the memories of casanova 130

the memories of casanova 130

Of course I did not refuse. M---- M---- unlaced her friend, who made no

resistance, and performing afterwards the same office upon herself, in

less than two minutes I was admiring four rivals contending for the

golden apple like the three goddesses, and which would have set at

defiance the handsome Paris himself to adjudge the prize without

injustice. Need I say what an ardent fire that ravishing sight sent

coursing through my veins? I placed immediately an the table the

Academie des Dames, and pointed out a certain position to M---- M----,

who, understanding my wishes, said to C---- C---- :

 

"Will you, darling, represent that group with me?"

 

A look of compliance was C---- C----'s only answer; she was not yet

inured to amorous pleasures as much as her lovely teacher. While I was

laughing with delight, the two friends were getting ready, and in a few

minutes we were all three in bed, and in a state of nature. At first,

satisfied with enjoying the sight of the barren contest of my two

bacchanalians, I was amused by their efforts and by the contrast of

colours, for one was dark and the other fair, but soon, excited myself,

and consumed by all the fire of voluptuousness, I threw myself upon

them, and I made them, one after the other, almost faint away from the

excess of love and enjoyment.

 

Worn out and satiated with pleasure, I invited them to take some rest.

We slept until we were awakened by the alarum, which I had taken care to

set at four o'clock. We were certain of turning to good account the two

hours we had then to spare before parting company, which we did at the

dawn of day, humiliated at having to confess our exhaustion, but highly

pleased with each other, and longing for a renewal of our delightful

pleasures.

 

The next day, however, when I came to think of that rather too lively

night, during which, as is generally the case, Love had routed Reason, I

felt some remorse. M---- M---- wanted to convince me of her love, and

for that purpose she had combined all the virtues which I attached to my

own affection--namely, honour, delicacy, and truth, but her temperament,

of which her mind was the slave, carried her towards excess, and she

prepared everything in order to give way to it, while she awaited the

opportunity of making me her accomplice. She was coaxing love to make it

compliant, and to succeed in mastering it, because her heart, enslaved

by her senses, never reproached her. She likewise tried to deceive

herself by endeavouring to forget that I might complain of having been

surprised. She knew that to utter such a complaint I would have to

acknowledge myself weaker or less courageous than she was, and she

relied upon my being ashamed to make such a confession. I had no doubt

whatever that the absence of the ambassador had been arranged and

concerted beforehand. I could see still further, for it seemed evident

to me that the two conspirators had foreseen that I would guess the

artifice, and that, feeling stung to the quick, in spite of all my

regrets, I would not shew myself less generous than they had been

themselves. The ambassador having first procured me a delightful night,

how could I refuse to let him enjoy as pleasant a one? My friends had

argued very well, for, in spite of all the objections of my mind, I saw

that I could not on my side put any obstacle in their way. C---- C----

was no impediment to them. They were certain of conquering her the

moment she was not hindered by my presence. It rested entirely with M---

- M----, who had perfect control over her. Poor girl! I saw her on the

high road to debauchery, and it was my own doing! I sighed when I

thought how little I had spared them in our last orgie, and what would

become of me if both of them should happen to be, by my doing, in such a

position as to be compelled to run away from the convent? I could

imagine both of them thrown upon my hands, and the prospect was not

particularly agreeable. It would be an 'embarras de richesse'. In this

miserable contest between reason and prejudice, between nature and

sentiment, I could not make up my mind either to go to the supper or to

remain absent from it. "If I go," said I to myself, "that night will

pass with perfect decency, but I shall prove myself very ridiculous,

jealous, ungrateful, and even wanting in common politeness: if I remain

absent, C---- C---- is lost, at least, in my estimation, for I feel that

my love will no longer exist, and then good-bye to all idea of a

marriage with her." In the perplexity of mind in which I found myself, I

felt a want of something more certain than mere probabilities to base my

decision upon. I put on my mask, and repaired to the mansion of the

French ambassador. I addressed myself to the gate-keeper, saying that I

had a letter for Versailles, and that I would thank him to deliver it to

the courier when he went back to France with his excellency's

dispatches.

 

"But, sir," answered the man, "we have not had a special courier for the

last two months:"

 

"What? Did not a special cabinet messenger arrive here last night?"

 

"Then he must have come in through the garret window or down the

chimney, for, on the word of an honest man, none entered through the

gate."

 

"But the ambassador worked all night?"

 

"That may be, sir, but not here, for his excellency dined with the

Spanish ambassador, and did not return till very late:"

 

I had guessed rightly. I could no longer entertain any doubt. It was all

over; I could not draw back without shame. C---- C---- must resist, if

the game was distasteful to her; no violence would of course be offered

to her. The die was cast!

 

Towards evening I went to the casino of Muran, and wrote a short note to

M---- M----, requesting her to excuse me if some important business of

M. de Bragadin's prevented me from spending the night with her and with

our two friends, to whom I sent my compliments as well as my apologies.

After that I returned to Venice, but in rather an unpleasant mood; to

divert myself I went to the gaming table, and lost all night.

 

Two days afterwards, being certain that a letter from M---- M----

awaited me at Muran, I went over, and the door-keeper handed me a parcel

in which I found a note from my nun and a letter from C---- C----, for

everything was now in common between them.

 

Here is C---- C----'s letter"

 

"We were very sorry, dearest friend, when we heard that we should not

have the happiness of seeing you. My dear M---- M----'s friend came

shortly afterwards, and when he read your note he likewise expressed his

deep regret. We expected to have a very dull supper, but the witty

sayings of that gentleman enlivened us and you cannot imagine of what

follies we were guilty after partaking of some champagne punch. Our

friend had become as gay as ourselves, and we spent the night in trios,

not very fatiguing, but very pleasant. I can assure you that that man

deserves to be loved, but he must acknowledge himself inferior to you in

everything. Believe me, dearest, I shall ever love you, and you must for

ever remain the master of my heart."

 

In spite of all my vexation, that letter made me laugh, but the note of

M---- M---- was much more singular. Here are the contents of it:

 

"I am certain, my own beloved, that you told a story out of pure

politeness, but you had guessed that I expected you to do so. You have

made our friend a splendid present in exchange for the one he made you

when he did not object to his M---- M---- bestowing her heart upon you.

You possess that heart entirely, dearest, and you would possess it under

all circumstances, but how sweet it is to flavour the pleasures of love

with the charms of friendship! I was sorry not to see you, but I knew

that if you had come we would not have had much enjoyment; for our

friend, notwithstanding all his wit, is not exempt from some natural

prejudices. As for C---- C----, her mind is now quite as free of them as

our own, and I am glad she owes it to me. You must feel thankful to me

for having completed her education, and for rendering her in every way

worthy of you. I wish you had been hiding in the closet, where I am

certain you would have spent some delightful hours. On Wednesday next I

shall be yours, and all alone with you in your casino in Venice; let me

know whether you will be at the usual hour near the statue of the hero

Colleoni. In case you should be prevented, name any other day."

 

I had to answer those two letters in the same spirit in which they had

been written, and in spite of all the bitter feelings which were then

raging in my heart, my answers were to be as sweet as honey. I was in

need of great courage, but I said to myself: "George Dandin, tu las

voulu!" I could not refuse to pay the penalty of my own deeds, and I

have never been able to ascertain whether the shame I felt was what is

called shamefacedness. It is a problem which I leave to others.

 

In my letter to C---- C---- I had the courage, or the effrontery, to

congratulate her, and to encourage her to imitate M---- M----, the best

model, I said, I could propose to her.

 

I wrote to my nun that I would be punctual at the appointment near the

statue, and amidst many false compliments, which ought to have betrayed

the true state of my heart, I told her that I admired the perfect

education she had given to C---- C----, but that I congratulated myself

upon having escaped the torture I should have suffered in the mysterious

observatory, for I felt that I could not have borne it.

 

On the Wednesday I was punctual at the rendezvous, and I had not to wait

long for M---- M----, who came disguised in male attire. "No theatre to-

night," she said to me; "let us go to the 'ridotto', to lose or double

our money." She had six hundred sequins. I had about one hundred.

Fortune turned her back upon us, and we lost all. I expected that we

would then leave that cutthroat place, but M---- M----, having left me

for a minute, came back with three hundred sequins which had been given

to her by her friend, whom she knew where to find. That money given by

love or by friendship brought her luck for a short time, and she soon

won back all we had lost, but in our greediness or imprudence we

continued to play, and finally we lost our last sequin.

 

When we could play no longer, M---- M---- said to me,

 

"Now that we need not fear thieves, let us go to our supper."

 

That woman, religious and a Free-thinker, a libertine and gambler, was

wonderful in all she did. She had just lost five hundred pounds, and she

was as completely at her ease as if she had won a very large sum. It is

true that the money she had just lost had not cost her much.

 

As soon as we were alone, she found me sad and low-spirited, although I

tried hard not to appear so, but, as for her, always the same, she was handsome, brilliant, cheerful, and amorous.