the memories of casanova 127
Now that age has whitened my hair and deadened the ardour of my senses,
my imagination does not take such a high flight, and I think
differently. I am conscious that my beautiful nun sinned against womanly
reserve and modesty, the two most beautiful appanages of the fair sex,
but if that unique, or at least rare, woman was guilty of an
eccentricity which I then thought a virtue, she was at all events exempt
from that fearful venom called jealousy--an unhappy passion which
devours the miserable being who is labouring under it, and destroys the
love that gave it birth.
Two days afterwards, on the 4th of February, 1754, I had the supreme
felicity of finding myself again alone with my beloved mistress. She
wore the dress of a nun. As we both felt guilty, the moment we saw each
other, by a spontaneous movement, we fell both on our knees, folded in
each other's arms. We had both ill-treated Love; she had treated him
like a child, I had adored him after the fashion of a Jansenist. But
where could we have found the proper language for the excuses we had to
address to each other for the mutual forgiveness we had to entreat and
to grant? Kisses--that mute, yet expressive language, that delicate,
voluptuous contact which sends sentiment coursing rapidly through the
veins, which expresses at the same time the feeling of the heart and the
impressions of the mind--that language was the only one we had recourse
to, and without having uttered one syllable, dear reader, oh, how well
we agreed!
Both overwhelmed with emotion, longing to give one another some proofs
of the sincerity of our reconciliation and of the ardent fire which was
consuming us, we rose without unclasping our arms, and falling (a most
amorous group!) on the nearest sofa, we remained there until the heaving
of a deep sigh which we would not have stopped, even if we had known
that it was to be the last!
Thus was completed our happy reconciliation, and the calm infused into
the soul by contentment, burst into a hearty laugh when we noticed that
I had kept on my cloak and my mask. After we had enjoyed our mirth, I
unmasked myself, and I asked her whether it was quite true that no one
had witnessed our reconciliation.
She took up one of the candlesticks, and seizing my hand:
"Come," she said.
She led me to the other end of the room, before a large cupboard which I
had already suspected of containing the secret. She opened it, and when
she had moved a sliding plank I saw a door through which we entered a
pretty closet furnished with everything necessary to a person wishing to
pass a few hours there. Near the sofa was a sliding panel. M---- M----
removed it, and through twenty holes placed at a distance from each
other I saw every part of the room in which nature and love had
performed for our curious friend a play in six acts, during which I did
not think he had occasion to be dissatisfied with the actors.
"Now," said M---- M----, "I am going to satisfy the curiosity which you
were prudent enough not to trust to paper."
"But you cannot guess...."
"Silence, dearest! Love would not be of divine origin did he not possess
the faculty of divination. He knows all, and here is the proof. Do you
not wish to know whether my friend was with me during the fatal night
which has cost me so many tears?"
"You have guessed rightly."
"Well, then, he was with me, and you must not be angry, for you then
completed your conquest of him. He admired your character, your love,
your sentiments, your honesty. He could not help expressing his
astonishment at the rectitude of my instinct, or his approval of the
passion I felt for you. It was he who consoled me in the morning
assuring me that you would certainly come back to me as soon as you knew
my real feelings, the loyalty of my intentions and my good faith."
"But you must often have fallen asleep, for unless excited by some
powerful interest, it is impossible to pass eight hours in darkness and
in silence."
"We were moved by the deepest interest: besides, we were in darkness
only when we kept these holes open. The plank was on during our supper,
and we were listening in religious silence to your slightest whisper.
The interest which kept my friend awake was perhaps greater than mine.
He told me that he never had had before a better opportunity of studying
the human heart, and that you must have passed the most painful night.
He truly pitied you. We were delighted with C---- C----, for it is
indeed wonderful that a young girl of fifteen should reason as she did
to justify my conduct, without any other weapons but those given her by
nature and truth; she must have the soul of an angel. If you ever marry
her, you will have the most heavenly wife. I shall of course feel
miserable if I lose her, but your happiness will make amends for all. Do
you know, dearest, that I cannot understand how you could fall in love
with me after having known her, any more than I can conceive how she
does not hate me ever since she has discovered that I have robbed her of
your heart. My dear C---- C---- has truly something divine in her
disposition. Do you know why she confided to you her barren loves with
me? Because, as she told me herself, she wished to ease her conscience,
thinking that she was in some measure unfaithful to you."
"Does she think herself bound to be entirely faithful to me, with the
knowledge she has now of my own unfaithfulness?"
"She is particularly delicate and conscientious, and though she believes
herself truly your wife, she does not think that she has any right to
control your actions, but she believes herself bound to give you an
account of all she does."
"Noble girl!"
The prudent wife of the door-keeper having brought the supper, we sat
down to the well-supplied table. M---- M---- remarked that I had become
much thinner.
"The pains of the body do not fatten a man," I said, "and the sufferings
of the mind emaciate him. But we have suffered sufficiently, and we must
be wise enough never to recall anything which can be painful to us."
"You are quite right, my love; the instants that man is compelled to
give up to misfortune or to suffering are as many moments stolen from
his life, but he doubles his existence when he has the talent of
multiplying his pleasures, no matter of what nature they may be."
We amused ourselves in talking over past dangers, Pierrot's disguise,
and the ball at Briati, where she had been told that another Pierrot had
made his appearance.
M---- M---- wondered at the extraordinary effect of a disguise, for,
said she to me:
"The Pierrot in the parlour of the convent seemed to me taller and
thinner than you. If chance had not made you take the convent gondola,
if you had not had the strange idea of assuming the disguise of Pierrot,
I should not have known who you were, for my friends in the convent
would not have been interested in you. I was delighted when I heard that
you were not a patrician, as I feared, because, had you been one, I
might in time have run some great danger."
I knew very well what she had to fear, but pretending complete
ignorance:
"I cannot conceive," I said, "what danger you might run on account of my
being a patrician."
"My darling, I cannot speak to you openly, unless you give me your word
to do what I am going to ask you."
"How could I hesitate, my love, in doing anything to please you,
provided my honour is not implicated? Have we not now everything in
common? Speak, idol of my heart, tell me your reasons, and rely upon my
love; it is the guarantee of my ready compliance in everything that can
give you pleasure:"
"Very well. I want you to give a supper in your casino to me and my
friend, who is dying to make your acquaintance."
"And I foresee that after supper you will leav
the memories of casanova 127
Now that age has whitened my hair and deadened the ardour of my senses,
my imagination does not take such a high flight, and I think
differently. I am conscious that my beautiful nun sinned against womanly
reserve and modesty, the two most beautiful appanages of the fair sex,
but if that unique, or at least rare, woman was guilty of an
eccentricity which I then thought a virtue, she was at all events exempt
from that fearful venom called jealousy--an unhappy passion which
devours the miserable being who is labouring under it, and destroys the
love that gave it birth.
Two days afterwards, on the 4th of February, 1754, I had the supreme
felicity of finding myself again alone with my beloved mistress. She
wore the dress of a nun. As we both felt guilty, the moment we saw each
other, by a spontaneous movement, we fell both on our knees, folded in
each other's arms. We had both ill-treated Love; she had treated him
like a child, I had adored him after the fashion of a Jansenist. But
where could we have found the proper language for the excuses we had to
address to each other for the mutual forgiveness we had to entreat and
to grant? Kisses--that mute, yet expressive language, that delicate,
voluptuous contact which sends sentiment coursing rapidly through the
veins, which expresses at the same time the feeling of the heart and the
impressions of the mind--that language was the only one we had recourse
to, and without having uttered one syllable, dear reader, oh, how well
we agreed!
Both overwhelmed with emotion, longing to give one another some proofs
of the sincerity of our reconciliation and of the ardent fire which was
consuming us, we rose without unclasping our arms, and falling (a most
amorous group!) on the nearest sofa, we remained there until the heaving
of a deep sigh which we would not have stopped, even if we had known
that it was to be the last!
Thus was completed our happy reconciliation, and the calm infused into
the soul by contentment, burst into a hearty laugh when we noticed that
I had kept on my cloak and my mask. After we had enjoyed our mirth, I
unmasked myself, and I asked her whether it was quite true that no one
had witnessed our reconciliation.
She took up one of the candlesticks, and seizing my hand:
"Come," she said.
She led me to the other end of the room, before a large cupboard which I
had already suspected of containing the secret. She opened it, and when
she had moved a sliding plank I saw a door through which we entered a
pretty closet furnished with everything necessary to a person wishing to
pass a few hours there. Near the sofa was a sliding panel. M---- M----
removed it, and through twenty holes placed at a distance from each
other I saw every part of the room in which nature and love had
performed for our curious friend a play in six acts, during which I did
not think he had occasion to be dissatisfied with the actors.
"Now," said M---- M----, "I am going to satisfy the curiosity which you
were prudent enough not to trust to paper."
"But you cannot guess...."
"Silence, dearest! Love would not be of divine origin did he not possess
the faculty of divination. He knows all, and here is the proof. Do you
not wish to know whether my friend was with me during the fatal night
which has cost me so many tears?"
"You have guessed rightly."
"Well, then, he was with me, and you must not be angry, for you then
completed your conquest of him. He admired your character, your love,
your sentiments, your honesty. He could not help expressing his
astonishment at the rectitude of my instinct, or his approval of the
passion I felt for you. It was he who consoled me in the morning
assuring me that you would certainly come back to me as soon as you knew
my real feelings, the loyalty of my intentions and my good faith."
"But you must often have fallen asleep, for unless excited by some
powerful interest, it is impossible to pass eight hours in darkness and
in silence."
"We were moved by the deepest interest: besides, we were in darkness
only when we kept these holes open. The plank was on during our supper,
and we were listening in religious silence to your slightest whisper.
The interest which kept my friend awake was perhaps greater than mine.
He told me that he never had had before a better opportunity of studying
the human heart, and that you must have passed the most painful night.
He truly pitied you. We were delighted with C---- C----, for it is
indeed wonderful that a young girl of fifteen should reason as she did
to justify my conduct, without any other weapons but those given her by
nature and truth; she must have the soul of an angel. If you ever marry
her, you will have the most heavenly wife. I shall of course feel
miserable if I lose her, but your happiness will make amends for all. Do
you know, dearest, that I cannot understand how you could fall in love
with me after having known her, any more than I can conceive how she
does not hate me ever since she has discovered that I have robbed her of
your heart. My dear C---- C---- has truly something divine in her
disposition. Do you know why she confided to you her barren loves with
me? Because, as she told me herself, she wished to ease her conscience,
thinking that she was in some measure unfaithful to you."
"Does she think herself bound to be entirely faithful to me, with the
knowledge she has now of my own unfaithfulness?"
"She is particularly delicate and conscientious, and though she believes
herself truly your wife, she does not think that she has any right to
control your actions, but she believes herself bound to give you an
account of all she does."
"Noble girl!"
The prudent wife of the door-keeper having brought the supper, we sat
down to the well-supplied table. M---- M---- remarked that I had become
much thinner.
"The pains of the body do not fatten a man," I said, "and the sufferings
of the mind emaciate him. But we have suffered sufficiently, and we must
be wise enough never to recall anything which can be painful to us."
"You are quite right, my love; the instants that man is compelled to
give up to misfortune or to suffering are as many moments stolen from
his life, but he doubles his existence when he has the talent of
multiplying his pleasures, no matter of what nature they may be."
We amused ourselves in talking over past dangers, Pierrot's disguise,
and the ball at Briati, where she had been told that another Pierrot had
made his appearance.
M---- M---- wondered at the extraordinary effect of a disguise, for,
said she to me:
"The Pierrot in the parlour of the convent seemed to me taller and
thinner than you. If chance had not made you take the convent gondola,
if you had not had the strange idea of assuming the disguise of Pierrot,
I should not have known who you were, for my friends in the convent
would not have been interested in you. I was delighted when I heard that
you were not a patrician, as I feared, because, had you been one, I
might in time have run some great danger."
I knew very well what she had to fear, but pretending complete
ignorance:
"I cannot conceive," I said, "what danger you might run on account of my
being a patrician."
"My darling, I cannot speak to you openly, unless you give me your word
to do what I am going to ask you."
"How could I hesitate, my love, in doing anything to please you,
provided my honour is not implicated? Have we not now everything in
common? Speak, idol of my heart, tell me your reasons, and rely upon my
love; it is the guarantee of my ready compliance in everything that can
give you pleasure:"
"Very well. I want you to give a supper in your casino to me and my
friend, who is dying to make your acquaintance."
"And I foresee that after supper you will leave me to go with him."
"You must feel that propriety compels me to do so."
"Your friend already knows, I suppose, who I am?"
"I thought it was right to tell him, because if I had not told him he
could not have entertained the hope of supping with you, and especially
at your house."
"I understand. I guess your friend is one of the foreign ambassadors."
"Precisely."
"But may I hope that he will so far honour me as to throw up his
incognito?"
"That is understood. I shall introduce him to you according to accepted
forms, telling his name and his political position."
"Then it is all for the best, darling. How could you suppose that I
would have any difficulty in procuring you that pleasure, when on the
contrary, nothing could please me more myself? Name the day, and be
quite certain that I shall anxiously look for it."
"I should have been sure of your compliance, if you had not given me
cause to doubt it.""It is a home-thrust, but I deserve it."e me to go with him."
"You must feel that propriety compels me to do so."
"Your friend already knows, I suppose, who I am?"
"I thought it was right to tell him, because if I had not told him he
could not have entertained the hope of supping with you, and especially
at your house."
"I understand. I guess your friend is one of the foreign ambassadors."
"Precisely."
"But may I hope that he will so far honour me as to throw up his
incognito?"
"That is understood. I shall introduce him to you according to accepted
forms, telling his name and his political position."
"Then it is all for the best, darling. How could you suppose that I
would have any difficulty in procuring you that pleasure, when on the
contrary, nothing could please me more myself? Name the day, and be
quite certain that I shall anxiously look for it."
"I should have been sure of your compliance, if you had not given me
cause to doubt it.""It is a home-thrust, but I deserve it."
댓글 없음:
댓글 쓰기