the memories of casanova 124

the memories of casanova 124

I had to take a decision, for I could not pass the whole night in my

costume of Pierrot, and without speaking. At first I thought of going

away, the more so that both C---- C---- and her friend could not be

certain that I and Pierrot were the same individual, but I soon

abandoned the idea with horror, thinking of the deep sorrow which would

fill the loving soul of C---- C---- if she ever heard I was the Pierrot.

I almost fancied that she knew it already, and I shared the grief which

she evidently would feel in that case. I had seduced her. I had given

her the right to call me her husband. These thoughts broke my heart.

 

If M---- M---- is in the closet, said I to myself, she will shew herself

in good time. With that idea, I took off the gauze which covered my

features. My lovely C---- C---- gave a deep sigh, and said:

 

"I breathe again! it could not be anyone but you, my heart felt it. You

seemed surprised when you saw me, dearest; did you not know that I was

waiting for you?"

 

"I had not the faintest idea of it."

 

"If you are angry, I regret it deeply, but I am innocent."

 

"My adored friend, come to my arms, and never suppose that I can be

angry with you. I am delighted to see you; you are always my dear wife:

but I entreat you to clear up a cruel doubt, for you could never have

betrayed my secret."

 

"I! I would never have been guilty of such a thing, even if death had

stared me in the face."

 

"Then, how did you come here? How did your friend contrive to discover

everything? No one but you could tell her that I am your husband. Laura

perhaps....'

 

"No, Laura is faithful, dearest, and I cannot guess how it was."

 

"But how could you be persuaded to assume that disguise, and to come

here? You can leave the convent, and you have never apprised me of that

important circumstance."

 

"Can you suppose that I would not have told you all about it, if I had

ever left the convent, even once? I came out of it two hours ago, for

the first time, and I was induced to take that step in the simplest, the

most natural manner."

 

"Tell me all about it, my love. I feel extremely curious."

 

"I am glad of it, and I would conceal nothing from you. You know how

dearly M---- M---- and I love each other. No intimacy could be more

tender than ours; you can judge of it by what I told you in my letters.

Well, two days ago, my dear friend begged the abbess and my aunt to

allow me to sleep in her room in the place of the lay-sister, who,

having a very bad cold, had carried her cough to the infirmary. The

permission was granted, and you cannot imagine our pleasure in seeing

ourselves at liberty, for the first time, to sleep in the same bed. To-

day, shortly after you had left the parlour, where you so much amused

us, without our discovering that the delightful Pierrot was our friend,

my dear M---- M---- retired to her room and I followed her. The moment

we were alone she told me that she wanted me to render her a service

from which depended our happiness. I need not tell you how readily I

answered that she had only to name it. Then she opened a drawer, and

much to my surprise she dressed me in this costume. She was laughing;

and I did the same without suspecting the end of the joke. When she saw

me entirely metamorphosed into a nun, she told me that she was going to

trust me with a great secret, but that she entertained no fear of my

discretion. 'Let me tell you, clearest friend,' she said to me, 'that I

was on the point of going out of the convent, to return only tomorrow

morning. I have, however, just decided that you shall go instead. You

have nothing to fear and you do not require any instructions, because I

know that you will meet with no difficulty. In an hour, a lay-sister

will come here, I will speak a few words apart to her, and she will tell

you to follow her. You will go out with her through the small gate and

across the garden as far as the room leading out to the low shore. There

you will get into the gondola, and say to the gondolier these words: 'To

the casino.' You will reach it in five minutes; you will step out and

enter a small apartment, where you will find a good fire; you will be

alone, and you will wait.' 'For whom? I enquired. 'For nobody. You need

not know any more: you may only be certain that nothing unpleasant will

happen to you; trust me for that. You will sup at the casino, and sleep,

if you like, without being disturbed. Do not ask any questions, for I

cannot answer them. Such is, my dear husband, the whole truth. Tell me

now what I could do after that speech of my friend, and after she had

received my promise to do whatever she wished. Do not distrust what I

tell you, for my lips cannot utter a falsehood. I laughed, and not

expecting anything else but an agreeable adventure, I followed the lay-

sister and soon found myself here. After a tedious hour of expectation,

Pierrot made his appearance. Be quite certain that the very moment I saw

you my heart knew who it was, but a minute after I felt as if the

lightning had struck me when I saw you step back, for I saw clearly

enough that you did not expect to find me. Your gloomy silence

frightened me, and I would never have dared to be the first in breaking

it; the more so that, in spite of the feelings of my heart, I might have

been mistaken. The dress of Pierrot might conceal some other man, but

certainly no one that I could have seen in this place without horror.

Recollect that for the last eight months I have been deprived of the

happiness of kissing you, and now that you must be certain of my

innocence, allow me to congratulate you upon knowing this casino. You

are happy, and I congratulate you with all my heart. M---- M---- is,

after me, the only woman worthy of your love, the only one with whom I

could consent to share it. I used to pity you, but I do so no longer,

and your happiness makes me happy. Kiss me now."

 

I should have been very ungrateful, I should, even have been cruel, if I

had not then folded in my arms with the warmth of true love the angel of

goodness and beauty who was before me, thanks to the most wonderful

effort of friendship.

 

After assuring her that I no longer entertained any doubt of her

innocence, I told her that I thought the behaviour of her friend very

ambiguous. I said that, notwithstanding the pleasure I felt in seeing

her, the trick played upon me by her friend was a very bad one, that it

could not do otherwise than displease me greatly, because it was an

insult to me.

 

"I am not of your opinion," replied C---- C----.

 

"My dear M---- M---- has evidently contrived, somehow or other, to

discover that, before you were acquainted with her, you were my lover.

She thought very likely that you still loved me, and she imagined, for I

know her well, that she could not give us a greater proof of her love

than by procuring us, without forewarning us, that which two lovers fond

of each other must wish for so ardently. She wished to make us happy,

and I cannot be angry with her for it."

 

"You are right to think so, dearest, but my position is very different

from yours. You have not another lover; you could not have another; but

I being free and unable to see you, have not found it possible to resist

the charms of M---- M----. I love her madly; she knows it, and,

intelligent as she is, she must have meant to shew her contempt for me

by doing what she has done. I candidly confess that I feel hurt in the

highest degree. If she loved me as I love her, she never could have sent

you here instead of coming herself."

 

"I do not think so, my beloved friend. Her soul is as noble as her heart

is generous; and just in the same manner that I am not sorry to know

that you love one another and that you make each other happy, as this

beautiful casino proves to me, she does not regret our love, and she is,

on the contrary, delighted to shew us that she approves of it. Most

likely she meant to prove that she loved you for your own sake, that

your happiness makes her happy, and that she is not jealous of her best

friend being her rival. To convince you that you ought not to be angry

with her for having discovered our secret, she proves, by sending me

here in her place, that she is pleased to see your heart divided between

her and me. You know very well that she loves me, and that I am often

either her wife or her husband, and as you do not object to my being

your rival and making her often as happy as I can, she does not want you

either to suppose that her love is like hatred, for the love of a

jealous heart is very much like it."

 

"You plead the cause of your friend with the eloquence of an angel, but,

dear little wife, you do not see the affair in its proper light. You

have intelligence and a pure soul, but you have not my experience. M----

M----'s love for me has been nothing but a passing fancy, and she knows

that I am not such an idiot as to be deceived by all this affair. I am

miserable, and it is her doing."

 

"Then I should be right if I complained of her also, because she makes

me feel that she is the mistress of my lover, and she shews me that,

after seducing him from me, she gives him back to me without difficulty.

Then she wishes me to understand that she despises also my tender

affection for her, since she places me in a position to shew that

affection for another person."

 

"Now, dearest, you speak without reason, for the relations between you

two are of an entirely different nature. Your mutual love is nothing but

trifling nonsense, mere illusion of the senses. The pleasures which you

enjoy together are not exclusive. To become jealous of one another it

would be necessary that one of you two should feel a similar affection

for another woman but M---- M---- could no more be angry at your having

a lover than you could be so yourself if she had one; provided, however,

that the lover should not belong to the other"

 

"But that is precisely our case, and you are mistaken. We are not angry

at your loving us both equally. Have I not written to you that I would

most willingly give you my place near M---- M----? Then you must believe

that I despise you likewise?"

 

"My darling, that wish of yours to give me up your place, when you did

not know that I was happy with M---- M----, arose from your friendship

rather than from your love, and for the present I must be glad to see

that your friendship is stronger than your love, but I have every reason

to be sorry when M---- M---- feels the same. I love her without any

possibility of marrying her. Do you understand me, dearest? As for you,

knowing that you must be my wife, I am certain of our love, which

practice will animate with new life. It is not the same with M---- M----

; that love cannot spring up again into existence. Is it not humiliating

for me to have inspired her with nothing but a passing fancy? I

understand your adoration for her very well. She has initiated you into

all her mysteries, and you owe her eternal friendship and everlasting

gratitude."

 

It was midnight, and we went on wasting our time in this desultory

conversation, when the prudent and careful servant brought us an

excellent supper. I could not touch anything, my heart was too full, but

my dear little wife supped with a good appetite. I could not help

laughing when I saw a salad of whites of eggs, and C---- C---- thought

it extraordinary because all the yolks had been removed. In her

innocence, she could not understand the intention of the person who had

ordered the supper. As I looked at her, I was compelled to acknowledge

that she had improved in beauty; in fact C---- C---- was remarkably

beautiful, yet I remained cold by her side. I have always thought that

there is no merit in being faithful to the person we truly love.

 

Two hours before day-light we resumed our seats near the fire, and C----

C----, seeing how dull I was, was delicately attentive to me. She

attempted no allurement, all her movements wore the stamp of the most

decent reserve, and her conversation, tender in its __EXPRESSION__s and

perfectly easy, never conveyed the shadow of a reproach for my coolness.