The Choice Humorous Works, Ludicrous Adventures 30
Then hie to the house--you know where,
Gaffer Grey,
And steal up the stairs--you know when.
"No, 'though roughshod, I swore
To march in, through the door,
I shall ne'er pass that threshold again,
Well-a-day!"
There's Brougham, who can shift, like his nose,
Gaffer Grey,
Who browbeats the Parliament down.
"Pshaw, he shifts for himself,
Whilst he pockets the pelf,
And would sell the whole squad for a gown,
Well-a-day!"
There's the Patriot in Ilchester Jail,
Gaffer Grey,
Who will talk by the job--or the day.
"He's a low-minded carl,
Fit only to snarl,
And just as well out of the way,
Well-a-day!"
There's Hume with his tots and his vots,
Gaffer Grey,
With his scalpel cuts through thick and thin.
"Oh, he's worse than the other,
He'd cut up his brother,
If only to keep his hand in,
Well-a-day!"
Little Michael has beeves and fat ale,
Gaffer Grey,
Buona Roti--surnamed by the pack.
"His dinners be d----d;
When the starvelings are cramm'd,
Duncannon can't whistle them back,
Well-a-day!"
There's Creevy, your crony of old,
Gaffer Grey,
Who shew'd up the Board of Control.
"He's heavy and lame,
And his speeches the same,
Are uncommonly prosy and dull,
Well-a-day!"
There's Wooler, the Bibliopole bold,
Gaffer Grey,
Who at laws and at lawgivers laughs.
"Very well in his way,
But I beg leave to say,
I've a mortal aversion to Raffs,
Well-a-day!"
There's Bennet the Arch Philanthrope,
Gaffer Grey,
Who weeps for man, woman, and brute.
"He may weep as he will,
If he'll keep his tongue still;
But your best sort of weeper's--a Mute!
Well-a-day!"
There's Lambton, a sure card at hand,
Gaffer Grey,
Not given to blush or to flinch.
"He's a good sort of fellow,
Though rather too yellow,
And only of use at a pinch,
Well-a-day!"
There's Lushington, Denman, and Co.,
Gaffer Grey,
And their friend--what's his name--Mister Wood;
"No--the sweet Queen is gone,
Their vocation is done,
And they cannot do harm, if they would,
Well-a-day!"
There's Sefton the Good!--four-in-hand,
Gaffer Grey,
And there's Grosvenor the Great!--from his beeves.
"One wants for his head
A new lining, 'tis said;
And the other--some strawberry leaves,
Well-a-day!"
There's Ossulston, gallant as high,
Gaffer Grey,
Can prove his descent--without flaw.
"He was named for a stick,
'Twas a sad scurvy trick,
For he look'd like--a Frog with a Straw!
Well-a-day!"
Your chance is but bad, I confess,
Gaffer Grey,
But freedom may still be your butt.
"Talk of freedom--my eye!
If in the State Pie
I could get but a finger, I'd cut,--
Happy day!"
The times are not yet come to that,
Gaffer Grey.
What then?--"Whilst there's life there is hope:
Though John Bull turns his back
On the talented Pack,
You may still get Pat Bull from the Pope
By your play!"
THE IDLE APPRENTICE TURNED INFORMER.
A NEW BALLAD, BY T. C., ESQ.[24]
_Tune_--"When I was Maid, oh then, oh then!"
I once was a placeman, but then, but then,
I once was a placeman, but then
'Twas in the pure day
Of Lansdowne and Grey,
And the rest of the talented men--men!
And the rest of the talented men!
I had been a lawyer, but then, but then,
I had been a lawyer, but then
I hated the fag
Of the wig and the bag,
And envied the Parliament men--men,
And envied the Parliament men.
So I married a widow, and then, and then,
So I married a window, and then
Folks wonder'd to see
That a woman could be
So fond of a face like a wen--wen,
So fond of a face like a wen.
But she had a borough, and then, and then,
She had a borough, and then,
By the help of the dame,
I got into the same,
But never could do it again--again,
Never could do it again.
So I found out another, and then, and then,
So I found out another, and then
The worthy Lord Thanet,
He chose me to man it,
As free----as a sheep in a pen--pen!
As free as a sheep in a pen!
At last we got power, and then, and then,
At last we got power, and then
A salary clean
Of hundreds fifteen,
Made me the most happy of men--men,
Made me the most happy of men.
The first quarter-day came, and then, and then,
The first quarter-day came, and then
I reckon'd my score,
But I never did more
Till quarter-day came round again--'gain,
Till quarter-day came round again.
Despatches came sometimes, but then, but then,
Despatches came sometimes, but then
I handed them slyly
To Morpeth or Hiley,
And limp'd back to Brookes's again--'gain,
And limp'd back to Brookes's again.
If Ossulston call'd on me, then, oh then,
If Ossulston call'd on me then,
We stroll'd through the Park,
And the folks would remark,
We look'd like an owl and a wren--wren,
We look'd like an owl and a wren.
If I walk'd with dear Sefton, oh then, oh then,
If I walk'd with dear Sefton, oh then,
The people would stare,
And think us a pair
Of mummers, that parodied men--men,
Of mummers, that parodied men.
If I stay'd at the office, oh then, oh then,
If I stay'd at the office, oh then,
I damn'd all the Hindoos--
Look'd out of the windows--
And sometimes I mended a pen--pen!
And sometimes I mended a pen!
Such toil made me sulky, and then, and then,
Such toil made me sulky, and then,
If I ask'd for old Wright,
He came in in a fright,
As if to a bear in his den--den,
As if to a bear in his den.
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