the memories of casanova 115

the memories of casanova 115

Irrespective of birth, beauty, and wit, which was the principal merit of

my new conquest, prejudice was there to enhance a hundredfold my

felicity, for she was a vestal: it was forbidden fruit, and who does not

know that, from Eve down to our days, it was that fruit which has always

appeared the most delicious! I was on the point of encroaching upon the

rights of an all-powerful husband; in my eyes M---- M---- was above all

the queens of the earth.

 

If my reason had not been the slave of passion, I should have known that

my nun could not be a different creature from all the pretty women whom

I had loved for the thirteen years that I had been labouring in the

fields of love. But where is the man in love who can harbour such a

thought? If it presents itself too often to his mind, he expels it

disdainfully! M---- M---- could not by any means be otherwise than

superior to all other women in the wide world.

 

Animal nature, which chemists call the animal kingdom, obtains through

instinct the three various means necessary for the perpetuation of its

species.

 

There are three real wants which nature has implanted in all human

creatures. They must feed themselves, and to prevent that task from

being insipid and tedious they have the agreeable sensation of appetite,

which they feel pleasure in satisfying. They must propagate their

respective species; an absolute necessity which proves the wisdom of the

Creator, since without reproduction all would, be annihilated--by the

constant law of degradation, decay and death. And, whatever St.

Augustine may say, human creatures would not perform the work of

generation if they did not find pleasure in it, and if there was not in

that great work an irresistible attraction for them. In the third place,

all creatures have a determined and invincible propensity to destroy

their enemies; and it is certainly a very wise ordination, for that

feeling of self-preservation makes it a duty for them to do their best

for the destruction of whatever can injure them.

 

Each species obeys these laws in its own way. The three sensations:

hunger, desire, and hatred--are in animals the satisfaction of habitual

instinct, and cannot be called pleasures, for they can be so only in

proportion to the intelligence of the individual. Man alone is gifted

with the perfect organs which render real pleasure peculiar to him;

because, being, endowed with the sublime faculty of reason, he foresees

enjoyment, looks for it, composes, improves, and increases it by thought

and recollection. I entreat you, dear reader, not to get weary of

following me in my ramblings; for now that I am but the shadow of the

once brilliant Casanova, I love to chatter; and if you were to give me

the slip, you would be neither polite nor obliging.

 

Man comes down to the level of beasts whenever he gives himself up to

the three natural propensities without calling reason and judgment to

his assistance; but when the mind gives perfect equilibrium to those

propensities, the sensations derived from them become true enjoyment, an

unaccountable feeling which gives us what is called happiness, and which

we experience without being able to describe it.

 

The voluptuous man who reasons, disdains greediness, rejects with

contempt lust and lewdness, and spurns the brutal revenge which is

caused by a first movement of anger: but he is dainty, and satisfies his

appetite only in a manner in harmony with his nature and his tastes; he

is amorous, but he enjoys himself with the object of his love only when

he is certain that she will share his enjoyment, which can never be the

case unless their love is mutual; if he is offended, he does not care

for revenge until he has calmly considered the best means to enjoy it

fully. If he is sometimes more cruel than necessary, he consoles himself

with the idea that he has acted under the empire of reason; and his

revenge is sometimes so noble that he finds it in forgiveness. Those

three operations are the work of the soul which, to procure enjoyment

for itself, becomes the agent of our passions. We sometimes suffer from

hunger in order to enjoy better the food which will allay it; we delay

the amorous enjoyment for the sake of making it more intense, and we put

off the moment of our revenge in order to mike it more certain. It is

true, however, that one may die from indigestion, that we allow

ourselves to be often deceived in love, and that the creature we want to

annihilate often escapes our revenge; but perfection cannot be attained

in anything, and those are risks which we run most willingly.

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER XVII

 

 

Continuation of the Last Chapter--My First Assignation With M. M.--

Letter From C. C.--My Second Meeting With the Nun At My Splendid Casino

In Venice I Am Happy

 

There is nothing, there can be nothing, dearer to a thinking being than

life; yet the voluptuous men, those who try to enjoy it in the best

manner, are the men who practise with the greatest perfection the

difficult art of shortening life, of driving it fast. They do not mean

to make it shorter, for they would like to perpetuate it in the midst of

pleasure, but they wish enjoyment to render its course insensible; and

they are right, provided they do not fail in fulfilling their duties.

Man must not, however, imagine that he has no other duties but those

which gratify his senses; he would be greatly mistaken, and he might

fall the victim of his own error. I think that my friend Horace made a

mistake when he said to Florus:

 

'Nec metuam quid de me judicet heres, Quod non plura datis inveniet.'

 

The happiest man is the one who knows how to obtain the greatest sum of

happiness without ever failing in the discharge of his duties, and the

most unhappy is the man who has adopted a profession in which he finds

himself constantly under the sad necessity of foreseeing the future.

 

Perfectly certain that M---- M---- would keep her word, I went to the

convent at ten o'clock in the morning, and she joined me in the parlour

as soon as I was announced.

 

"Good heavens!" she exclaimed, "are you ill?"

 

"No, but I may well look so, for the expectation of happiness wears me

out. I have lost sleep and appetite, and if my felicity were to be

deferred my life would be the forfeit."

 

"There shall be no delay, dearest; but how impatient you are! Let us sit

down. Here is the key of my casino. You will find some persons in it,

because we must be served; but nobody will speak to you, and you need

not speak to anyone. You must be masked, and you must not go there till

two hours after sunset; mind, not before. Then go up the stairs opposite

the street-door, and at the top of those stairs you will see, by the

light of a lamp, a green door which you will open to enter the apartment

which you will find lighted. You will find me in the second room, and in

case I should not be there you will wait for me a few minutes; you may

rely upon my being punctual. You can take off your mask in that room,

and make yourself comfortable; you will find some books and a good

fire."

 

The description could not be clearer; I kissed the hand which was giving

me the key of that mysterious temple, and I enquired from the charming

woman whether I should see her in her conventual garb.

 

"I always leave the convent with it," she said, "but I have at the

casino a complete wardrobe to transform myself into an elegant woman of

the world, and even to disguise myself."

 

"I hope you will do me the favour to remain in the dress of a nun."

 

"Why so, I beg?"

 

"I love to see you in that dress."

 

"Ah! ah! I understand. You fancy that my head is shaved, and you are

afraid. But comfort yourself, dear friend, my wig is so beautifully made

that it defies detection; it is nature itself."

 

"Oh, dear! what are you saying? The very name of wig is awful. But no,

you may be certain that I will find you lovely under all circumstances.

I only entreat you not to put on that cruel wig in my presence. Do I

offend you? Forgive me; I am very sorry to have mentioned that subject.

Are you sure that no one can see you leave the convent?"

 

"You will be sure of it yourself when you have gone round the island and

seen the small door on the shore. I have the key of a room opening on

the shore, and I have every confidence in the sister who serves me."

 

"And the gondola?"

 

"My lover himself answers for the fidelity of the gondoliers."

 

"What a man that lover is! I fancy he must be an old man."

 

"You are mistaken; if he were old, I should be ashamed. He is not forty,

and he has everything necessary to be loved--beauty, wit, sweet temper,

and noble behaviour."

 

"And he forgives your amorous caprices?"

 

"What do you mean by caprices? A year ago he obtained possession of me,

and before him I had never belonged to a man; you are the first who

inspired me with a fancy. When I confessed it to him he was rather

surprised, then he laughed, and read me a short lecture upon the risk I

was running in trusting a man who might prove indiscreet. He wanted me

to know at least who you were before going any further, but it was too

late. I answered for your discretion, and of course I made him laugh by

my being so positively the guarantee of a man whom I did not know."

 

"When did you confide in him?"

 

"The day before yesterday, and without concealing anything from him. I

have shewn him my letters and yours; he thinks you are a Frenchman,

although you represent yourself as a Venetian. He is very curious to

know who you are, but you need not be afraid; I promise you faithfully

never to take any steps to find it out myself."

 

"And I promise you likewise not to try to find out who is this wonderful

man as wonderful as you are yourself. I am very miserable when I think

of the sorrow I have caused you."

 

"Do not mention that subject any more; when I consider the matter, I see

that only a conceited man would have acted differently."

 

Before leaving her, she granted me another token of her affection

through the little window, and her gaze followed me as far as the door.

 

In the evening, at the time named by her, I repaired to the casino, and

obeying all her instructions I reached a sitting-room in which I found

my new conquest dressed in a most elegant costume. The room was lighted

up by girandoles, which were reflected by the looking-glasses, and by

four splendid candlesticks placed on a table covered with books. M----

M---- struck me as entirely different in her beauty to what she had

seemed in the garb of a nun. She wore no cap, and her hair was fastened

behind in a thick twist; but I passed rapidly over that part of her

person, because I could not bear the idea of a wig, and I could not

compliment her about it. I threw myself at her feet to shew her my deep

gratitude, and I kissed with rapture her beautiful hands, waiting

impatiently for the amorous contest which I was longing for; but M----

M---- thought fit to oppose some resistance. Oh, how sweet they are!

those denials of a loving mistress, who delays the happy moment only for

the sake of enjoying its delights better! As a lover respectful, tender,

but bold, enterprising, certain of victory, I blended delicately the

gentleness of my proceedings with the ardent fire which was consuming

me; and stealing the most voluptuous kisses from the most beautiful

mouth I felt as if my soul would burst from my body. We spent two hours

in the preliminary contest, at the end of which we congratulated one

another, on her part for having contrived to resist, on mine for having

controlled my impatience.

 

Wanting a little rest, and understanding each other as if by a natural

instinct, she said to me,

 

"My friend, I have an appetite which promises to do honour to the supper; are you able to keep me good company?"