The Choice Humorous Works, Ludicrous Adventures 26

The Choice Humorous Works, Ludicrous Adventures 26

Was no one from Croxteth there--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

No one from Croxteth there, ho?

--Oh, no--Lady Sefton

Would sooner have left town,

Both her and her daughters--than go----go,

Both her and her daughters--than go.

 

And had she no Commoners--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

Had she no Commoners, ho?

--I happen'd to look,

And could find in her book

Only Fergusson, Taylor, and Co.----Co.,

Fergusson, Taylor, and Co.

 

And had she no son-in-law--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

Had she no son-in-law, ho?

--Yes; time-serving Leopold,

A puppet that we uphold,

Though neither for use nor for show----show,

Neither for use nor for show.

 

And did they meet tenderly--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

Did they meet tenderly, ho?

--They were both so intent,

About taxes and rent,

That they never once thought of their woe----woe,

They never once thought of their woe.

 

And had she no Counsellors--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

Had she no Counsellors, ho?

--Yes; one Mr. Brougham,

Who sneak'd out of her room,

Pretending the Circuit to go----go,

Pretending the Circuit to go.

 

How fared he at Lancaster--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

How fared he at Lancaster, ho?

--They physick'd and bled,

And they blister'd his head,

And kept him uncommonly low----low,

And kept him uncommonly low.

 

Had she no solicitor--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

Had she no solicitor, ho?

--Yes, one Mr. Vizard,

Who, being no wizard,

She overboard hasten'd to throw----throw,

She overboard hasten'd to throw.

 

And has she two Chamberlains--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

Has she two Chamberlains, ho?

--Yes! both strapping fellows,

Would make a man jealous,

With whiskers as black as a crow----crow,

With whiskers as black as a crow.

 

And had she no beggar's brat--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

Had she no beggar's brat, ho?

--Yes, one, pale and silly,

Whom she calls Sir Billy;

But whose brat he is, I don't know----know,

But whose brat he is, I don't know.

 

And has she a Clergyman--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

Has she a Clergyman, ho?

--Yes, one Doctor Fellowes,

Who puffs like a bellows,

The coals of sedition to blow----blow,

The coals of sedition to blow.

 

And has she no General--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

Has she no General, ho?

--Yes, poor prating Wilson,

Who, if he e'er kills one,

'Tis more by a word than a blow----blow,

'Tis more by a word than a blow.

 

And has she a Banking-house--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

Has she a Banking-house, ho?

--When Coutts was unhandsome,

She shifted to Ransome,

To whom she does nothing but owe----owe,

To whom she does nothing but owe.

 

Has she a good table, Ma'am--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

Has she a good table, Ma'am, ho?

--There is one Mrs. Wilde,

Who her cook-maid is styled,

But they say that her soups are so-so----so,

They say that her soups are so-so.

 

And what are her drinkables--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

What are her drinkables, ho?

--It being but noon,

She said 'twas too soon

For any thing else but Noyeau----yeau,

Any thing else but Noyeau.

 

And has she a bed-fellow--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

Has she a bed-fellow, ho?

--I asked one Vassalli,

Who said, "Fi-donc, allez,

Ma chère, you no business to know----know,

You have no business to know."

 

How spent she her time abroad--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

How spent she her time abroad, ho?

--In hugging her valet,

And dancing a ballet,

And kissing Pope Pius's toe----toe,

Kissing Pope Pius's toe.

 

Was she at Jerusalem--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

Was she at Jerusalem, ho?

--She borrow'd an ass,

To ride on--but, alas!

She couldn't get donkey to go----go,

She couldn't get donkey to go.

 

What did she in Africa--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

What did she in Africa, ho?

--She set, at Algiers,

All the Turks by the ears,

Till they found she was fifty or so----so,

Till they found she was fifty or so.

 

What did she in Lombardy--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

What did she in Lombardy, ho?

--Her tradesmen she pilfer'd,

Bamboozled Lord Guilford,

And choused Marietti and Co.----Co.,

And choused Marietti and Co.

 

What did she at Napoli--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

What did she at Napoli, ho?

--With sorrow I speak it,

She went, mother--naked,

And laurell'd the bust of King Joe----Joe,

And laurell'd the bust of King Joe.

 

Will she have a drawing-room--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

Will she have a drawing-room, ho?

--Oh, yes, I presume,

That she might find a room,

If she could but find any to go----go,

If she could but find any to go.

 

Will she soon sail for Italy--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

Soon sail for Italy, ho?

--She'll go there no more,

Since what Barbara swore,

She fears German spies on the Po----Po,

She fears German spies on the Po.

 

Will she go to Switzerland--Heigh, Ma'am, ho, Ma'am?

Will she go to Switzerland, ho?

--She says that the Swiss,

Never tell when they kiss,

So she's all for the Paÿs de Vaud----Vaud,

She's all for the Paÿs de Vaud.

 

 

HUNTING THE HARE.

 

Would you hear of the triumph of purity?

Would you share in the joy of the Queen?

List to my song; and, in perfect security,

Witness a row where you durst not have been:

All kinds of Addresses,

From collars of S.S.'s

To venders of cresses,

Came up like a fair;

And all thro' September,

October, November,

And down to December,

They hunted this Hare!

 

First there appear'd, with the title of visitors,

Folks, whom of fair reputation they call,

Who, in good truth, and to candid inquisitors,

Seem to have no reputation at all,

The Woods', hen and chicken,

And Damer, moon-stricken,

And Russells, come thick in,

To greet the fat dame;

And the Duchess of Leinster,

(Well behaved while a spinster,)

With drabs of Westminster,

Now mixes her name!

 

Next, in great state, came the Countess of Tankerville,

With all the sons and the daughters she had;

Those who themselves are annoy'd by a canker vile,

Joy to discover another as bad:

So Lady Moll came on,

With _ci-devant_ Grammont,

And (awful as Ammon)

Her eloquent spouse!

And frothy Grey Bennett,

That very day se'nnight,

Went down in his dennett,

To Brandenburgh House.