The Choice Humorous Works, Ludicrous Adventures 41

The Choice Humorous Works, Ludicrous Adventures 41

The _zealous_ desire of possessing at all events this demi-human

personage, made Whittington quite careless of the consequences of his

blind bargain. He anticipated advantages to himself from exhibiting

her, which (probably from the apprehension of being laughed at) he

never ventured to mention to his nearest friends; a gentle hint on

the subject thrown out to his better and bigger half, was received

by her with all the rapture one might expect an obscure person to

express at the prospect of becoming notorious; for though certain it

is that Matthew's views and desires throughout the whole business

were untinctured by the smallest wish for _éclat_ or distinction, we

are not prepared to say that his wife might not have cast a longing

eye towards the Enchantress's banquets and gaieties, of which such

splendid accounts had been given, or that her ambition (for these

sort of people are ambitious in their sphere) might not have led her

to hope that by the aid of the great lady's magic, her daughter (who

had been some time on hand) might attain such an accession either of

real property or personal attraction, as might get her respectably

established in life.

 

For the means of carrying his plan into execution quietly and

securely, Matthew had recourse to a stratagem, which, although, under

the circumstances, perfectly fair, to him was eminently distressing,

for the exquisite sensibility with which he shrunk from anything like

disguise--equivocation--mis-statement, or deviation from the plain

fact, had obtained for him the appellation of honest Whittington;

and to maintain his claim to that honourable distinction, was the

constant effort of his life.

 

The stratagem which he adopted is stated to have been this:--It will

be recollected, that at the period of which we treat, the staple of

wool, leather, and lead was fixed at Calais whither all foreigners

were specially invited to traffic, and whence no English merchant

was permitted to export English goods. The intercourse between this

port and Dover at the first institution of this mart was frequent and

general. Thither went Whittington as on a mercantile speculation.

 

In the various histories of our hero considerable confusion appears

to have arisen at this point. The majority of the innumerable

authorities which I have quoted in my large work, I think bear me out

in declaring that Whittington actually saw his commodity before he

brought it to England, and that it assumed the appearance of a woman

in order to deceive him.

 

The difficulty of deciding arises from the improbability that a

great lady should so suddenly have abandoned the guidance of her

counsellors, who (as they were paid for it) were bound to give her

proper advice, and put herself under the care of a "feu Lord Maire;"

but that difficulty is met by the consideration that Matthew's

eloquence was very celebrated in his day, and that, as his mind was

set upon bringing over the prodigy, he doubtlessly exerted its whole

force and energy in representing to her the respectability which

would infallibly attach itself to her through the rest of her life,

from the circumstance of her having been brought into the capital of

England under the immediate protection of a man renowned as he was

both in his mercantile and political character, and whose important

station in the country was so well suited to the introduction of such

a personage.

 

Add to his arguments, his conduct on the occasion; and our surprise

at her complying with his wishes will be materially diminished.

Could a woman of sense and feeling refuse to throw herself into the

care of the man, who, with that wonderful intrepidity and almost

incredible presence of mind, which obtained for him the appellation

of the _brave_ Whittington, ventured his existence for upwards of

three hours and a half upon the water, and undertook a voyage of

nearly thirty-two miles (starting late in the evening), in a vessel

of not more than one hundred and seventy tons burthen, for her sake!

an enterprise which, though in these enlightened days we might

be inclined to ridicule, was in those times considered the most

surprisingly valorous feat ever compassed by an Alderman.[39]

 

As for the Cat, whatever shape she took (and there can be little

doubt, as my readers will hereafter see, which form she really

did assume), she suffered not much from the effects of the water

carriage. She had been a great traveller in her time, and, amongst

other good company into which she had fallen during her progresses,

had been admitted into the Serail at Algiers, where, according to an

old poem, it appears, she

 

"Passed herre tyme amydst ye throng,

As happie as ye deye was long."[40]

 

Nevertheless, Whittington, after he had been in her society for

a short time, began to doubt (as well he might) her supernatural

powers. He argued, from a knowledge of the sex's little weaknesses,

that if she had had the ability to have assumed any form she had

chosen, she doubtlessly would have adopted a more agreeable one

than that which she actually appeared under; but then, on the other

hand, he contended with himself, that by as much as her real claims

upon notice and attention were weak and groundless, by so much must

her magic be potent, for that unless the Devil himself had taken

possession of the rabble (at her instigation) they never could have

seen anything to admire or respect about her.

 

Still, however, with that good taste so perceptible in all his

conduct, Matthew, in order to keep up the dignity of his Enchantress,

and to induce spectators to respect her, never ventured to approach

her without the most marked actions of humility, never would be

covered in her presence, nor treat her with less deference than

though she had been a queen.[41]

 

The more Matthew began to doubt her powers, and to suspect he had

been in some sort duped, the more he raved about the excellent

qualities of his great Lady--Penthesilea, with all her "magna

virtutis documenta" at her back, was not fit to be named in the same

day with her. Berenice, Camilla, Zenobia, Valasca the Bohemian,

or Amelasunta, queen of the Ostrogoths, had neither fortitude,

nor temperance, nor chastity, nor any good qualities to put in

competition with hers. And as for the modern ladies, your Laura

Bossis or Victoria Accarambonis, or even the renowned Donna Maria

Pacheco, Bianca Hedwig, Lady of Duke Henry the beardy of Ligniz,

they would have been considered the small fry, the mere white-bait

of the sex, compared with Whittington's Enchantress.[42] Matthew

daily grew more and more uneasy about his charge: instead of

aspiring to dignity, or performing any of those astonishing feats

which he expected, she appeared addicted to vulgar habits and

coarse pleasures, attracted no respectable admirers, and passed

her time in obscure corners, choosing either woods or barns for her

lurking-places, to which she was followed only by the very lowest of

the rabble.

 

It was a matter of delicacy with Matthew not to hint that he should

be glad to see some proof of her powers, for by the murmurs which he

heard, in bettermost life, he apprehended that the Legislature would

interfere, in order to put a stop to her imposition.

 

Matthew now stood in a very awkward situation: he had brought

an unwelcome object into England, contrary to the advice of all

those about her, and in direct opposition to the feelings of all

the respectable part of the community, and had, in fact, drawn

himself into the disagreeable certainty of being wrong under all

circumstances.

 

If she really were what he boasted her to be, he was amenable to the

laws, which, as Blackstone says, both before and since the Conquest,

have been equally severe, ranking the crime of sorcery and of those

who consult sorcerers in the same class with heresy, and condemning

both to the flames. If she were not, he had foisted a deception upon

the mob, which they never would forgive.

 

This he knew, and therefore felt his full share of agreeable

sensations arising from the alternative, which presented itself

of being burned alive in one case, and universally laughed at in

the other; not but that it must be allowed that Mr. W. possessed

amongst other characteristics of fortitude, a surprisingly stoical

callousness to ridicule.

 

His apprehensions about the interference of the Legislature were by

no means groundless. It was evidently necessary to open the eyes of

the country to the flagrant imposition which was carrying on, and to

which poor Whittington most innocently and unintentionally had made

himself a party. The _brave_ man, however, began to feel a few fears,

which had hitherto been strangers to his _great_ heart: testimonies

of his enchantress's charlatanerie were forthcoming from every

quarter, of which she was perfectly aware, but advised Matthew to put

a good face upon the matter and brave it out, assuring him, that if

it came to evidence, she could produce a great many more witnesses of

her innocence than her opponents could bring forward of her guilt.

 

This mode of exculpation has been recorded by a very popular writer

of much later days.[43] He relates an anecdote where a murder was

clearly proved against a prisoner by the concurrent testimony of

seven witnesses: when the culprit was called on for his defence, he

complained of want of evidence against him; for, said he, "My Lord

and Gentlemen of the Jury, you lay great stress upon the production

of seven persons who swear that they saw me commit the crime. If

that be all, I will produce you seven times as many who will swear

that they did not see me do it." Much on a par with this was the

favourable evidence on which this eminent piece of injured innocence

relied for exculpation.[44]

 

The most singular part of the story is, that with all Matthew's

well-known intelligence, good sense, prudence, amiability, and

virtue, his zeal got the better of his consistency. He and his

friends who most warmly espoused the cause of the great impostor,

were those who from time immemorial had upheld the democracy of the

constitution, had rung the changes upon all the virtuous attributes

of low life, "Honest Poverty," and "The Sovereignty of the People;"

but, strange to say, in their excessive zeal for their new idol,

these equalizing politicians decided unanimously, that all the

witnesses who were to prove her misdeeds, were perjured villains and

infamous rogues, even before they had said a syllable on the subject,

because, forsooth, they were poor and shabbily clothed, as if a line

coat were essential to truth and justice, or that a poor man could

not speak truth.

 

Now really to me their poverty (if one may judge by the accounts

which have been handed down of them,) appears one of the strongest

proofs of their honesty; for, had they been tampered with as

Whittington insinuated, it is not improbable that some part of their

earnings would have been expended in the purchase of such habits as

might at least have protected them from insult in the streets.

 

There was one objection to their evidence, which, inasmuch as it is

patriotic, is honourable--they were foreigners, and therefore not to

be believed.----Now, touching the justice of this sweeping decision

much may be said; and it is by no means unpleasing to see that even

in these days there is still a national prejudice against foreign

habits and manners; the looseness of conduct, and general want of

delicacy of the continental nations, are at variance with the pure

and better regulated habits of our countrymen and countrywomen;

and in Whittington's days it clearly appears that morality had so

firmly established itself in England, that a foreigner was not to be credited on oath.