the memories of casanova 131

the memories of casanova 131

She thought she would bring back my spirits by giving me the fullest

particulars of the night she had passed with C---- C---- and her friend,

but she ought to have guessed that she was going the wrong way. That is

a very common error, it comes from the mind, because people imagine that

what they feel themselves others must feel likewise.

 

I was on thorns, and I tried everything to avoid that subject, and to

lead the conversation into a different channel, for the amorous

particulars, on which she was dwelling with apparent delight, vexed me

greatly, and spite causing coldness, I was afraid of not playing my part

very warmly in the amorous contest which was at hand. When a lover

doubts his own strength, he may almost always be sure that he will fail

in his efforts.

 

After supper we went to bed in the alcove, where the beauty, the mental

and physical charms, the grace and the ardour of my lovely nun, cast all

my bad temper to the winds, and soon restored me to my usual good-

spirits. The nights being shorter we spent two hours in the most

delightful pleasures, and then parted, satisfied and full of love.

 

Before leaving, M---- M---- asked me to go to her casino, to take some

money and to play, taking her for my partner. I did so. I took all the

gold I found, and playing the martingale, and doubling my stakes

continuously, I won every day during the remainder of the carnival. I

was fortunate enough never to lose the sixth card, and, if I had lost

it, I should have been without money to play, for I had two thousand

sequins on that card. I congratulated myself upon having increased the

treasure of my dear mistress, who wrote to me that, for the sake of

civility, we ought to have a supper 'en partie carree' on Shrove Monday.

I consented.

 

That supper was the last I ever had in my life with C---- C----. She was

in excellent spirits, but I had made up my mind, and as I paid all my

attentions to M---- M----, C---- C---- imitated my example without

difficulty, and she devoted herself wholly to her new lover.

 

Foreseeing that we would, a little later, be all of us in each other's

way, I begged M---- M---- to arrange everything so that we could be

apart, and she contrived it marvellously well.

 

After supper, the ambassador proposed a game of faro, which our beauties

did not know; he called for cards, and placed one hundred Louis on the

table before him; he dealt, and took care to make C---- C---- win the

whole of that sum. It was the best way to make her accept it as pin-

money. The young girl, dazzled by so much gold, and not knowing what to

do with it, asked her friend to take care of it for her until such time

as she should leave the convent to get married.

 

When the game was over, M---- M---- complained of a headache, and said

that she would go to bed in the alcove: she asked me to come and lull

her to sleep. We thus left the new lovers free to be as gay as they

chose. Six hours afterwards, when the alarum warned us that it was time

to part, we found them asleep in each other's embrace. I had myself

passed an amorous and quiet night, pleased with M---- M----, and with

out giving one thought to C---- C----.

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER XXII

 

 

M. De Bernis Goes Away Leaving Me the Use of His Casino--His Good

Advice: How I Follow It--Peril of M. M. and Myself--Mr. Murray, the

English Ambassador--Sale of the Casino and End of Our Meetings--Serious

Illness of M. M.--Zorzi and Condulmer--Tonnie

 

Though the infidelities of C---- C---- made me look at her with other

eyes than before, and I had now no intention of making her the companion

of my life, I could not help feeling that it had rested with me to stop

her on the brink of the stream, and I therefore considered it my duty

always to be her friend.

 

If I had been more logical, the resolution I took with respect to her

would doubtless have been of another kind. I should have said to myself:

After seducing her, I myself have set the example of infidelity; I have

bidden her to follow blindly the advice of her friend, although I knew

that the advice and the example of M---M---- would end in her ruin; I

had insulted, in the most grievous manner, the delicacy of my mistress,

and that before her very eyes, and after all this how could I ask a weak

woman to do what a man, priding himself on his strength, would shrink

from at tempting? I should have stood self-condemned, and have felt that

it was my duty to remain the same to her, but flattering myself that I

was overcoming mere prejudices, I was in fact that most degraded of

slaves, he who uses his strength to crush the weak.

 

The day after Shrove Tuesday, going to the casino of Muran, I found

there a letter from M---- M----, who gave me two pieces of bad news:

that C---- C---- had lost her mother, and that the poor girl was in

despair; and that the lay-sister, whose rheum was cured, had returned to

take her place. Thus C---- C---- was deprived of her friend at a time

when she would have given her consolation, of which she stood in great

need. C---- C----, it seemed, had gone to share the rooms of her aunt,

who, being very fond of her, had obtained permission from the superior.

This circumstance would prevent the ambassador taking any more suppers

with her, and I should have been delighted if chance had put this

obstacle in his path a few days sooner.

 

All these misfortunes seemed of small account com pared with what I was

afraid of, for C---- C---- might have to pay the price for her

pleasures, and I so far regarded myself as the origin of her unhappiness

as to feel bound never to abandon her, and this might have involved me

in terrible complications.

 

M---- M---- asked me to sup with her and her lover on the following

Monday. I went and found them both sad--he for the loss of his new

mistress, and she because she had no longer a friend to make the

seclusion of the convent pleasant.

 

About midnight M. de Bemis left us, saying in a melancholy manner that

he feared he should be obliged to pass several months in Vienna on

important diplomatic business. Before parting we agreed to sup together

every Friday.

 

When we were alone M---- M---- told me that the ambassador would be

obliged to me if in the future I would come to the casino two hours

later. I understood that the good-natured and witty profligate had a

very natural prejudice against indulging his amorous feelings except

when he was certain of being alone.

 

M. de Bemis came to all our suppers till he left for Vienna, and always

went away at midnight. He no longer made use of his hiding-place, partly

because we now only lay in the recess, and partly because, having had

time to make love before my arrival, his desires were appeased. M---- M-

--- always found me amorous. My love, indeed, was even hotter than it

had been, since, only seeing her once a week and remaining faithful to

her, I had always an abundant harvest to gather in. C---- C----'s

letters which she brought to me softened me to tears, for she said that

after the loss of her mother she could not count upon the friendship of

any of her relations. She called me her sole friend, her only protector,

and in speaking of her grief in not being able to see me any more whilst

she remained in the convent, she begged me to remain faithful to her

dear friend.

 

On Good Friday, when I got to the casino, I found the lovers over-

whelmed with grief. Supper was served, but the ambassador, downcast and

absent, neither ate nor spoke; and M---- M---- was like a statue that

moves at intervals by some mechanism. Good sense and ordinary politeness

prevented me from asking any questions, but on M---- M---- leaving us

together, M. de Bemis told me that she was distressed, and with reason,

since he was obliged to set out for Vienna fifteen days after Easter. "I

may tell you confidentially," he added, "that I believe I shall scarcely

be able to return, but she must not be told, as she would be in

despair." M---- M---- came back in a few minutes, but it was easy to see

that she had been weeping.

 

After some commonplace conversation, M. de Bernis, seeing M---- M----

still low-spirited, said,

 

"Do not grieve thus, sweetheart, go I must, but my return is a matter of

equal certainty when I have finished the important business which

summons me to Vienna. You will still have the casino, but, dearest, both

friendship and prudence make me advise you not to come here in my

absence, for after I have left Venice I cannot depend upon the faith of

the gondoliers in my service, and I suspect our friend here cannot

flatter himself on his ability to get reliable ones. I may also tell you

that I have strong reasons for suspecting that our intercourse is known

to the State Inquisitors, who conceal their knowledge for political

reasons, but I fancy the secret would soon come to light when I am no

longer here, and when the nun who connives at your departure from the

convent knows that it is no longer for me that you leave it. The only

people whom I would trust are the housekeeper and his wife. I shall

order them, before I go, to look upon our friend here as myself, and you

can make your arrangements with them. I trust all will go well till my

return, if you will only behave discreetly. I will write to you under

cover of the housekeeper, his wife will give you my letters as before,

and in the same way you may reply. I must needs go, dearest one, but my

heart is with you, and I leave you, till my return, in the hands of a

friend, whom I rejoice to have known. He loves you, he has a heart and

knowledge of the world, and he will not let you make any mistakes."

 

M---- M---- was so affected by what the ambassador had said that she

entreated us to let her go, as she wished to be alone and to lie down.

As she went we agreed to sup together on the following Thursday.

 

As soon as we were alone the ambassador impressed me with the absolute

necessity of concealing from her that he was going to return no more. "I

am going," said he, "to work in concert with the Austrian cabinet on a

treaty which will be the talk of Europe. I entreat you to write to me

unreservedly, and as a friend, and if you love our common mistress, have

a care for her honour, and above all have the strength of mind to resist

all projects which are certain to involve you in misfortune, and which

will be equally fatal to both. You know what happened to Madame de Riva,

a nun in the convent of St.----. She had to disappear after it became

known that she was with child, and M. de Frulai, my predecessor, went

mad, and died shortly after. J. J. Rousseau told me that he died of

poison, but he is a visionary who sees the black side of everything. For

my part, I believe that he died of grief at not being able to do

anything for the unfortunate woman, who afterwards procured a

dispensation from her vows from the Pope, and having got married is now

living at Padua without any position in society.

 

"Let the prudent and loyal friend master the lover: go and see M---- M--

-- sometimes in the parlour of the convent, but not here, or the boatmen

will betray you. The knowledge which we both have that the girls are in

a satisfactory condition is a great alleviation to my distress, but you

must confess that you have been very imprudent. You have risked a

terrible misfortune; consider the position you would have been in, for I

am sure you would not have abandoned her. She had an idea that the

danger might be overcome by means of drugs but I convinced her that she

was mistaken. In God's name, be discreet in the future, and write to me

fully, for I shall always be interested in her fate, both from duty and sentiment."