Lysistrata: Aristophanes 3

Lysistrata: Aristophanes 3

If I should take orders from one who wears veils, may my neck straightaway be deservedly wrung. LYSISTRATA O if that keeps pestering you, I've a veil here for your hair, I'll fit you out in everything As is only fair. CALONICE Here's a spindle that will do. MYRRHINE I'll add a wool-basket too. LYSISTRATA Girdled now sit humbly at home, Munching beans, while you card wool and comb. For war from now on is the Women's affair. WOMEN. Come then, down pitchers, all, And on, courageous of heart, In our comradely venture Each taking her due part. I could dance, dance, dance, and be fresher after, I could dance away numberless suns, To no weariness let my knees bend. Earth I could brave with laughter, Having such wonderful girls here to friend. O the daring, the gracious, the beautiful ones! Their courage unswerving and witty Will rescue our city. O sprung from the seed of most valiant-wombed grand-mothers, scions of savage and dangerous nettles! Prepare for the battle, all. Gird up your angers. Our way the wind of sweet victory settles. LYSISTRATA O tender Eros and Lady of Cyprus, some flush of beauty I pray you devise To flash on our bosoms and, O Aphrodite, rosily gleam on our valorous thighs! Joy will raise up its head through the legions warring and all of the far-serried ranks of mad-love Bristle the earth to the pillared horizon, pointing in vain to the heavens above. I think that perhaps then they'll give us our title-- Peace-makers. MAGISTRATE           What do you mean? Please explain. LYSISTRATA   First, we'll not see you now flourishing arms about into the     Marketing-place clang again. WOMEN   No, by the Paphian. LYSISTRATA Still I can conjure them as past were the herbs stand or crockery's sold Like Corybants jingling (poor sots) fully armoured, they noisily round on their promenade strolled. MAGISTRATE And rightly; that's discipline, they-- LYSISTRATA But what's sillier than to go on an errand of buying a fish Carrying along an immense. Gorgon-buckler instead the usual platter or dish? A phylarch I lately saw, mounted on horse-back, dressed for the part with long ringlets and all, Stow in his helmet the omelet bought steaming from an old woman who kept a food-stall. Nearby a soldier, a Thracian, was shaking wildly his spear like Tereus in the play, To frighten a fig-girl while unseen the ruffian filched from her fruit-trays the ripest away. MAGISTRATE How, may I ask, will your rule re-establish order and justice in lands so tormented? LYSISTRATA Nothing is easier. MAGISTRATE Out with it speedily--what is this plan that you boast you've invented? LYSISTRATA If, when yarn we are winding, It chances to tangle, then, as perchance you may know, through the skein This way and that still the spool we keep passing till it is finally clear all again: So to untangle the War and its errors, ambassadors out on all sides we will send This way and that, here, there and round about--soon you will find that the War has an end. MAGISTRATE So with these trivial tricks of the household, domestic analogies of threads, skeins and spools, You think that you'll solve such a bitter complexity, unwind such political problems, you fools! LYSISTRATA Well, first as we wash dirty wool so's to cleanse it, so with a pitiless zeal we will scrub Through the whole city for all greasy fellows; burrs too, the parasites, off we will rub. That verminous plague of insensate place-seekers soon between thumb and forefinger we'll crack. All who inside Athens' walls have their dwelling into one great common basket we'll pack. Disenfranchised or citizens, allies or aliens, pell-mell the lot of them in we will squeeze. Till they discover humanity's meaning.... As for disjointed and far colonies, Them you must never from this time imagine as scattered about just like lost hanks of wool. Each portion we'll take and wind in to this centre, inward to Athens each loyalty pull, Till from the vast heap where all's piled together at last can be woven a strong Cloak of State. MAGISTRATE How terrible is it to stand here and watch them carding and winding at will with our fate, Witless in war as they are. LYSISTRATA What of us then, who ever in vain for our children must weep Borne but to perish afar and in vain? MAGISTRATE Not that, O let that one memory sleep! LYSISTRATA Then while we should be companioned still merrily, happy as brides may, the livelong night, Kissing youth by, we are forced to lie single.... But leave for a moment our pitiful plight, It hurts even more to behold the poor maidens helpless wrinkling in staler virginity. MAGISTRATE Does not a man age? LYSISTRATA Not in the same way. Not as a woman grows withered, grows he. He, when returned from the war, though grey-headed, yet if he wishes can choose out a wife. But she has no solace save peering for omens, wretched and lonely the rest of her life. MAGISTRATE But the old man will often select-- LYSISTRATA O why not finish and die? A bier is easy to buy, A honey-cake I'll knead you with joy, This garland will see you are decked. CALONICE I've a wreath for you too. MYRRHINE I also will fillet you. LYSISTRATA What more is lacking? Step aboard the boat. See, Charon shouts ahoy. You're keeping him, he wants to shove afloat. MAGISTRATE Outrageous insults! Thus my place to flout! Now to my fellow-magistrates I'll go And what you've perpetrated on me show. LYSISTRATA Why are you blaming us for laying you out? Assure yourself we'll not forget to make The third day offering early for your sake. MAGISTRATE _retires_, LYSISTRATA _returns within_. OLD MEN. All men who call your loins your own, awake at last, arise And strip to stand in readiness. For as it seems to me Some more perilous offensive in their heads they now devise. I'm sure a Tyranny Like that of Hippias In this I detect.... They mean to put us under Themselves I suspect, And that Laconians assembling At Cleisthenes' house have played A trick-of-war and provoked them Madly to raid The Treasury, in which term I include The Pay for my food. For is it not preposterous They should talk this way to us On a subject such as battle! And, women as they are, about bronze bucklers dare prattle-- Make alliance with the Spartans--people I for one Like very hungry wolves would always most sincere shun.... Some dirty game is up their sleeve, I believe. A Tyranny, no doubt... but they won't catch me, that know. Henceforth on my guard I'll go, A sword with myrtle-branches wreathed for ever in my hand, And under arms in the Public Place I'll take my watchful stand, Shoulder to shoulder with Aristogeiton. Now my staff I'll draw And start at once by knocking that shocking Hag upon the jaw. WOMEN. Your own mother will not know you when you get back to the town. But first, my friends and allies, let us lay these garments down, And all ye fellow-citizens, hark to me while I tell What will aid Athens well. Just as is right, for I Have been a sharer In all the lavish splendour Of the proud city. I bore the holy vessels At seven, then I pounded barley At the age of ten, And clad in yellow robes, Soon after this, I was Little Bear to Brauronian Artemis; Then neckletted with figs, Grown tall and pretty, I was a Basket-bearer, And so it's obvious I should Give you advice that I think good, The very best I can. It should not prejudice my voice that I'm not born a man, If I say something advantageous to the present situation. For I'm taxed too, and as a toll provide men for the nation While, miserable greybeards, you, It is true, Contribute nothing of any importance whatever to our needs; But the treasure raised against the Medes You've squandered, and do nothing in return, save that you make Our lives and persons hazardous by some imbecile mistakes What can you answer? Now be careful, don't arouse my spite, Or with my slipper I'll take you napping, faces slapping Left and right. MEN. What villainies they contrive! Come, let vengeance fall, You that below the waist are still alive, Off with your tunics at my call-- Naked, all. For a man must strip to battle like a man. No quaking, brave steps taking, careless what's ahead, white shoed, in the nude, onward bold, All ye who garrisoned Leipsidrion of old.... Let each one wag As youthfully as he can, And if he has the cause at heart Rise at least a span. We must take a stand and keep to it, For if we yield the smallest bit To their importunity. Then nowhere from their inroads will be left to us immunity. But they'll be building ships and soon their navies will attack us, As Artemisia did, and seek to fight us and to sack us. And if they mount, the Knights they'll rob Of a job, For everyone knows how talented they all are in the saddle, Having long practised how to straddle; No matter how they're jogged there up and down, they're never thrown. Then think of Myron's painting, and each horse-backed Amazon In combat hand-to-hand with men.... Come, on these women fall, And in pierced wood-collars let's stick quick The necks of one and all. WOMEN. Don't cross me or I'll loose The Beast that's kennelled here.... And soon you will be howling for a truce, Howling out with fear. But my dear, Strip also, that women may battle unhindered.... But you, you'll be too sore to eat garlic more, or one black bean, I really mean, so great's my spleen, to kick you black and blue With these my dangerous legs. I'll hatch the lot of you, If my rage you dash on, The way the relentless Beetle Hatched the Eagle's eggs. Scornfully aside I set Every silly old-man threat While Lampito's with me. Or dear Ismenia, the noble Theban girl. Then let decree Be hotly piled upon decree; in vain will be your labours, You futile rogue abominated by your suffering neighbour To Hecate's feast I yesterday went-- Off I sent To our neighbours in Boeotia, asking as a gift to me For them to pack immediately That darling dainty thing ... a good fat eel [1] I meant of course; [Footnote 1:_Vide supra_, p. 23.] But they refused because some idiotic old decree's in force. O this strange passion for decrees nothing on earth can check, Till someone puts a foot out tripping you, and slipping you Break your neck. LYSISTRATA _enters in dismay_. WOMEN Dear Mistress of our martial enterprise, Why do you come with sorrow in your eyes? LYSISTRATA O 'tis our naughty femininity, So weak in one spot, that hath saddened me. WOMEN What's this? Please speak. LYSISTRATA Poor women, O so weak! WOMEN What can it be? Surely your friends may know. LYSISTRATA Yea, I must speak it though it hurt me so. WOMEN Speak; can we help? Don't stand there mute in need. LYSISTRATA I'll blurt it out then--our women's army's mutinied. WOMEN O Zeus! LYSISTRATA What use is Zeus to our anatomy? Here is the gaping calamity I meant: I cannot shut their ravenous appetites A moment more now. They are all deserting. The first I caught was sidling through the postern Close by the Cave of Pan: the next hoisting herself With rope and pulley down: a third on the point Of slipping past: while a fourth malcontent, seated For instant flight to visit Orsilochus On bird-back, I dragged off by the hair in time.... They are all snatching excuses to sneak home. Look, there goes one.... Hey, what's the hurry? 1ST WOMAN I must get home. I've some Milesian wool Packed wasting away, and moths are pushing through it. LYSISTRATA Fine moths indeed, I know. Get back within. 1ST WOMAN By the Goddesses, I'll return instantly. I only want to stretch it on my bed. LYSISTRATA You shall stretch nothing and go nowhere either. 1ST WOMAN Must I never use my wool then? LYSISTRATA If needs be. 2ND WOMAN How unfortunate I am! O my poor flax! It's left at home unstript. LYSISTRATA So here's another That wishes to go home and strip her flax. Inside again! 2ND WOMAN No, by the Goddess of Light, I'll be back as soon as I have flayed it properly. LYSISTRATA You'll not flay anything. For if you begin There'll not be one here but has a patch to be flayed. 3RD WOMAN O holy Eilithyia, stay this birth Till I have left the precincts of the place! LYSISTRATA What nonsense is this? 3RD WOMAN I'll drop it any minute. LYSISTRATA Yesterday you weren't with child. 3RD WOMAN But I am today. O let me find a midwife, Lysistrata. O quickly! LYSISTRATA Now what story is this you tell? What is this hard lump here? 3RD WOMAN It's a male child. LYSISTRATA By Aphrodite, it isn't. Your belly's hollow, And it has the feel of metal.... Well, I soon can see. You hussy, it's Athene's sacred helm, And you said you were with child. 3RD WOMAN And so I am. LYSISTRATA Then why the helm? 3RD WOMAN So if the throes should take me Still in these grounds I could use it like a dove As a laying-nest in which to drop the child. LYSISTRATA More pretexts! You can't hide your clear intent, And anyway why not wait till the tenth day Meditating a brazen name for your brass brat? WOMAN And I can't sleep a wink. My nerve is gone Since I saw that snake-sentinel of the shrine. WOMAN And all those dreadful owls with their weird hooting! Though I'm wearied out, I can't close an eye. LYSISTRATA You wicked women, cease from juggling lies. You want your men. But what of them as well? They toss as sleepless in the lonely night, I'm sure of it. Hold out awhile, hold out, But persevere a teeny-weeny longer. An oracle has promised Victory If we don't wrangle. Would you hear the words? WOMEN Yes, yes, what is it? LYSISTRATA Silence then, you chatterboxes. Here-- _Whenas the swallows flocking in one place from the hoopoes Deny themselves love's gambols any more, All woes shall then have ending and great Zeus the Thunderer Shall put above what was below before._ WOMEN Will the men then always be kept under us? LYSISTRATA _But if the swallows squabble among themselves and fly away Out of the temple, refusing to agree, Then The Most Wanton Birds in all the World They shall be named for ever. That's his decree._ WOMAN It's obvious what it means. LYSISTRATA                      Now by all the gods We must let no agony deter from duty, Back to your quarters. For we are base indeed, My friends, if we betray the oracle. _She goes out._ OLD MEN. I'd like to remind you of a fable they used to employ, When I was a little boy: How once through fear of the marriage-bed a young man, Melanion by name, to the wilderness ran, And there on the hills he dwelt. For hares he wove a net Which with his dog he set-- Most likely he's there yet. For he never came back home, so great was the fear he felt. I loathe the sex as much as he, And therefore I no less shall be As chaste as was Melanion. MAN Grann'am, do you much mind men? WOMAN Onions you won't need, to cry. MAN From my foot you shan't escape. WOMAN What thick forests I espy. MEN So much Myronides' fierce beard And thundering black back were feared, That the foe fled when they were shown-- Brave he as Phormion. WOMEN. Well, I'll relate a rival fable just to show to you A different point of view: There was a rough-hewn fellow, Timon, with a face That glowered as through a thorn-bush in a wild, bleak place. He too decided on flight, This very Furies' son, All the world's ways to shun And hide from everyone, Spitting out curses on all knavish men to left and right. But though he reared this hate for men, He loved the women even then, And never thought them enemies. WOMAN O your jaw I'd like to break. MAN That I fear do you suppose? WOMAN Learn what kicks my legs can make. MAN Raise them up, and you'll expose-- WOMAN Nay, you'll see there, I engage, All is well kept despite my age, And tended smooth enough to slip From any adversary's grip. LYSISTRATA _appears_. LYSISTRATA Hollo there, hasten hither to me Skip fast along. WOMAN What is this? Why the noise? LYSISTRATA A man, a man! I spy a frenzied man! He carries Love upon him like a staff. O Lady of Cyprus, and Cythera, and Paphos, I beseech you, keep our minds and hands to the oath. WOMAN Where is he, whoever he is? LYSISTRATA By the Temple of Chloe. WOMAN Yes, now I see him, but who can he be? LYSISTRATA Look at him. Does anyone recognise his face? MYRRHINE I do. He is my husband, Cinesias. LYSISTRATA You know how to work. Play with him, lead him on, Seduce him to the cozening-point--kiss him, kiss him, Then slip your mouth aside just as he's sure of it, Ungirdle every caress his mouth feels at Save that the oath upon the bowl has locked. MYRRHINE You can rely on me. LYSISTRATA I'll stay here to help In working up his ardor to its height Of vain magnificence.... The rest to their quarters. _Enter_ CINESIAS. Who is this that stands within our lines? CINESIAS I. LYSISTRATA A man? CINESIAS Too much a man! LYSISTRATA Then be off at once. CINESIAS Who are you that thus eject me? LYSISTRATA Guard for the day. CINESIAS By all the gods, then call Myrrhine hither. LYSISTRATA So, call Myrrhine hither! Who are you? CINESIAS I am her husband Cinesias, son of Anthros. LYSISTRATA Welcome, dear friend! That glorious name of yours Is quite familiar in our ranks. Your wife Continually has it in her mouth. She cannot touch an apple or an egg But she must say, "This to Cinesias!" CINESIAS O is that true? LYSISTRATA By Aphrodite, it is. If the conversation strikes on men, your wife Cuts in with, "All are boobies by Cinesias." CINESIAS Then call her here. LYSISTRATA And what am I to get? CINESIAS This, if you want it.... See, what I have here. But not to take away. LYSISTRATA Then I'll call her. CINESIAS Be quick, be quick. All grace is wiped from life Since she went away. O sad, sad am I When there I enter on that loneliness, And wine is unvintaged of the sun's flavour. And food is tasteless. But I've put on weight. MYRRHINE (_above_) I love him O so much! but he won't have it. Don't call me down to him. CINESIAS Sweet little Myrrhine! What do you mean? Come here. MYRRHINE O no I won't. Why are you calling me? You don't want me. CINESIAS Not want you! with this week-old strength of love. MYRRHINE Farewell. CINESIAS Don't go, please don't go, Myrrhine. At least you'll hear our child. Call your mother, lad. CHILD Mummy ... mummy ... mummy! CINESIAS There now, don't you feel pity for the child? He's not been fed or washed now for six days. MYRRHINE I certainly pity him with so heartless a father. CINESIAS Come down, my sweetest, come for the child's sake. MYRRHINE A trying life it is to be a mother! I suppose I'd better go.             _She comes down._ CINESIAS How much younger she looks, How fresher and how prettier! Myrrhine, Lift up your lovely face, your disdainful face; And your ankle ... let your scorn step out its worst; It only rubs me to more ardor here. MYRRHINE (_playing with the child_) You're as innocent as he's iniquitous. Let me kiss you, honey-petting, mother's darling. CINESIAS How wrong to follow other women's counsel And let loose all these throbbing voids in yourself As well as in me. Don't you go throb-throb? MYRRHINE Take away your hands. CINESIAS Everything in the house Is being ruined. MYRRHINE I don't care at all. CINESIAS The roosters are picking all your web to rags. Do you mind that? MYRRHINE Not I. CINESIAS What time we've wasted We might have drenched with Paphian laughter, flung On Aphrodite's Mysteries. O come here. MYRRHINE Not till a treaty finishes the war. CINESIAS If you must have it, then we'll get it done. MYRRHINE Do it and I'll come home. Till then I am bound. CINESIAS Well, can't your oath perhaps be got around? MYRRHINE No ... no ... still I'll not say that I don't love you. CINESIAS You love me! Then dear girl, let me also love you. MYRRHINE You must be joking. The boy's looking on. CINESIAS Here, Manes, take the child home!... There, he's gone. There's nothing in the way now. Come to the point. MYRRHINE Here in the open! In plain sight? CINESIAS In Pan's cave. A splendid place. MYRRHINE Where shall I dress my hair again Before returning to the citadel? CINESIAS You can easily primp yourself in the Clepsydra. MYRRHINE But how can I break my oath? CINESIAS Leave that to me, I'll take all risk. MYRRHINE Well, I'll make you comfortable. CINESIAS Don't worry. I'd as soon lie on the grass. MYRRHINE No, by Apollo, in spite of all your faults I won't have you lying on the nasty earth. (_From here MYRRHINE keeps on going off to fetch things._) CINESIAS Ah, how she loves me. MYRRHINE Rest there on the bench, While I arrange my clothes. O what a nuisance, I must find some cushions first. CINESIAS Why some cushions? Please don't get them! MYRRHINE What? The plain, hard wood? Never, by Artemis! That would be too vulgar. CINESIAS Open your arms! MYRRHINE No. Wait a second. CINESIAS O.... Then hurry back again. MYRRHINE Here the cushions are. Lie down while I--O dear! But what a shame, You need more pillows. CINESIAS I don't want them, dear. MYRRHINE But I do. CINESIAS Thwarted affection mine, They treat you just like Heracles at a feast With cheats of dainties, O disappointing arms! MYRRHINE Raise up your head. CINESIAS There, that's everything at last. MYRRHINE Yes, all. CINESIAS Then run to my arms, you golden girl.