she remained there, cold and stiff as if
she were a dead woman. Raisky, who had not gone to bed, and Vassilissa
and Yakob as well, saw Tatiana Markovna with her head uncovered and her
Turkish shawl thrown round her shoulders leave the house in the early
morning and go out into the garden. It was as if a bronze figure had
descended from its pedestal and had begun to walk.
She passed through the flower garden and then through the avenue to the
precipice; then, striding slowly along, with her head held high and
without looking round, she went down the face of the cliff, and
disappeared. Concealing his presence in the trees, Raisky hurried after
her, following her as she passed deeper and deeper down the precipice
and until she reached the arbour, where she paused. Raisky came closer,
and held his breath as he listened to Tatiana Markovna's heavy sighs,
and then heard her whisper, "My sin." With her hands above her head she
walked hastily on, until she came to the bank of the river and stood
still. The wind wound her dress round her ankles, disordered her hair,
and tugged at her shawl, but she noticed nothing. A terrible idea dawned
on Raisky that she intended to drown herself. But his aunt turned back
as she had come, with slow strides which left deep prints in the damp
sand. Raisky breathed more freely; but when, following her track in a
parallel direction, he caught sight of her face, he held his breath in
horror at the agony he saw written there. She had spoken truly, their
grandmother existed no longer. This was not grandmother, not Tatiana
Markovna, the warm-hearted mistress of Malinovka, where the life and
prosperity of the whole place depended on her, the wise and happy ruler
of her little kingdom. It was as if she were not walking of her own
accord but was driven on by an impulse exterior to herself, as
unconscious of her movements she climbed the steep hill through the
brushwood, with her shawl hanging down from her shoulders dragging its
corners in the dust; her eyes, from which stony horror looked forth,
were unwinking; her manner was that of a moonstruck woman. Raisky found
it difficult to follow her. She paused once, leaning both hands on a
tree. "My sin," she exclaimed again. "How heavy is the burden! If it is
not lightened, I can bear it no longer." She began again to climb
quickly up the hill, surmounting the difficulties of the steep path
with unnatural strength and leaving tags of her dress and her shawl
behind her in the bushes.
Overcome with amazement and horror, Raisky watched this new strange
woman. He knew that only great souls conquer heavy trouble with strength
like hers. They have wings like eagles to soar into the clouds and eagle
eyes to gaze into the abyss. This was not his grandmother; she seemed to
him to be one of those feminine figures which emerge from the family
circle in the supreme moments of life under the heavy blows of fate, who
bear great misfortunes majestically and are not overwhelmed. He saw in
her a Jewess of the olden days, a noble woman of Jerusalem, who scorns
the prophecy that her people will lose their fame and their honour to
the Romans, but when the hour of fate has arrived, when the men of
Jerusalem are watering its walls with their tears and beating their
heads against the stones, then she takes the ornaments from her hair,
puts on mourning garments, and goes on her pilgrimage wherever the hand
of Jehovah leads. His mind went back to another queen of misfortune, to
the Russian Marfa, the enemy of the city of Moscow, who maintained her
defiance even in her chains, and, dying, directed the destiny of free
Novgorod. Before his imagination there passed a procession of other
suffering women, Russian Tsaritsas, who, at the wish of their husbands,
had adopted the dress of the nun and had maintained their intellect and
their strength of character in the cloister....
Raisky diverted his attention from these unsummoned apparitions, and
looked attentively at the suffering woman before him. Tatiana Markovna's
kingdom was perishing. Her house was left desolate; her dearest treasure,
her pride, her pearl, had been taken from her, and she wandered lonely
among the ruins. When she paused in her walk in order to collect her
strength, she tottered and would have fallen but for an inner whisper
which assured her she would yet reach her goal. She pulled herself
together, and wandered on until evening. Half asleep, terrified by her
crowding fancies, she spent the night on the sofa. At dawn she rose, and
went once more to the precipice. With her head resting on the bare
boards she sat for a long time on the crumbling threshold of the arbour,
then she went through the fields, and was lost in the thicket on the
bank of the river. By chance her steps led her to the chapel, where new
terror seized her at the sight of the picture of the Christ. She fell on
her knees like a wounded animal, covered her face with her shawl, and
moaned, "My sin! my sin!"
Tatiana Markovna's servants had lost their heads in terror. Vassilissa
and Yakob hardly stirred from the church. She intended, if her mistress
recovered, to make her pilgrimage on foot to Kiev in order to venerate
the miracle worker; he promised to the patron saint of the village a
thick wax candle ornamented with gold. The rest of the servants hid
themselves, and only looked shyly out after their mistress as she
wandered distraught through the fields and the woods.
For two days already Tatiana Markovna had eaten nothing. Raisky indeed
tried to restrain her from leaving the house again, but she waved him
imperiously away. Then with decision he took a jug of water, came up to
her, and took her hand. She looked at him as if she did not know who he
was, then mechanically seized the jug in her trembling hand, and drank
greedily in big mouthfuls.
"Grandmother, come home again, and do not make both yourself and us
wretched," he begged. "You will kill yourself."
"It is God's will; I shall not lose my reason, for I am upheld by His
strength. I must endure to the end. Do you raise me if I fall. My sin!"
she murmured and went on her way. After she had gone a few steps, she
turned round and he ran to her.
"If I do not survive," she began, signing to him to bow his head. Raisky
knelt down, and she pressed his head to her breast, laid her hands on it
and kissed him. "Accept my blessing, deliver it to Marfinka, and to her,
to my poor Vera. Do you understand, to her also."
"Grandmother!" he cried, kissing her hand.
She tore her hand away, and set out to wander once more through the
thicket, by the river bank, and in the fields. A devout soul obeys its
own laws, thought Raisky, as he dried his tears; only a saint could
suffer like this for the object of her love.
Things were not going any better with Vera. Raisky made haste to tell
her of his conversation with their aunt; when she sent for him early
next morning, in her anxiety to have news of Tatiana Markovna, he
pointed out of the window, and Vera saw how Tatiana Markovna was
drifting, urged on by the heavy hand of misfortune. For a moment she
caught sight of her expression, and sank horrified on the floor, but she
pulled herself up again, ran from one window to the other, and stretched
her hands out towards her grandmother. Then she rushed through the wide
empty hall of the old house in a wild desire to follow Tatiana Markovna,
but she realised in time that it would have killed her aunt if she
approached her just now. Vera was conscious now how deeply she had
wounded another life so close to her own, as she saw the tragic figure
of her aunt, so happy until recently and now bearing the punishment of
another's sin. Raisky brought her Tatiana Markovna's blessing, and Vera
fell on his neck and wept for a long time.
On the evening of the second day, Vera was found sitting in a corner of
the great hall, half dressed. Raisky and the priest's wife, who had just
arrived, led her almost by force into her room and laid her down on the
bed. Raisky sent for the doctor, to whom he tried to explain her
indisposition. The doctor prescribed a sedative, which Vera drank
without being any calmer for it; she often waked in her sleep to ask
after her grandmother.
"Give me something to drink ... don't say a word. Do not let anyone come
to see me. Find out what Grandmother is doing." It was just the same in
the night. When she awoke, she would whisper, "Grandmother doesn't come,
Grandmother doesn't love me any more. She has not forgiven me."
On the third day Tatiana Markovna left the house without being observed.
After two sleepless nights, Raisky had lain down and had given
instructions to wake him if she left the house, but Yakob and Vassilissa
had gone to early Mass, and the other servants had paid no attention.
Later on Savili saw that his mistress, catching hold of the trees as she
went, was making her way from the precipice to the fields. Raisky
hurried after her and watched her slow return to the house; she stood
still, looked round as if she were saying goodbye to the group of houses,
groped with her hands, and swayed violently. Then he rushed up to her,
brought her back to the house with Vassilissa's help, put her in her
armchair and sent for the doctor. Vassilissa fell on her knees before
her mistress.
"Little mother! Tatiana Markovna," she begged, "come back to us. Make
the sign of the Cross."
Tatiana Markovna crossed herself, sighed, and signed that she could not
speak and wanted something to drink. Vassilissa undressed her, wrapped
her in warm sheets, rubbed her hands and feet with spirit, and then gave
her some warm wine to drink. The doctor prescribed for her, but said
that it was most important of all that she should not be disturbed, but
should be allowed to sleep.
An incautious word that Tatiana Markovna was ill reached Vera's ears.
She pushed past Natalie Ivanovna, and wanted to go over to the new house;
Raisky had great difficulty in persuading her to abandon her intention
as Tatiana Markovna lay in a deep sleep. In the evening Vera was worse,
she had fever and was delirious, and during the night she flung herself
from one side to another, calling on her grandmother in her sleep, and
weeping. Raisky wanted to call the old doctor; he waited impatiently
till the morning and spent his time in going from Vera to Tatiana
Markovna, and from Tatiana Markovna back to Vera.
As Vera's condition had not improved next morning, Raisky went with
Vassilissa into Tatiana Markovna's bedroom, where they found the old
lady in the same state as she had been in the whole of the day before.
"I am afraid of going near her in case I alarm her," he whispered.
"Should I awaken the mistress?"
"She must be awakened. Vera Vassilievna is ill, and I don't know whether
I ought to send for the old doctor."
The words were hardly out of his mouth when Tatiana Markovna sat up. "Is
Vera ill?" she said in a low voice.
Raisky breathed more freely, for his aunt, in her present anxiety, had
lost the stony expression of yesterday. She signed to him to leave the
room. Half an hour later she was walking across the courtyard to the old
house with trouble plainly depicted on her face, but apparently without
a trace of weariness. She entered Vera's room cautiously, and when she
saw the pale sleeping face, whispered to Raisky, "Send for the old
doctor." She now noticed for the first time the priest's wife and her
weary eyes; she embraced Natalie Ivanovna, and advised her kindly to go
and get a whole day's rest.
When the doctor arrived, Tatiana Markovna gave him an ingenious
explanation of Vera's indisposition. He discovered symptoms of a nervous
fever and prescribed medicine; but on the whole he did not think that
serious consequences need be expected if the patient could be kept quiet.
Vera was half asleep when she took the medicine and towards evening fell
fast asleep. Tatiana Markovna sat down at the head of the bed, watching
her movements and listening to her breathing. Presently Vera woke up and
asked, "Are you asleep, Natasha?"
As she received no answer she closed her eyes, but she could not go to
sleep again, and the darkness seemed to her to be a dark and terrible
prison. After a time she asked for something to drink. Someone handed
her a cup.
"How is Grandmother?" asked Vera, opening her eyes only to close them
again immediately. "Natasha, where are you? Come here. Why are you
hiding?" she sighed and fell asleep again. Presently she woke again and
whispered pitifully, "Grandmother doesn't come. Grandmother loves me no
longer, and has not forgiven me."
"Grandmother is here. She loves you and has forgiven you."
Vera sprang from the bed and rushed up to Tatiana Markovna.
"Grandmother," she cried, half fainting and hiding her head on her
breast.
Tatiana Markovna put her to bed again, leaned her grey head by Vera's
white suffering face, while the girl in a low voice, with sighs and
tears, made her confession on her breast. Her aunt listened without
speaking, and presently wiped away Vera's tears with her handkerchief,
and kissed her warmly and affectionately.
"Do not waste your caresses on me, Grandmother; only do not leave me. I
do not deserve your caresses. Keep your kisses for my sister."
"Your sister is no longer in need of my caresses. But I need your love.
If you forsake me, Vera, I shall be a desolate old woman." Tatiana
Markovna wept.
"Mother, forgive me," whispered Vera, embracing her with her whole
strength. "I have not been obedient to you, and God has punished me,"
she went on, but Tatiana Markovna shut her mouth with a kiss.
"Do not talk like that, Vera," interrupted her grandmother, who had
turned pale with horror and once more wore the aspect of the old woman
who had been wandering about in the thicket by the precipice.
"Yes, I thought that my own brain and will were self-sufficing, that I
was wiser than you all."
"You are wiser than I and have more learning," said Tatiana Markovna,
breathing more freely. "God has given you a clear understanding, but you have not my experience." |
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